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asa ridley
12 November 2012 @ 06:54 am
video.  
[ when the video begins, at first, the only thing visible is the backdrop of a room and the tines of what appear to be a small set of little black antlers. the feed shakes a little, as if the one holding the tablet is moving it, before it finally settles, revealing a rather nervous looking face. the figure is a redhead, hair tangled around his (or maybe her, it's sort of hard to tell) antlers, eyes wide and a little animal-like and gold. there's a smattering of white dappling almost like freckles at his hairline, disappearing into the curve of his jaw and presumably down his throat, and he looks like he's two seconds from bolting.

he takes a deep, shaky breath when he realizes he has everything working properly, starts to say something-- and freezes. .. okay, asa, try again. this isn't any more intimidating than anything he's done in the last few weeks, after all, right? the only difference is that.. well, he's so totally alone here.. ]

--Ah-- [ well, that's a start. ] Hello. I-- [ he ducks his gaze, fidgeting a little, ears flicking back. ] My name is Asa. I don't.. suppose anyone knows if a.. I mean, how easy is it to.. tell if someone arrived with you? Also--

[ a glance off to the side, brows drawing together. ] --We really do.. fight here? I'm more of a-- a gardener..
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Kanaya Maryam
12 November 2012 @ 12:04 pm
Second Blood  
[Today you have something different: Rather than a face peering into the camera, you have a full body view of a young woman standing to the left of the shot, with her right hand on her hip. Said hand glows bright white, like the rest of her body. If you haven't seen her before, she's probably a pretty surprising sort of freak to see when you turn on the communicator.

The center and right part of the shot are occupied by the wall, to which she's attached an off-white poster, landscape orientation, with the following written on it in large letters of bright green marker.

* As Your Potential Leader A Complete Stranger In All Senses
* Proposal To Further Factionalize Already Fractured Population
* Plans Will Only Be Revealed When Or Rather If Any Group Is Gathered
* Initiative Is Our First Enemy Rather Than The United Earth
* Conflict With Other Armies Also A Welcome Possibility

It's attached to the wall with a piece of clear tape on each corners and one in the middle of each long side as well. Close examination will note that it appears there is a second identically-sized piece of paper hidden under it.]

Hello, Transports. I'm Kanaya Maryam. Apart from those who saw my arbitrary self-introduction, you probably don't recognize me as anything but an alien interloper of an age you judge as inappropriate. Even though you have absolutely no reason to trust me, I'm going to ask you to do exactly that, because Exsilium has a terrible leadership problem.

[She's pointing to the second bullet now.] Lots of Transports have been trying to create an army out of members of Exsilium's already perfectly fine existing army. This hasn't worked up until now, but I am somehow absolutely certain that when I do this it's going to be totally different.

[Third bullet:] My plans are so fantastic that they have to be kept confidential and will only be revealed to members of the army once it forms - whom, by the way, I will accept and reject at my discretion even though my goal is to unite Exsilium.

Oh, and did I mention - [fourth bullet] - that I want to overthrow the Initiative first, even though we're fighting the United Earth. Because that's my intention, to fight the people who brought us together and control whether we even stay or leave, let alone go back in time.

And by the way, all the other armies that have already been forming - they're getting in the way of my plan, so we're also going to fight you if you go against us.

[Both her hands return to her hips as she stares at with her head cocked and her lips stretched thin.] Tell me, Exsilium, do you think that sounds like a good plan for anyone to execute? Especially if she's an alien, an undead, a "teenager" [finger quotes], or the like? Or would you advise me to stick with the perfectly good hundreds-strong army that we already have, and take it up with the administrators of the Initiative if I really insisted upon doing something. Perhaps would you go so far as to say that I sound... stupid? If so, that's good, because I have some appalling news for you, which I've just delivered wrapped in your planet's particularly loathsome form of verbal irony.

[In a sudden, too-quick motion, she reaches up with both hands to rip off the poster and reveal the paper underneath it, filled up entirely with these four words:

This Is Stupid
Stop

She neatly folds the old poster three times and throws it away in a waste receptacle off screen, and then stands up straight to address the camera again.]

It does sound stupid, because it is, and so do you. Stop.

[The video ends.]
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Handsome Jack
12 November 2012 @ 02:10 pm
[1] - [Voice]  
[An automated female voice plays. Jack doesn't feel the need to do his own advertisement. After weeks of building his supplies, he sends this out to every communicator.]

Need repairs?

Want some support during your missions?

Maybe you just want a robo buddy to train with. Maybe you want a tune up.

LOOK NO FURTHER!

Jack's Armory™ is here to serve you-- Our glorious participants of the Initiative.

Shields, support robots, and even requests- if it's interesting enough. If it can be thought up, it can be made. Upgrades available to more frequent customers.

Available now: Basic shields. Sonic wave blast if shields are breached with a twenty second recovery time. We will pause now for your reaction of awe and amazement.

[There's a pause]

Pause completed.

Trades are acceptable in exchange- with reason. Money and supplies are preferred.
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GAU!
12 November 2012 @ 06:14 pm
01 [video]  
Uwauuuu!!!

[ A green-haired boy can be seen pouncing around on all fours. He pounces closer to sniff the screen then pounces back like a wary dog. He repeatedly beats his chest with his fists. ]

Uwaaaaauu!!!

[ He slams his fists onto the floor, resolute. ]

Bun lady say glowy box show Gau friends! Show Gau friends! [ He howls. ] Gau friends lost! Glowy box show Gau friends again! We fight together! Show! Gau! Friends! Now! Wauuuu!!!

[ He waves his arms in the air. He beats his chest. He slaps the ground. He hops around the communicator a couple of times before stopping at the sound of his stomach grumbling. ]

Or food. [ He crouches. ] Glowy box show Gau food, then friends. Okay?
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Karkat Vantas
12 November 2012 @ 10:17 pm
♋ 1; video  
[Today, you are getting a grey alien kid on the communicator.]

Okay, so apparently we're supposed to introduce ourselves. I can't tell if this is required or not, but what the hell.

Hi. It's Karkat. Here is where my boast about my impressive indispensibility to your army goes, but...look, I don't need to talk up my own shit to you, your stupid human organization is the one that brought me here. Either my value will become obvious or it won't.

Anyway, yes, I'm a troll, I get the impression you've already been introduced to the concept. But please don't make assumptions about me based on the others you've met because let me tell you, this is basically the worst of the genetic slurry poured into a concentrated pool of stench right onto your lap. They are pretty much all top contenders for the biggest embarrassments to the empire in our entire history.

So if you have any questions, you can ask me, probably, unless I get tired of listening to it.
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Eddie Riggs
12 November 2012 @ 11:03 pm
2nd Sölö [Video]  

[The camera opens to Eddie standing in his room, two curtains pulled over some rather large spaces in his room.  Dramatically, he clears his throat.]

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Alright, so I know some of you guys know me, and some of you don't.  For those that don't, the name's Eddie Riggs.  I'm a roadie, and I'm pretty fuckin' good at what I do.  Now that I got that outta the way, I got some presents for some of you guys.  Roxy, I know you've been waiting for this puppy, so here it is.

[Eddie pulls back the first curtain, revealing a black, polished violin and bow.  The instrument looks a little patchwork in places, as if Eddie has had to find certain substitutes for the composition of the violin itself, but it looks like it's holding together really well.]

I couldn't really scavenge any parts to make it electric and give you a sweet ass distortion pedal with it, but it's finished.  Sorry it took so long, but I don't have the luxury of shit growing out of the ground from a dead beast of fire.  Work with what you got, y'know?  Anyway, come pick it up and take it for a spin!  Should be tuned and ready to go!  Oh, and Balder, dude.  Don't think I've forgotten about you!

[Eddie pulls back the second curtain, revealing an extremely well crafted battle axe, with a mark of Ormagöden adorning the top of the weapon.  The edges of the weapon have been very well sharpened and polished, a bit more for presentation than practical use, but Eddie wanted to put on a good display of his talents before he made the proposition to the other Transports he was thinking of.]

So what do you guys think?  I hope it was worth the wait.  Oh, and don't any of you guys feel left out if I've talked to you about building stuff yet.  I'm making a list.  Actually, that's something I wanted to talk to you all about.  Way I see it, some of you guys want different stuff that you may not be able to get, right?  Usually I wouldn't have any problem doing it in a flash, but seeing as we're in the middle of something of a shit hole, that's kind of a problem.  So here's what I'm proposing.

I want to open up a workshop to build shit you guys want or need.  Could be weapons, clothes, or more luxurious stuff.  Doesn't matter.  If it's something small enough, I don't wanna charge for it, but the bigger the job, I might have to ask for you to either pay for it, or bring me some materials to get started.  If I've already offered to fix something up for you, I'm not gonna go back on it and ask for anything in return.  That'd be kind of a dick move.

[Eddie sits on his bed, turning the camera towards himself.]

So that's what I got so far.  Any questions?

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