[ after a week of constantly bumping into shit and having to get people to lead him around from place to place, karkat vantas has to resort to desperate measures. it's a struggle even getting the tablet to work for him, and at first, he doesn't seem to notice it's recording, continuing to frown and fiddle with it for a little while, before he begins to speak. ]

So. [ one might notice that his pupils are unusually dilated, only the faintest ring of grey iris visible around the edges. ] I'm going to make this brief, if just because I'm only half convinced this thing is actually recording and I'm not just yodeling into the void, but thanks to the astonishingly warm welcome one of your residents gave me, I'm blind. And as I'm not the resident No Eyes Mcgee among my social circle, and I've walked into enough door frames over the past week that I'll be very surprised if I haven't sustained permanent brain injury, I'm requesting that one of you make yourself some vague parody of useful and fix it.

[ there is a pause, before, reluctantly; ]

It was a dragon, if that makes any difference.

So this is like some sort of comic, yeah? I get zapped to like the future and there's some apocalyptic war and like now people have powers? [She seems a little enthusiastic about this. She's gotten trapped in like Sid's dreams or something. That's what this is.]

I feel like I should be half naked. [Or all naked. She grabs her chest and looks down. If this is Sid's dream, shouldn't her breasts be out more? Shouldn't there be sex? Or actually Sid... Or--]

What about those tights? Superhero outfits have like nothing to them, right? Do we get one of those?

[Because clearly she's lost all sense of reality.]

Wow. But I like totally don't have a superhero name. [Beat.] It would definitely have the word pussy in it.

[Hahaha. She's so amused. Smiling a little widely with a bright smile, she really does look innocent, despite what she just said.]

Oh. I'm Cassie. Hi. [She wiggles her fingers before shutting the feed off.]

( there's a slight sound of rustling after the feed clicks on, as oz makes himself more comfortable on a seat in the observatory. why he's there late at night — night by circadian rhythms, anyway, simulated nights on the moon — is anyone's guess, or maybe it's obvious enough. in any case, when he speaks up a moment later, he sounds to be in a good enough mood. )

What's your favorite story? Scary ones are probably best for late at night, but what I really want to hear about are everyone's favorites. For instance, something about a princess and a dragon, or maybe a mystery with a twist ending, or something out of history....ah, if you make it up or adapt it from a book, that's fine too! Or even if it's a real one that's happened to someone you know, ( and a light laugh ) — don't worry, I don't tell anyone!

But it's rude to ask without giving my own preference, right? I can start with mine, if anyone wants.

( he'll tell people about holy knight. all about it!!!! don't ask him about it. )

[ A very eager young face pops into full view on the screen, the second the video comes on, and she doesn't hesitate getting right down to business. ]

So this is kind of a different question than usual, but...

Does anyone know how to get married, and where to do it? Thank you in advance!

[ If human movies and soap operas are any indication, getting married is like going on a date but also having a party at the same time, right? Yes, that must be accurate, but they were never quite clear on the specifics... ]

Do you know, I've been here for a year now. Oh, how the time flies, or whatever other cliches you might like! But then with all of this time flying, I'll get straight to business and stop wasting it.

I'd like to suggest a celebration. I personally will be celebrating a year here, but I'm certain we can find a good handful of other causes, if you're in need of one to allow yourself a little food, drink, and dancing!

Ah, let's see… we might celebrate that the Initiative has finally come to its senses and realized the value of a therapeutic trip to the beach. Yes? Lovely, that one. I'm sorry to any of our new arrivals who've missed it! Or if you're not a fan, for some reason, of sun, water, and half-naked people, then maybe we might celebrate a favorite holiday from home. Calendars between here and our collective homes hardly match up, so it shouldn't be any trouble at all if it isn't the right time of year for it. Or if you're of a grimmer persuasion, perhaps we might simply celebrate the fact that, despite the United Earth's occasional brutal efforts, most of us are still alive.

So then. What do you think? Shall it have a theme? I've already done a masquerade in Versailles, it would be unsightly to do a repeat performance. I don't suppose there are any suggestions? Food requests may be delivered to Adrasteius, who I'm quite certain won't mind at all managing the banquet again. He's very agreeable like that.

[You've probably seen this kid running around for the last two weeks, shrieking excitedly when he notices you're a human being (or fish person, or troll, or whatever; he's pretty excitable). But it's only now he attacks the network, all smiles and cheer.]

Holy SCHMAO, you guys, I've never seen so many humans! This is amazing! Where I'm from-- well, my name is Finn, first off! Finn the Human, from the land of Ooo! I'm basically a knight there, it's pretty great. I fight evil and stuff with my brother! But I'm the last human being ever, and I've never seen any others before-- but here you all are! Which is awesome!  We should all get together and talk about human stuff. What do you eat? Do you like bacon pancakes? What about--

[Oh wait no he had a message here. Finn takes a breath and adds:]

Anyway, uh-- I know things are kind of bumslops right now, but, uh, you gotta just keep your chin up! Sometimes being a hero means nobody likes you very much, or they think you're wrong, or even making mistakes. But as long as you're trying to do the right thing, you're all right!

Oh, and-- if anybody needs lessons in being a hero, I'm totally free. I've got, like, a billion years experience in it.