[ The camera turns on to darkness, then redness, then ... focuses on someone who can be best described as very Dracula-like. If Dracula was small and had pointy ears, that is. ]

Oh, is it on? Very well ... Ahem.

[ The tablet is set down on something and Valvatorez takes a step back so his dramatic cape flourish can be seen better. His previous rather calm expression promptly turns into an angry one. ]

Listen up, you foolish humans! I have saved your world once before and now you expect me to do so again and fight in one of your stupid, pointless wars? The absurdity! I suppose it's to be expected of humanity, but do you not know that the only true way to achieve victory is through your own strength? There's no point to it if you don't fight your own battles. Kidnapping others and making them fight for you ... Do you honestly believe I would abide such a thing? Think again!

I refuse to fight your battles for you. HOWEVER! For the sake of my Netherworld, I will do what must be done and it's clear to me you are in dire need of some re-educating and as such I, Prinny Instructor Valvatorez, cannot turn a blind eye. I shall teach you the very meaning of fear and make you reform the Hades way! That is my promise, as a proud and noble demon.

[ He pauses, taking a moment to nod to himself, apparently satisfied with what he's just said. ]

Before I end this, I shall leave everyone with some very important advice. If you truly wish to become better and stronger, then you must start by eating SARRRDIINEES! [ You're spared an explanation why because the dramatic raising of his arms that accompanies his words knocks the device over and turns it off. ]

Hello to our recent newcomers. Welcome to Exsilium.

Please do not panic, we just got the place looking decent again. There is nothing you can do to return home of your own abilities. This has been tested by many people over the space of ten months now. 

There is a guide to Exsilium put together by other transports. It can be found here.

If you are a healer, doctor, or medical professional of some other kind, there is an active clinic always looking for new recruits. They can be contacted here.

If you wish to consider joining the recently formed police force, they can be contacted at [ insert an address + ooc link ].

Should you simply wish to drink yourself into forgetting this has happened, I have attached a list of places alcohol can be found here. This method is highly endorsed.

Do enjoy your stay.

[ she figures she might as well put all her organization to temporary use. her personal annotated list of places you can drink or obtain alcohol is attached as a downloadable file. exsilium newbies' guide originally posted here. ]

[Loki seems to be lounging back in something, with the communicator in his lap. One leg is draped over the arm of the seat. The lighting is pale, seemingly coming in through a nearby window, and the tassels in the back of his headdress occasionally flutter in the breeze.]

I see that the Initiative has recently contacted you in attempt to explain their purpose for bringing you here. How many of their words do you suppose were spoken in honesty?

This...United Earth...is clearly a threat to them, of this I haven't a doubt. But do regimes not rise and fall throughout time? We are told they are even now tapping our worlds for resources. If we were brought to desperate times would we not do the same? One does what one can to survive. The predator and the prey, survival of the fittest, life-forms devouring one another in the endless, destructive cycle....

[He drifts off, as if he's not really talking about the United Earth anymore, then he glances back into the camera.]

United Earth represents the victors in a long war. I wonder, if the Initiative were to gain the upper hand, through your aid, would they, too, find themselves corrupted by their own power? Even from this abject state could they rise to greater heights than their current enemies and be seen as tyrants? Or, perhaps, their efforts are for naught. Perhaps by sending you through time they are not altering history but ensuring it. The vagaries of time travel can be mischievous.

[Silence as he rubs his chin and stares into the middle distance, lost in thought.]

I am not saying you should all rise up against your hosts in hatred, nay. I do not suggest a revolution. Many amongst you have already voiced their thoughts on that matter and thus far the Initiative seems unconcerned about the seeds of sedition blossoming in their ranks.

[His naked brow arches and he grins a lopsided grin.]

I am only proposing that you do not allow their propaganda to cloud your better judgment. Above all things, think, or you are nothing more than cattle to be herded where they will. Whatever choices you make, be sure that they are your own and that your decisions are well informed.

Has anyone seen a certain, rather violent, blind woman running around recently? Acts like a barbarian. Looks sort of like this...

[ Lance holds up a goofy drawing on some notebook paper. ]

I'm not particularly interested in where she is, just that you've seen her. Also, I would appreciate it if she didn't find out that I'm looking for her.

Ah, so I see that it's that time again where our gracious hosts decide that they're not satisfied with their ranks and aspire to add to them. One might consider such behaviour to be excessively greedy, though I suppose it is the season... or at least it is the season in some other cultures. I vastly prefer the New Year to Christmas.

[Which has nothing to do with the fact that there are back to back birthdays on New Year's Eve and Day to look forward to, but that's neither here nor there.]

To take our minds off our rather unpleasant and uncertain futures, I propose a little survey amongst us. Tell me, fellow reluctant recruits, what is it that you want most for Christmas? Or, if Christmas is not your cup of tea, what will you be celebrating to help make the winter months that little bit less bleaker?