one. (video)

[promisor]

[ The camera turns on to darkness, then redness, then ... focuses on someone who can be best described as very Dracula-like. If Dracula was small and had pointy ears, that is. ]

Oh, is it on? Very well ... Ahem.

[ The tablet is set down on something and Valvatorez takes a step back so his dramatic cape flourish can be seen better. His previous rather calm expression promptly turns into an angry one. ]

Listen up, you foolish humans! I have saved your world once before and now you expect me to do so again and fight in one of your stupid, pointless wars? The absurdity! I suppose it's to be expected of humanity, but do you not know that the only true way to achieve victory is through your own strength? There's no point to it if you don't fight your own battles. Kidnapping others and making them fight for you ... Do you honestly believe I would abide such a thing? Think again!

I refuse to fight your battles for you. HOWEVER! For the sake of my Netherworld, I will do what must be done and it's clear to me you are in dire need of some re-educating and as such I, Prinny Instructor Valvatorez, cannot turn a blind eye. I shall teach you the very meaning of fear and make you reform the Hades way! That is my promise, as a proud and noble demon.

[ He pauses, taking a moment to nod to himself, apparently satisfied with what he's just said. ]

Before I end this, I shall leave everyone with some very important advice. If you truly wish to become better and stronger, then you must start by eating SARRRDIINEES! [ You're spared an explanation why because the dramatic raising of his arms that accompanies his words knocks the device over and turns it off. ]

Comments

[a_million_blossoms]

...

[He would say something more, but seriously, what do you say to that?]

[promisor]

You're going to have to speak up if you have something to say.

permavideo;

[sithiche]

Sardines are extinct, mate.

[ welp, someone had to break the news. ]

[promisor]

[ Break all his hopes and dreams with it, why don't you. ]

EXTINCT!? But how can that be? This is Earth, is it not?

permavoice

[payback]

Why are you yelling at us about it? We're not the ones who brought you here.

[promisor]

Surely the ones responsible for this madness monitor this, yes? Obviously this message is meant for them, not you.

Except the sardine part, if people are meant to fight for them, a healthy diet is an absolute must!

[gentle]

I'm afraid you're mistaken. Rather, not everyone here is human, and it seems there are others such as myself who are in your position-- who were taken from their own home in order to protect this strange world.

Though, I must admit I am interested in you. What does being a proud and noble demon entail?

[he's not even touching on that sardines nonsense, what the furret is a sardine, first of all, and secondly he doubts it's vegan so that nonsense ain't going anywhere near his mouth.]

[promisor]

Perhaps not everyone taken here is human, but I'm assuming those responsible are. Only humans would think of something like this.

Why, to be a proud and noble demon one must never go back on their word nor break a promise and fight their own fights, of course.

Video;

[moonlight_my_path]

I don't care for sardines much. Too small for a proper meal.

[Yeah, that's all she's got to say about most of this.]

Video;

[promisor]

[ He raises an eyebrow, not too impressed. ]

Then you must simply eat more if one is not enough. They are very nutritious, you know. They're full of antioxidants and enhance physical energy. They should be a part of every staple diet!

video;

[rageleap]

[ Hands in the air, cheering. ]

Sardines!

video;

[promisor]

[ AT LAST there's a person who speaks sense! He nods, pleased. ]

Finally, someone who understands. It's amazing how people underestimate the value of sardines.

[voice]

[biwinning]

...The fuck ith wrong with thethe people...

[voice]

[promisor]

That is exactly what I'm wondering.

video

[lovesgod]

Good thing I didn't have to listen to that, on the basis of not being human. Sounded pretty dumb.

video

[promisor]

[ Oh sorry were you being insulting, because that flies straight over his head. ]

I suppose it is at least resourceful that they drag in other species to solve their problems.

video;

[urnotafraid]

Just how many people do you think are humans here?

video;

[promisor]

From what I have encountered so far, most seem to be, but it's obvious they didn't stick with just their own kind.

video;

[ex_bastardized62]

[ What is with all the instructors? ]

Everything you just said lost meanin' when the word Prinny came out of your mouth.

video.

[pantyraid]

[ she'll play along. ]

Anything but the sardines! Oh, the humanity! You truly are a demon!

video.

[promisor]

[ He's just... raising an eyebrow. ]

Well, of course I am. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with sardines, they are the key to a good, healthy life.

video

[torchedhunt]

[...Lumi tilts her head at this. You have managed to faze the normally un-faze-able blood elf, congrats Val.]

... I do not believe I have encountered a fel being obsessed with sardines before...

video

[promisor]

Fel? [ That gets a questioning look before he shrugs. ]

I owe my strength to sardines.

video;

[bittertears]

The only absurdity I'm witnessing right now is your obnoxious introduction.

video;

[promisor]

Typical human behavior, not realizing the absurdity of their own actions.

text;

[painfeels]

Why Sardines?

voice;

[promisor]

Because sardines are rich in vitamins and minerals! In other words, they are very good for you.

[audio]

[inline]

Wait, hold up—like an actual demon? No shit?

[audio]

[promisor]

Yes, of course. That much should be obvious.