Ooh, I think I got it to work!  The little light's blinking. That's like the universal sign for 'working', isn't it? [ the young girl, clad in a quite.. quirky outfit peers at the camera on the device quizzically. ] That means I'm being recorded, right? Well, a magician has to keep up appearances, so! Hello, Citizens of Exsilium! My name's Trucy Wright, Ace Magician! Maybe you've heard of me! Or maybe you've heard of daddy, that usually seems to be the case. [ she bounces on her heels a bit. ] I don't really know what's going on, but while I'm stuck here, let's have some fun, okay?

Let's start with an icebreaker! [ Trucy holds up a deck of redbacked playing cards. She then spreads all 52 out in her hand. ] Pick a card, any card!

Look, I can’t say I’m exactly pleased about being brought here -- wherever the hell “here” actually is -- but I’m not going to complain too much. Yet. I mean, the alternative was getting eaten by a bunch of zombies, which believe me, was not high on my “to do” list.

The problem I have is being asked to fight in a war that I’m pretty sure I’m not going to be giving a shit about. I look after only one person: me. Just make sure you remember that.

Oh yeah, anyone happen to know of a decent tailor around here?

I guess it would be rude not to introduce myself, huh?

[Hi everyone, it's a somewhat ditzy-looking blond guy. He makes a show of dusting off, of fixing his big green scarf.]

My name's Nash Clovis; I'm from somewhere you've never heard of. I know we've been brought here to be soldiers, but I have such a problem doing what I'm told. The missus hates that, but I tell her: "I can only be who I am."

Who I am was never good at the rank-and-file stuff. If they wanted me fighting fit they should've knocked a few years earlier! But I'd be happy to contribute to the war effort in a subtler, more secretarial, tea-brewing capacity.

[The keen-eyed might notice that despite Nash's overblown protestations, he does have the bearing of a practiced fighter.]

[The video clicks on to a claustrophobic view of what appears to be dark fabric, then abruptly shifts, tipping upwards to reveal a scowling man looking like he's seen (much) better days. Judging from the angle, the netbook is being propped up on his knee with one hand while he sits reclined against a wall; the other hand is pressed firmly to his stomach. It quickly becomes clear that the fabric isn't dark - it's just covered in blood, both beneath his hand and again at his left shoulder. His face is similarly accented by a few cuts and bruises, not to mention a fair amount of dirt.]

Testing, testing- [A strong English accent, interrupted by a cough.] I don't know what the hell this is about, but I'm guessing it's not heaven. Either way, I'd like to stick around long enough to find out. The odd woman said I could get assistance on this thing - so here I am, calling for assistance.

Can I get a sodding doctor over here?

[The video feed opens to tails swishing around in the distance. Not one, but two tails. Seems the person who turned this on got distracted by something. But a moment later, he sets something down, turns around and walks towards the netbook he had set down a few moments ago.]

Oh, cool! It works! [More tail-swishing as the fox grins.] Hi, everyone! My name's Tails. This broadcasts to everyone else, doesn't it?

[In the distance, it becomes clear that what Tails had set down was a wrench. A rather odd one, at that.]

Well, it was kinda odd, being thrown into here, but I guess you guys came here the same way, right? How long has this been going on?

... Oh and has anyone seen a blue hedgehog around here? Or anything like him? If he was here, his name would be Sonic the Hedgehog.