You know, I've been here a few weeks, and in that time I think I've finally figured out a pattern to the madness. I've noticed a lot of people, like me, are pretty confused as to why we've been chosen out of everyone from our home...uh, time-slash-planet-slash-continuum.

Well. I think I have the answer.

The reason why we've all been chosen specifically to fight the Evil Empire and generally bring truth and justice and time paradoxes to the universe.




We're all criminally hot.

No, seriously! I've talked to a few people around here- not one uggo around. Even the scaley aliens I'm sure are the hottest scaley aliens you can find! It's a conspiracy, I say.

Don't worry, you can thank me later.

[ SCIENCE ]

[Oh hello there, Exsilium, have the face of a bright-eyed girl that looks way too excited to be here. It seems after much technology abuse and generally failing at turning it on, she finally gets the video working! Success for a failure]

Don't worry, fellow kidnapped people of Exhelium! [That's 'Exsilium', Maya] You don't have to explain everything, I've got it aaaaaall figured out. In fact, I'm an Ace Explainer myself, so just sit back and let me break it down for you, Maya-style!

We're in future England! [This is probably the only fact she's gotten right, but-] Brought here by the United Earth people because they're being oppressed by the Initiative! [And then there's a pause for some very Deep and Philosophical Thoughts. ...Not.] ... I bet it's the tea. England's known for its tea, you know? Anyone would be jealous of that selection!

... But anyway, we've been brought here because we've got to go into the future to change the past! It's just like that movie with Mikey K. Box, except with tea on the line as well as time! [WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN..... Oh, well]

But more importantly than all of that.... I have a question. [SUDDENLY SERIOUS? Look, she's even leaning into the camera all dramatically] A question that will change the fate of the entire world! [Whatever's left of it] Well, mostly me right now, but for everyone's sake, I need an answer!

[There's a long, long pause as she stares intently into the camera. And then:]

Where's the nearest burger joint? I'm starved! And if we're really in the future they must have invented a way for burgers to be even more delicious! Right?

[... And then there's a brief flash of embarrassment, and when she continues she's a little more low-key] ... Um, and how do I get to the housing place? Unit... 406, I think?

[ Jo's on her way to the bank with the ticket the creepy woman gave her when she turns on the feed, so it bounces a little as she walks. ] Okay, other "transports", quick question: who all here thinks the woman that greeted us is completely insane, and who all bought her load of crap? [ Jo's not going to reveal, in so many words, how she feels but it's probably pretty obvious by the tone of her voice and the look on her face. ]

It has come to my attention that there are strangers here—no, strangers and familiars—that know a great deal about me from some vast and mysterious future that I myself do not know.

You can imagine that this information is unsettling. You will relinquish this information to me, be it now or in the future—whether or not you do so is not your choice to make.

[ Loki makes a sound in the very back of his throat like a 'tsk' as he says this, and his gaze is unamused, even angry, before he begins on another subject entirely; though with the same derision. ]

There is a human here with my face. It is not done by magic. It is my statement to be made now that I, here, am my own person; disregard him, for he speaks nothing of what I do.

Additionally, he's a rather horrid attitude. [ pot calling the kettle black ]

[ Click. ]

[ the video feed flickers on, and a young man sits at a desk. On it, there's a paintbrush, a small canvas and a set of watercolors. None of them have been touched, but the young man's fingers keep flexing around the brush. ]

I'm...not sure why I'm here. [ he slowly clears his throat, staring not at the feed but at the brush ] My only guess is they saw something they liked on the footage. [ a finger twitches against the brush ] But...I am pretty sure I have other ideas this time.

[ he looks up ]

That person you saw in the Games and the interviews wasn't me. Not the me that I remember, anyway. So if that's what you were expecting, I apologize. I'm not here to fight. You don't want me fighting.

[ there's the sound of a sharp crack as the paintbrush snaps in half. It begins to reform itself ]

My name's Peeta Mellark, and I'm going to sit this one out.

[The screen is black for a long moment, though the speakers seem to be working, passing along the soothing and lovely sound of someone banging their finger against a spot too near the microphone. Finally, though, the camera blooms to life, and give those watching a great look at the massive brown eye being shoved right up against the camera. A young woman’s voice is again too close to the mic]

Honestly, whoever enchanted this thing is a master artist. I can’t even detect a hint of magic around it, and yet it seems to be working just fine. I’m not sure why they made it look like a flat brick and not a proper crystal ball or mirror is beyond me.

[She sighs, pulling back slightly to reveal a young woman with slightly pointed ears and exotic features who looks anywhere between 15 and 23]

Oh wait, right, that would require someone to become a powerful archmage without going so utterly mad that they start running around creating whatever pops into their heads. [She holds it back further and shakes her head.] At least it isn’t an owlbear.

So, am I to take it there are those out there who can hear me?