[ BOOBS.

Oh wait, give him a second to adjust the camera until you get a good look of this hot chick lounging on a couch that's obviously Adam's; can of beer in one hand and trailing smoke from a lit cigarette in an ashtray on the table.

He's wearing skivvies. Yeah. If you care enough to look, the video is tagged Adam Jensen, and he tried to filter this from the original owner of this body but fuck, encrypting stuff sure is a hell of a lot harder if you don't have your hacking augmentation anymore and are really fucking drunk to boot.

As should become obvious in a second. ]

What's up. Are we all enjoying the newest clusterfuck sponsored by the Initiative?

[ Yeah he's slurring. So much for wanting to stop drinking but wow he hasn't properly gotten drunk in what feels like years. ]

Anyway. Today's a special day aaand this is why I need some professional help. [ No, not that kind of help. ] Lady help. Y'see I'm pretty tight with the original owner of this bombshell but I think she could kinda use a makeover. I mean fuck, look, her assets are pretty perfect already -- [ To emphasize his point, he poses a little awkwardly! Have another intended closeup of boobs as he leans forward, lifting them a bit with his hands, then he turns around briefly and you get a closeup of DAT ASS. ] Lots of tits and ass and wow her legs go on forever. So uuh, my point was... [ Flops down on couch again. Bounce. ]

I wanna do something about her wardrobe, and her hair, and her face. I mean, not too much, that'll look fake, but you know she usually runs around in this -- [ SWEEPING DRUNK GESTURE ] bulk of armor and everyone thinks she's a robot and I'm like why are you hiding that booty? So yeah, she's gotta see how nice she can look. At this point I probably spend more time grooming myself than she does and that's saying something.

[ Pause. Blink. So what was he--oh right. ]

So basically, 'm looking for a girl who got some time on her hands and a sense for aesthetics. Or two. Or three. I don't care.

[ He reaches for both the can of beer and the cigarette and wow, Samus sure is gonna be surprised! ]

[And, much like he said he would because Sollux is nothing but a man of his word, (when his word promises to do something spiteful towards a guy he very much dislikes), the feed opens up with just audio. Because if you saw the mess of a body this guy was in right now, you'd be horrified too.]

Public thervice announcement time.

I don't believe I even have to saying this, but apparently I fucking do. One. Just because you're in a different person's body doesn't give you the right to fuck with them. That includes: not being a dumbass and thinking just because the body you're in has superpowers that you should immediately try them out, and not doing anything that will later embarrass that person which INCLUDES POSTING VIDEOS NAKED, you know who I am talking to here. No one wantsth do see that shit, fuckheads.

Two. Will the original owner of the body of a blond woman who "usually wears a lot of armor" comment here. It pertains to the PSA I just had to give.

[He specifically means Samus because of this post. However, there are... quite a few blond women who wear armor in Exsilium. Whoops.]

...And a side note: if I say "rumble spheres", everyone knowsth what I mean, right?

Thieves.

[ River is currently pacing around anxiously in front of the tablet where it's sat on the bed she has not slept in once in the week she's been here. ( Has she slept at all ? ) She's playing with the ends of her hair, head bowed, but wide eyes with dark circles dart over to the tablet on every other pass. ]

You're all - thieves and thefts, criminals and their crimes. They told you to go and you went, toy soldiers lined up in a row, and they took it all. Took everything, took you -

[ She stops for a moment, just to stare, before her pacing grows a little more jerky and frantic. ]

You're not you anymore. They mixed the signals and broke it apart, tore you into pieces and put you back wrong. You are a soul and you have a body, he said, but when you take someone else's brain and put it in someone else's body, can you still be called you? Were you even you to begin with?

Nǐ suǒyǒu de shuōhuǎng zhě, it wasn't yours to take and you took it, stole it away, and I - I know what they're trying to do. I can see you, and you're wrong.

[ A hand buries in her hair, shaking. ]

They want help. They need help, they're trapped and they - put it in my head, you cut it out and put it there but that doesn't make it right. Who decided you were right?

[ She lifts her head suddenly, fingers still tangled in her hair and eyes gone even wider. ]

Where are you? Whose side are you on?

[ ooc; as per usual, hover for Chinese translations and please check out her permissions post! you might notice that her name as it appears on the network is listed as "Mǐnsōu Shí," which is the alias she'll be using while in Ex. The first name is an anagram of her brother's name and composed with hack-job Chinese characters that don't actually mean anything, which anyone that can speak the language is more than free to call her out on. :') ]

[Utsuho's out somewhere in the Outlands. She's kind of peeved that the mission people had been assigned to was a stealthy mission. Something she isn't good at. But rather than just blow everything up in disappointment, she took herself outside the city to vent. And she's still out there, unaware that it's over. Her tablet seems to have fallen on the ground, because she's up in the air...and completely unaware that she's dropped it.

She raises her arm cannon up into the air and the tip begins to glow. Nuclear warning klaxons seem to come out of nowhere as energy begins to gather and form into a a small sun above her. And it's actually still bigger than her. Three or four times bigger. With seemingly little effort, she hurls it down on the ground in the distance, causing a large explosion.]

Ha! That's more like it.


[and about an hour or so later, she finally checks the network and sees all the chaos she'd been missing. Then she sends out another message, but on purpose this time.]

What's all this about people switching bodies?

sdlfj ajlsdfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[Video]

[Hey, it's a tiny person! A tiny stick figure person! Who looks rather worried right now, actually, and not just because everything around him is huge by comparison]

I know I'm not the only one who got switched around again, but I really need to find my own body. And I... could use some help with that [That was almost pained-sounding, Summerses are genetically incapable of asking for help. Even when they currently have different genes] This body is really small, which makes searching difficult.

Male, six-eight or so, early sixties, grey hair, short an eye, may either have a massive headache at the moment or be making objects fly around.

[The feed turns on to show something that might be an unusual sight. It's Gamzee without his makeup. He's also wearing an extremely irritated and haggard expression]

120 hours, huh? [A deep sigh] I'm just popping in to say that this is Nepeta. Like so many others I've been pulled out of my own body for some stupid reason. [She can't even muster any catpuns right now]

So to those of you who don't know me, I'm a female troll with a blue tail so if you see her around that's currently not actually me. [Of all people to be swapped with. Then again after seeing some of the other posts on the network she supposes it could be worse. That's really all she has to say, and the feed closes]

Yo, Edgeworth. How you holding up there, buddy?

[He's sneering when he says that, sarcastic as hell, but he's honestly wondering. His body will be deep into the worst days of withdrawal right now. Not that he's really sorry about it. The ugly part of him is pleased that Edgeworth's getting a taste of what addiction's like, after the judgment and the lectures he had to endure from the guy.]

I was gonna keep this a surprise but, uh, I figure - hell, why not show it off now?

[He shrugs his hoodie off and re-positions the camera. This isn't one of those get naked broadcasts, no. He's just getting a nice clear shot of Edgeworth's right forearm. Which now sports this NSFW tattoo.]

Pretty awesome, right? You don't gotta pay me back. It's a present.

[He wiggles his arm a little, making the tattoo dance.]

Yeeeeaaaaahhhhhh!