[He's sitting on a chair in front of a blank wall with the netbook pisitioned a few feet away from him. He is holding a piece of cardboard with "Abed Nadir - Greendale Student" written on it.]

Hello, everyone. I'm really glad I got this netbook where I can say hello to everyone, because going up to each of you personally and giving this preset introduction would have been repetitive. And this is more conductive to the reality show I've just decided to make.

Anyways, I'm Abed, I just got here, I enjoy movies, TV shows, cereal, bunk beds, imagination, Christmas, kettle corn, and many other things which I hope to reveal gradually in an entertaining yet logical manner. I'm looking forward to doing things here.

[Nope he hasn't really figured out what to do about the current situation but oh well.]

Okay, your turn.