when one bypasses the brain [video]

[oncearanger]

[Billy is located in his garage, a number of shiny orb-like devices lining the walls behind him. There are a few gun-like shells too, though when questioned he'll be all too eager to explain that none of them are lethal.

He has the pale, bags-under-eyes look of someone who's hardly slept in a week. It's well earned.]

I've been thinking about the battle all week. And with what I know---or think I know---of the United Earth, I think I've committed an unforgivable crime. The UE citizens are guided from birth to hold certain opinions and aptitudes, slotted into their roles by a totalitarian organization pulling the strings, aren't they? If that's true, the soldiers never made an informed decision to fight against us. They were innocent, and...I murdered without acknowledging that. They never had a chance at freedom, and now they'll never have it.

[He hangs his head, drumming his fingers against the worktable.]

I know there's no penance for what I've done, no excuse that justifies it. Nothing will ever be enough. But to make it easier for others to fight without killing, I've been drawing up blueprints and making protoypes for some more effective non-lethal weapons. I understand if you don't trust me with them, or if you would rather develop them without me, but I'm willing to assist if you'll have me.

And before I end this: please don't think I'm passing judgment on anyone else about this. That world was worth trying to save, supplies were low. I simply allowed myself to cross a moral line I swore I wouldn't. I don't know how to live with myself, but I fully acknowledge that this is my own fault.

Comments

[Text]

[explains]

I'm something of an engineer myself, I wouldn't mind lending a hand with a project like that.

But mindless obedience or not, as admirable as compassion for an opponent is, that kind of thinking can easily get you killed.

[Text]

[oncearanger]

I'd be glad. The more people we have on these projects, the faster we'll be ready.

I know. I was killed for it. But it doesn't sit right with me.

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[salvagedsoul]

You look tired.

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[oncearanger]

I've brought a pillow with me. When I finally crash, I'll be ready.

[Voice]

[kungfublackfrog]

Where are you?

[Voice]

[oncearanger]

At the garage, working. The cement gun might be ready tomorrow.

private, text, anonymous.

[bumbles]

You're not alone. That battle tore pieces off a lot of us. Don' feel like you're bearing this alone.

private, text, anonymous.

[oncearanger]

That's...sad, but I have to admit it's a little comforting.

How are you coping?

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[khajidont]

[He'd spoken to Billy once out of costume, but he figures this time, it's better to do it as the Blue Beetle.]

In a war, just leaving guys unconscious or immobilized is a lot like leaving someone in a burning building and saying that you didn't kill them, you just didn't save them.

[His tone isn't nearly as pragmatic as his words. It bothered him a great deal in the heat of battle, and it's only continued to bother him a whole lot more.

That said...] This thing's got something called population suppression built in. It basically sends the guys I zap into sleepy-town for a few hours. If you think you can replicate something like that by having a look at it, you're free to give it a shot.

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[oncearanger]

[He buries his face in his hands.]

True. Maybe I've just held onto my idealism too long.

[But he keeps listening, because there's something else he can do.]

If that worked, though, it would be a step in the right direction. I'd like to try, if that's okay.

[voice]

[knightoflight]

[A long silence after the click of the audio feed clicks on. He hasn't thought of it like that, that the soldiers didn't have a choice.]

There must be something else we can do.

[voice]

[oncearanger]

That's what I'm working on.

Long-term, our quarrel is with the higher authorities in the United Earth, not its soldiers, so I'd like to take the fight to them. But we're not ready yet, and until we are, I want to try for a better way without compromising on our ability to save lives.

I hope that's possible.

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[inafadingcrown]

[It's a long time before she replies, if only because this whole thing has strained her too, albeit for different reasons.]

You killed; you did not murder. Regardless of what they did or did not know, they were the enemy and they would not have hesitated to end your life. I will not attempt to tell you that it is not a heavy weight to carry; I have no desire to lie. But I think you judge yourself too harshly. The heat of battle is no time to consider such things- it is kill or be killed.

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[oncearanger]

[Billy briefly looks up, still looking haunted.]

I know. They didn't. But I did it in part because I didn't have the tools to fight another way. I'm hoping to fix that, but...if this is going to work we have to be allowed to bring the fight to the people who are controlling what's going on.

And it still feels like murder to me.

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[sharpe]

[ Softly, kindly: ] It's a war, lad. Most battles I've been in, I've got more in common with the men I'm shooting at than those I take orders from. Only way ta think of it is that they made a choice ta be on the battlefield. They'd have known the risks, just like you did.

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[oncearanger]

[He just sounds weary and defeated at this point.]That's true, but...what did they die for? Something they had no choice in.

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[hostage]

[Jesse won't argue against murder being an unforgivable crime because, hell, he agrees with that sentiment one hundred percent. Still, he looks sympathetic.]

That's a good idea. If we could start like capturing 'em instead of killing 'em...

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[oncearanger]

Right. I'm not sure how many prisoners we have the space to hold, or how useful it would be, but we can start making plans for it.

[video]

[charming_jerk]

Think of it as self-defense. Plus, on that world, the people they were killing were innocent too. Someone had to try to defend them.

[video]

[oncearanger]

Yeah, that's true. I'm not going to refrain from fighting for them.

But I'd rather not kill if I can find a safe way around it.

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[minded]

Sometimes death is necessary in battle. It's best to move on and try not to let the grief consume you.

[ Conner takes in his appearance. ]

... when's the last time you slept?

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[oncearanger]

I'm trying, but it doesn't make sleep easy.

[He frowns and rubs at his temple.]

...an hour here, an hour there? I can't remember exactly, but I know it was within the past two days.

text; anonymous

[motherofnemesis]

It will get easier, eventually.

text; anonymous

[oncearanger]

It already has from my first kills a year ago, but...this case was striking. The people in the UE are in a truly horrible situation.

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[maiinframe]

Soldierth are designed to fight and die for their cauthe. They do not have will beyond that, and it ith honorable to die in servithe to one'th empire.

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[oncearanger]

Is that really true of the UE soldiers?

[Voice]

[weapabilities]

You don't look well.

[Voice]

[oncearanger]

I've been working long days. It doesn't leave much time for sleep.

voice;

[moralperil]

[This one is speaking softly. It's a young-sounding voice, tenor and sweet and mostly succeeded in remaining neutral.] I feel the same way, more or less, but...

It would've weighed just as much on me to know a whole world of people was swallowed up and I didn't try to fight it, I didn't try to stop it when I had a chance to.

So there's that.

voice;

[oncearanger]

It's the same for me.

I suppose the only way to win is to have better tools to stop the fight.

video.

[demonbloodblade]

I prefer not to kill, because many of those I've fought against have been unwilling fighters - drafted into armies under threat of death, of themselves or their familes; magically controlled; minds broken in horrible ways by those who find that a better way than worrying about loyalty.

Where I come from... we know there's an afterlife. It's not a possibility. We know it. The living can, with powerful magic, go there. There's many - each god takes up their followers when they die, and there are times when the only knowledge is in the mind of someone who died, and you have to go ask them. I did that once, and when I was there, I met the spirit of a man I'd killed. I apologized to him, begged his forgiveness, and he thanked me for it - he'd been shackled by the master who controlled him, and forced to fight, even when he didn't want to. And he told me there were others that I had killed in that mission, and they all were freed.

The troops that we fought... I broke a visor on one, and I saw his eyes. There was nothing there. His mind was not there. It is a perversion of all that makes a soul. I pray for their souls, that wherever they went, they are taken in and cherished and healed of the pain of their life in what comes after. Because their masters locked them in chains and forced them to act, and there was nothing else left.

To avoid killing is noble, and I respect it.

Do you think that, if we could capture one of the soldiers, you could examine their panoply and find if there is a way to break that control? It might be a worthwhile risk to do so, if you could.

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[oncearanger]

That sounds horrible.

But if there's any way to save those people, if there's something there to save, we have to try.

voice;

[alphonse]

I'd definitely like to see what you've come up with. It sounds like there are a lot of people who've never fought before realizing they might not have a choice here, so more non-lethal ways to help could spare a lot of lives on both sides.

voice

[oncearanger]

I want everyone to be able to protect themselves, but this should help.

I have one or two prototypes running if you're interested in seeing them?

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[unholy_rebirth]

[Ah, conflicted warrior feels. She knows these.]

Perhaps you have delivered them to something better.

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[oncearanger]

I'd like to think so, but I'm not counting on it.

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[ultimate_coordinator]

[ Look who's finally conscious. ]

I've been thinking about it too. If you need help, I'll help you. I'll need your help fixing my weapon too.

I think I also need to do some changes to it.

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[oncearanger]

What do you want to change?

[whatsupcroc]

I'm sorry to hear that you're really not cut out for war. It's unfair to have you here, Billy, when it's like that.

[oncearanger]

I thought I was. I've done it before. But something about this conflict felt different.

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[originalgaangster]

If you want some help, let me know, okay?

I mean, I dunno if I'm up to your technology and whatever, but I need something to keep my hands busy.

[ Sokka isn't going to try and moralize about how people die in wars. It's not something he's comfortable with himself. Besides, Billy doesn't need that right now. ]

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[oncearanger]

I can teach you.

Did you get around to mastering that engine, by the way?

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[debtor]

[Allen listens, somber, sympathetic, conflicted. He chose not to kill anyone; murder is inexcusable, he'll never find it justifiable, but after watching the UE snuff out billions of human lives...

The hands of both sides are bloodstained.]

You cannot undo the past, but you can continue moving forward. If you find another way, a way to put an end to the fighting without taking anymore lives, perhaps in that way... you'll give their deaths meaning.

May I ask, what sort of weapons are you building?

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[oncearanger]

It's all I can do.

[He stared at his hands, guilty.]

I need to be able to stun people en masse, to stop as much fighting in a sector at once as possible. I made a gun that causes people's feet to stick somewhere for a few hours, and a portable shield, but they're all in testing phases. I need various tranquilizers as well.