exsilium | when one bypasses the brain [video]

[Billy is located in his garage, a number of shiny orb-like devices lining the walls behind him. There are a few gun-like shells too, though when questioned he'll be all too eager to explain that none of them are lethal.

He has the pale, bags-under-eyes look of someone who's hardly slept in a week. It's well earned.]

I've been thinking about the battle all week. And with what I know---or think I know---of the United Earth, I think I've committed an unforgivable crime. The UE citizens are guided from birth to hold certain opinions and aptitudes, slotted into their roles by a totalitarian organization pulling the strings, aren't they? If that's true, the soldiers never made an informed decision to fight against us. They were innocent, and...I murdered without acknowledging that. They never had a chance at freedom, and now they'll never have it.

[He hangs his head, drumming his fingers against the worktable.]

I know there's no penance for what I've done, no excuse that justifies it. Nothing will ever be enough. But to make it easier for others to fight without killing, I've been drawing up blueprints and making protoypes for some more effective non-lethal weapons. I understand if you don't trust me with them, or if you would rather develop them without me, but I'm willing to assist if you'll have me.

And before I end this: please don't think I'm passing judgment on anyone else about this. That world was worth trying to save, supplies were low. I simply allowed myself to cross a moral line I swore I wouldn't. I don't know how to live with myself, but I fully acknowledge that this is my own fault.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Softly, kindly: ] It's a war, lad. Most battles I've been in, I've got more in common with the men I'm shooting at than those I take orders from. Only way ta think of it is that they made a choice ta be on the battlefield. They'd have known the risks, just like you did.

[He just sounds weary and defeated at this point.]That's true, but...what did they die for? Something they had no choice in.

Do you expect everyone who died ta do it fer a reason? People die, lad, 'specially soldiers.

It's the first time such innocent people have died at my hands.

I told you - they chose ta be in a war. That means they know the risks, and they aren't innocent. [ Wryly. Then- ] 'sides, you might not have killed any of 'em permanently.

[There's a soft sigh from him.]

Again, a good point. But I didn't want to rely on that to clear my conscience when they could just as easily be gone.

[ Snorts. ]

So say that instead.

[Sadly]

As I have.

So yer just trying to soothe yer own guilty conscience, eh?

And to keep myself out of the same position in the future.

when one bypasses the brain [video]

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