exsilium | when one bypasses the brain [video]

[Billy is located in his garage, a number of shiny orb-like devices lining the walls behind him. There are a few gun-like shells too, though when questioned he'll be all too eager to explain that none of them are lethal.

He has the pale, bags-under-eyes look of someone who's hardly slept in a week. It's well earned.]

I've been thinking about the battle all week. And with what I know---or think I know---of the United Earth, I think I've committed an unforgivable crime. The UE citizens are guided from birth to hold certain opinions and aptitudes, slotted into their roles by a totalitarian organization pulling the strings, aren't they? If that's true, the soldiers never made an informed decision to fight against us. They were innocent, and...I murdered without acknowledging that. They never had a chance at freedom, and now they'll never have it.

[He hangs his head, drumming his fingers against the worktable.]

I know there's no penance for what I've done, no excuse that justifies it. Nothing will ever be enough. But to make it easier for others to fight without killing, I've been drawing up blueprints and making protoypes for some more effective non-lethal weapons. I understand if you don't trust me with them, or if you would rather develop them without me, but I'm willing to assist if you'll have me.

And before I end this: please don't think I'm passing judgment on anyone else about this. That world was worth trying to save, supplies were low. I simply allowed myself to cross a moral line I swore I wouldn't. I don't know how to live with myself, but I fully acknowledge that this is my own fault.

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I prefer not to kill, because many of those I've fought against have been unwilling fighters - drafted into armies under threat of death, of themselves or their familes; magically controlled; minds broken in horrible ways by those who find that a better way than worrying about loyalty.

Where I come from... we know there's an afterlife. It's not a possibility. We know it. The living can, with powerful magic, go there. There's many - each god takes up their followers when they die, and there are times when the only knowledge is in the mind of someone who died, and you have to go ask them. I did that once, and when I was there, I met the spirit of a man I'd killed. I apologized to him, begged his forgiveness, and he thanked me for it - he'd been shackled by the master who controlled him, and forced to fight, even when he didn't want to. And he told me there were others that I had killed in that mission, and they all were freed.

The troops that we fought... I broke a visor on one, and I saw his eyes. There was nothing there. His mind was not there. It is a perversion of all that makes a soul. I pray for their souls, that wherever they went, they are taken in and cherished and healed of the pain of their life in what comes after. Because their masters locked them in chains and forced them to act, and there was nothing else left.

To avoid killing is noble, and I respect it.

Do you think that, if we could capture one of the soldiers, you could examine their panoply and find if there is a way to break that control? It might be a worthwhile risk to do so, if you could.

That sounds horrible.

But if there's any way to save those people, if there's something there to save, we have to try.

when one bypasses the brain [video]

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