exsilium | when one bypasses the brain [video]

[Billy is located in his garage, a number of shiny orb-like devices lining the walls behind him. There are a few gun-like shells too, though when questioned he'll be all too eager to explain that none of them are lethal.

He has the pale, bags-under-eyes look of someone who's hardly slept in a week. It's well earned.]

I've been thinking about the battle all week. And with what I know---or think I know---of the United Earth, I think I've committed an unforgivable crime. The UE citizens are guided from birth to hold certain opinions and aptitudes, slotted into their roles by a totalitarian organization pulling the strings, aren't they? If that's true, the soldiers never made an informed decision to fight against us. They were innocent, and...I murdered without acknowledging that. They never had a chance at freedom, and now they'll never have it.

[He hangs his head, drumming his fingers against the worktable.]

I know there's no penance for what I've done, no excuse that justifies it. Nothing will ever be enough. But to make it easier for others to fight without killing, I've been drawing up blueprints and making protoypes for some more effective non-lethal weapons. I understand if you don't trust me with them, or if you would rather develop them without me, but I'm willing to assist if you'll have me.

And before I end this: please don't think I'm passing judgment on anyone else about this. That world was worth trying to save, supplies were low. I simply allowed myself to cross a moral line I swore I wouldn't. I don't know how to live with myself, but I fully acknowledge that this is my own fault.

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The brain damage might even cause me to forget the nightmares.

[He flashes a thin smile at his terrible joke.]

Honestly...thank you for offering, but I'm not sure that's much better.

It might.

[ He'll agree with that. ]

I take it you don't trust the doctors here to give you anything to help you sleep?

They have their hands full with serious concerns, don't they?

I'm sure they do, but it couldn't hurt to pay them a short visit.

I'll give it a try. I can't work with anything dangerous while sleep-deprived.

[He says this more to convince himself.]

No, that probably wouldn't be a good thing. Not just for you but anyone nearby.

[ A faint smirk. ]

I can still come by and knock you out for tonight. You can worry about visiting the doctor tomorrow.

I don't think I need to take that risk, but thank you.

Consider the offer there for the future, then.

I will. I'll assure you when I've been properly medicated so you don't need to come.

You have twenty-four hours, Billy, or I'm coming down there.

[ Get yourself some sleeping drugs, boy. He's serious. ]

Understood.

[He signs off and programs a reminder for himself. Sixteen hours later, he leaves a text message.]

I've just awakened from an extended period of sleep. Punching my lights out won't be necessary. -Billy

Glad to hear. What did they give you?

Regulator of the sleep cycle, to make sure I slept long enough to begin to heal.

And that's what? A sleeping pill or two?

Right. I don't want to be dependent on them, but it helped.

Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. Maybe this will help kick your sleeping cycle back into gear.

I hope so. But if I can work around dreams, that'll have to be my next project.

How would that work? I thought dreams weren't something we had control over.

They're not, but they occur at a specific point in the sleep cycle. We do dream, even if we don't always remember it. The goal is to keep my mind focused on other things.

when one bypasses the brain [video]

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