exsilium | when one bypasses the brain [video]

[Billy is located in his garage, a number of shiny orb-like devices lining the walls behind him. There are a few gun-like shells too, though when questioned he'll be all too eager to explain that none of them are lethal.

He has the pale, bags-under-eyes look of someone who's hardly slept in a week. It's well earned.]

I've been thinking about the battle all week. And with what I know---or think I know---of the United Earth, I think I've committed an unforgivable crime. The UE citizens are guided from birth to hold certain opinions and aptitudes, slotted into their roles by a totalitarian organization pulling the strings, aren't they? If that's true, the soldiers never made an informed decision to fight against us. They were innocent, and...I murdered without acknowledging that. They never had a chance at freedom, and now they'll never have it.

[He hangs his head, drumming his fingers against the worktable.]

I know there's no penance for what I've done, no excuse that justifies it. Nothing will ever be enough. But to make it easier for others to fight without killing, I've been drawing up blueprints and making protoypes for some more effective non-lethal weapons. I understand if you don't trust me with them, or if you would rather develop them without me, but I'm willing to assist if you'll have me.

And before I end this: please don't think I'm passing judgment on anyone else about this. That world was worth trying to save, supplies were low. I simply allowed myself to cross a moral line I swore I wouldn't. I don't know how to live with myself, but I fully acknowledge that this is my own fault.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Billy sighs, spinning around and grabbing up his pillow. The stools here are designed to keep him going for long periods, not be particularly cozy, but he'll manage.]

Those people were manipulated like marionettes on strings into fighting us. Killing them...I was worried about my life, and yours as well, and...

[He sighs]

The way I see it, I'm no different than the monsters we used to fight. I slaughtered without a thought, only to regret it a week later.

[Let him try and figure out a good way to reassure the younger ranger that none of it was his fault.]

That's bullshit and you know it.

[A little blunt but it surely got the point across.]

[Well, that caught his attention. Billy's head snaps up, eyes wide.]
Which part is bullshit?

[He says the whole sentence in a questioning tone, no change in inflection for the last word.]

[Yeah well deal with it.]

Everything.

[He pauses, gripping one of his wrists as he tries to gather up his own thoughts.]

I've seen monsters who act more humane and those with the looks of humans be more atrocious; some of them put Master Vile to shame. You are no monster and don't forget that. Yes, lives have been taken during this battle but don't believe that it makes you evil or bad...just...sometimes things can't go our own way.

[But there's still something on Adam's mind, ever since learning that the Initiative had the same technology the scientists in Discedo had to bring back the dead. A normal person would be happy that they could live again but what about those who've lived and died and brought back so many times? Or those who've seen it happen to people so much that it makes them think long and hard.]

You might think I'm crazy for mentioning this but...when you mentioned the soldiers never having a chance at freedom...what if you already did?

[Billy blinks, hard. He's relieved that Adam hasn't shunned him. His current link to the Rangers...and they're still a team. But one thing confuses him.]

What do you mean by that? What chance at freedom?

[He will never shun his friends over something like this. War itself is terrible and Adam wishes it on no one, even his worst enemy.]

They were brainwashed from the beginning. From the moment they were brought into this world until they stepped onto that battlefield, they did everything that the United Earth told them to do. But what if they wanted to escape that torture and yet the force keeping them from doing so was choking them. At this point, I don't think we have the means to reverse anything like that.

So that left only one other choice.

It's worth investigating if there is a way, though.

[He curls forward, pulling up a knee.]

I still don't like doing it.

You and me both.

[It's said quietly as the older ranger put a hand on his friend's shoulder.]

I want to save everyone but sometimes reality hits harder than expected. There are some things even I have to wonder about despite how good they can be.

What things are those?

[Billy shuffles closer, feeling comforted but only slightly.]

[He's a little uncomfortable bringing it up but...it's Billy. Still not sure about it.]

Promise not to freak out or think any less of me?

Promise. I'd probably be a hypocrite if I did.

And you're my friend. Always.

[He flashes a sincere smile]

[He takes a deep breath and prays he's right.]

The place where you came from...what happened to those who died?

They were dead and that was it. We placed their bodies in coffins and launched them into stars.

[So everywhere doesn't have an immediate revival system. Sad to say but...he's relieved.]

I've...been thinking lately about how people die here but then suddenly revived. It's like a double edged sword, isn't it?

[They're talking about this now? Billy lowers his eyes, terror building as he remembers what he felt. He bites his lip.]

Yes. The moment of death is...horrible. It's nothing like going to sleep, at least not if the death is a violent one. Terror, knowing with certainty that you'll never accomplish the things you set out to do. Mourning for friends left behind.

And then, surprise, it's not permanent after all. Imagine if someone had admitted some dreadful secrets and then had to live with them.

[They need to at some point. Dancing round the issue won't help anyone out in the long run. But how the hell was he going to put in words his own feelings on it? He can't say he's been there because...well...he never got himself killed. Even with the sudden revivals, the whole idea felt wrong.]

It's...not that part I'm worried about.

[He's so quiet as he spoke up, just so unsure if he should be saying anything at all.]

If that's not it...

[He suddenly feels guilty, looking at a point on the wall.]

Then what are you worried about? That I'm secretly a zombie waiting for the golden opportunity to eat your brain?

when one bypasses the brain [video]

permaction

regret nothing

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject