three. (video.)

[reconnaissance]

( At least this time Ellie isn't in some random, ramshackle building, but enjoying the warmth of the kitchen and a giant cup of coffee. At least she looks marginally better rested than she has on previous occasions. )

So, with that whole swap thing, I've been thinking. ( A pause, and there's a note of self mockery in her voice: ) Because I don't think enough when weird stuff isn't happening. Or less-weird stuff, at any rate. ( Has she really digressed already and wandered off with her thoughts? She shakes her head at herself. )

I was thinking about anger. Or any emotion, I guess, when they get that intense that you feel like all your insides are writhing about like snakes, but anger's the one that stuck out for me. We're all in this war, and some of us have been in wars before and some haven't, and everyone handles it in these different ways.

( She trails off; articulating this isn't going so smoothly as she'd expected, but sometimes you just have to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Homer used to throw pasta at the wall, a lot, and a bloody lot of that stuck. The memory makes her smile a little. )

I mean, just before I got here, Kev-- uh, this guy in our group, he wasn't doing so well with everything. ( See, Fi, she at least tried not to name and shame. Belatedly. ) Everyone tried different things to get him going, and it was this weird insight-- I guess it just said a bit about the kind of people we are, depending what tactic we used. ( Fi: sympathy. Lee: abuse. Homer: encouragement. )
I was all logic and common sense. ( A beat, before she continues, speaking a little more slowly as she grapples with her pride and tries to think it out. ) Sometimes I don't think that really shows the full picture, but.

( She could say that it definitely doesn't, not when you got anger that just bubbles up and blows being reasonable right out of the water. She could, but does not. )

Anyway, I was talking to this guy here, before, about anger. How you can use it, and that, make it work for you, and I just... I didn't know if that really worked for anyone. If anger's a weapon, or if you got an on/off switch for it, or what? 'Cause there's this quote in uh, this Shakespeare play - “wrath makes him deaf,” I think the Queen in Henry VI. ( She squints, trying to remember. ) And then there's another bit, about not coming between “the dragon and his rage,” in King Lear. I think Lear was already going crazy, though, by then, though. ( Quietly: ) It's been a while since I studied them. Trying to read that stuff and figure out all the language is hard, without those special high school study editions.

( Where was she even going with this? )

So I guess I just wondered what you lot thought about it. Anger and controlling anger and using it and whether it screws you up, or what.

( A beat, and she smiles crookedly. ) Or we could talk about dragons. We don't have any back home, but some of you have to have dragons, right?

Comments

[video]

[knightoflight]

[There's a long pause before he answers, taking in her story.]

Anger is powerful, but I find it's a sword with no safe handle. It's just as likely to damage the wielder as those he aims it against.

[video]

[reconnaissance]

( She isn't even trying not to stare, but rather than demanding anything, exclaiming anything in all kinds of colourful ways, she just listens. That's probably some amazing armour, right? She's pretty sure Asami said something about amazing armour one time. Armour with nice people. )

I was worried someone would say that.

( Is this the time to be flippant? Probably not. ) Do you know people who've gotten burned? Or... been at either end of the sword, I guess. ( Just the one metaphor might be best. )

video

[onblackwings]

[ that whole post, and guess which single part grabbed her attention ]

What about them? [ a beat. she frowns, very helpfully adds: ] Dragons, that is.

video

[reconnaissance]

Dunno. Anything? All we ever heard about them in stories back home was that they usually got slain by heroic knights and liked to keep a whole lot've treasure.

[theboywhodied]

[Cedric's looking more wild-eyed than usual. It looks like something's just clicked into place.]

I don't think holding all that pain inside can do much good. Obviously you don't yell at people who don't deserve it or make life miserable for everyone, but...maybe smash a few things that no one will miss?

[reconnaissance]

( A smile; only a little one, but it's fond, and couples with a quiet laugh. )

I don't know if a few smashes vases are gonna cut it, Ricco. ( Though his first comment is sobering, when she comes back to it, and the smile disappears. ) You're right about the other bit. Or, at least, you shouldn't, it doesn't mean you don't.

( Even so, she gives him a glance. )

You all right, Cedric?

Video

[icy_heavens]

Using anger isn't a bad thing -- so long as you don't let it consume you. [He knows this, even if he falls victim to this very thing on occasion.]

Video

[reconnaissance]

( He seems young; Ellie isn't naive enough to comment on it. She seems young to a lot of people, too. )

Where's that line? I mean, I know everyone gets angry, but so many things can turn into anger... ( That's not what she's trying to say, and she rubs her forehead as she tries to straighten it all out. ) How do you keep it in check?

[solitaire]

Anger can be channeled. An' dragons are annoyin', mostly.

[reconnaissance]

How? I mean, if you had to teach someone to do it. ( This is so clearly not a general question, but she doesn't really care too much. Rita already declared her deranged and dangerous, maybe getting some tips wouldn't be a bad call.

And she should ask about the dragons, but instead: ) What kinda accent is that?

perma-audio forever

[heirwithouthope]

[Thorin was in self-imposed exile, intent about not showing his face to anyone for reasons. Until his beard grows back after a certain Russian bastard shaved it off and ruined his life. But this subject is not one he can easily let slip by.]

We have them. You are more fortunate than you know if you do not.

let's make this an audio party

[reconnaissance]

( Ah, Ellie knows that Russian bastard. He called her brave and stupid. Sort of.

Never mind that. )

Yeah? ( Curious, but she tries to reign that in, in the hopes of being vaguely considerate. ) I, uh-- what do they do?

( Okay, maybe not that successfully. )

permavoice.

[isinganyway]

[ Anger. She knows anger. But that is a dangerous place to tread, so she sticks to safer topics. ]

Once, we had them - dragons, that is. Then the Doom came, and nearly all of them died out with it. No one's seen a dragon in over a century.

whoooo voicetimes

[reconnaissance]

What was the Doom?

( Brace thyself for all the questions. ) So they're extinct? I always associate that with dodos. Dragons seem like they should be hardier than that.

video;

[arachnoid]

[ He hesitates before deciding to reply, and even after he turns on the feed there's a delay while he tries to work out the right words. ]

I think it's - I think Shakespeare had it right, it makes you deaf. I mean it's motivating, like, really motivating, but it makes you blind to what's important and can really steer you off track.

[ But that's a bit too real for him, so he switches gears somewhat awkwardly. ]

And I think dragons make flying look way easier than it actually is. Those wings were seriously not built for efficiency.

video;

[reconnaissance]

It's weird, isn't it? You get that fire that you need, and sometimes it's the only thing that feels like it's keeping you going, but... you kind wind up going off in completely the wrong direction.

( A quiet scoff, shaking her head. ) And we haven't even figured it out since Shakespeare was knocking about. We're a mess, huh?

( That gear switch is welcome, though she can recognise a change in subject for what it is. ) What about them Pegasus horses? They can't be fixed up right, either. And bees? I heard once that how bees fly couldn't be explained by science. ( But she frowns, trying to remember if that's right. )

Hey, did you get through that, ( she waves her hand a bit vaguely, because how does one gesture for this? ) body mess thing okay?

( IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CARES )

text;

[salvagedsoul]

[It takes him a moment to parse out her actual question, but he thinks he gets it.]

"Using" one's anger does not address the source of it. Just the attempt itself suggests insecurity, or at least shortsightedness. Although I can understand why people would be so tempted to try.

text;

[reconnaissance]

I guess I can see what you mean with shortsightedness, but what can you do to address the source of your anger? Something like losing your home to a war, or something like that? Trying to find justice or whatever you need to resolve something that big could be a disaster, couldn't it?

video;

[motioned]

I guess anger can be useful sometimes... But it's sad to see people mad, too.

video;

[reconnaissance]

( You are a strange and endearing person, Ahiru. )

It is. Sometimes it's all that can keep them going, though.

( Like Lee. Anger was all that held him together in his grief. )

[indirection]

I'd say my world has dragons, given that I am one. And I can tell you that your Shakespeare is right: coming between us and our rage is not a good idea.

[reconnaissance]

You're a--

( Hmm. ) But you can talk... ( And don't seem very dragonish. ) Is this a metaphor?

[Voice]

[fashionablylate]

...Anger's pretty powerful. As long as you don't lose yourself in it... Yeah. I think it can work as a source of strength. [More like been there, done that, but he doesn't really want to share stories.] The important thing is knowing the difference between anger and hate.

[Voice]

[reconnaissance]

Is the distinction really that important? They're both things that keep you focused, aren't they?

( Such a healthy person. )

[whatsupcroc]

I'm not sure if it works entirely, but I hear you on everyone kind of having their own thing? Anger doesn't work like that for me. But I know someone... who uses her anger as part of what gives her strength, in fighting?

( Rachel had also seemed to love the fighting. Collette felt some of that, but not the way the older Animorph seemed to... though she only had a small idea of what that love of fighting was like. )

And someone else who's important to me uses anger to help him focus on why he has people to protect. It doesn't always make him easy to get along with, but he gets angry because he cares, and he confronts people being total jerks using that anger as something to help focus and give him strength to argue.

( She shrugs, offering the camera a smile. )

But it means he gets hot-headed and doesn't see things through, or he has trouble laughing at himself, sometimes, which is okay. It's why he's lucky to have people like me around! I guess anger's scary because it can get away with you.

( Now... she thinks of Al. )

You stop holding back and you go too far over the line because you let the anger control you, instead of the other way around. Being rational about how things work... that's not bad! Emotions just don't think rationally. They're not logic. So if a scary one's in control, instead of the other way around...

( She trails off with her hands held up in front of her chest as she shrugs. What's there to say? Her own philosophy is a bit toward the other end of the spectrum. )

[reconnaissance]

Yeah. I mean. Everything you're saying makes sense.

( She has to take a while to process it, rubbing her forehead, trying to remember just how she got so angry and if it even serves a purpose for anything. If she uses it for focus as it is, or if she just wants to think that way.

The silence drags out a long while, until she tampers with the feed to make it private. Her filters aren't particularly skilled, but she can try. )

I, um. I don't think I've got any-- focus in my anger, not really. It's just there and it kind of boils and burns and blisters. I could get through things before, we fought the war, but then I just keep getting angrier about everything. And I've been pretty awful to my friends.

( She's not looking at the camera. Even if Collette isn't there to address, it feels oddly difficult to confront. Eye contact might take the wind out of her sails completely. )

I'm always the one who's thinking too much and caught up in my own head, but I think I might be the most angry one out of the lot of us, back home. Except maybe Lee. I don't even know how to try to work him and his anger out. ( She's angry with him, too, the way his anger pushed them to suicidal plans because they couldn't let one of their own go off alone. )

Why is that when you try to talk things out they never make any sense?

voice. will be slower than a glacier in greenland in december

[justthedriver]

Very long question for very simple thing.

voice. but a glorious and delightful glacier, and that's all that matters

[reconnaissance]

Because I'm a stupid devotchka, right?

( Sorry that she is ruining your language, Nikolai. )

[video]

[mr_wing_tip_shoes]

Anger can be very useful. It's one of the easiest emotions to manipulate, especially if it belongs to someone else.

[video]

[reconnaissance]

( The guy isn't really saying things to win her over, but she's not sure why he'd be so obviously creepy. )

Okay. And why'd you wanna be doing that, exactly?

voice;

[skennen]

That is an awful lot of talk about anger. [Pause.] What has made you angry?

[Some hooded men are wise and well-spoken... others are just exceptionally blunt.]

voice;

[reconnaissance]

( Ellie enjoys bluntness. Skirting around the issue can be fun, but sometimes it's a waste of time. )

War. Death. Losing people I care about. Killing people I didn't care about. Risking my life to make a difference. Getting put back in a warzone after escaping from a death sentence.

( She reels it off casually, though her gaze is fixed steadily on the device, even if she is only hearing from this person via voice. All her attention is on it, though her words are delivered so flippantly as to sound joking. ) And my ex could be a real pain in the backside, sometimes.

( Hmm. ) You know, this and that.

[ video ]

[hostage]

[Woo, boy, Jesse looks sick right now. He's curled up in his bed with a blanket, kind of slumped over his pillow while he's browsing the network. The tablet's resting up against something, otherwise it'd be shaking along with the rest of him.]

Anger's the worst. Anger's how you make all the wrong choices. It's no good for anything, 'cause you can't see clear when you're mad about something. You make mistakes. Usually the kind you can't take back.

[ video ]

[reconnaissance]

Jesus. ( She straightens up, leans a little closer to the tablet to examine him a bit more carefully. ) Forget the anger, Jesse, I'm pretty sure you're looking the worst, right now.

( Such delicate and tactful phrasing. ) What's wrong with you?

( And is this a nice way to ignore his sensible advice when she is learning all about how to use her anger? Never. )

[inthejunk]

You're supposed to count to ten.

It doesn't help when you're so angry you want to throw up, though. In that case it's best to kick the wall and scream. Better than kicking someone else, anyway. Right?

[reconnaissance]

( She cannot tell if this person is serious, or just screwing with her, and her expression darkens a little. )

Okay. And what if you're in a situation where making a sound or drawing attention to yourself could kill you?

( She can be nice and patient but she isn't being either of those things right now. Ah. )

video.

[flamberge]

Anger leads to carelessness and carelessness, particularly in combat, can lead to death. It is not something which should be used as a weapon when other weapons are available at your disposal.

video.

[reconnaissance]

You're definitely not wrong, about the first part. It can go wrong in all kinds of ways. ( She bites her lip, chewing on it as she tries to figure out her thoughts. There are so many conflicting ideas and ideals being tossed her way that she can't get her head around it. )

What do you think of when people just can't... work? You know? When they're falling apart and it's all they've got that they can hold onto, to keep themselves going.

( Like Lee. Of course she was in another world and still worrying about Lee. )

Permavid

[governorkang]

Anger can be very useful, as long as you keep control of it, and don't let it control you. It's not a pleasant feeling when it happens.

[His tone goes from serious to more casual, and he shrugs.]

As for dragons, my world does have them. Some kinds are more tolerable than others.

forever and forever

[reconnaissance]

( weeeeeellllllll it takes her a long time to reply to this particular video post. Because. There is Kang, being... visually Kang. And Kang is not a human shaped thing. So. Hmm.

Eventually, though: )

Geez. I should make a tally system for how many people say it's useful, and how many people say it's good for nothing at all. I think I've lost count.

( She grins a little, even if it fades fast. )

Are you a... dragon?

video

[draconic_historian]

Oh yes, we have some dragons. This King Lear character sounds like he was no fool.

video

[reconnaissance]

( what has she done why does she do these things to herself

Here lies Ellie: hating her life just a tiny bit. )

Ahh. Okay! I guess we do.

( Help her, world. ) But, um. Actually the point with Lear was kind of that he was the fool. Or, at least, he get crazier and crazier. It's a really confusing play. I'm pretty sure the part about not upsetting a dragon is good advice, though.

private; voice;

[innominata]

The dragons are all dead.

private; voice;

[reconnaissance]

( It takes her a little while to recognise the voice; she listens to it over a few times, before she finally starts her reply. )

Cat, yeah?

( Mm. She just hums, thoughtful. ) Were dragons troublemakers, back home? Another bloke, he mentioned stealing stuff and attacking people.

You doing all right?

Video

[showmeyourwreath]

_{[Ooh boy. This hits a bit close to home. Flora's voice is gentle, but maybe a little melancholy. Just a tad.]}

It all depends, I think. That you make sure you use it, and that you don't let it use you, but when your emotions are running that high, it gets easier to lose sight of that difference. There are things that, if you do in anger, you can't take back, even if that's not the person you really are, so you have to be careful.

Video

[reconnaissance]

That seems like the general consensus. Or, at least, either you gotta be real careful, or you're an idiot for trying.

( Unfortunately, Ellie's never been terrible good at sparing people her bluntness, especially when it catches her curiousity. ) Are you speaking from experience?

→ action

[controlledvariable]

[After watching the whole video, and scrolling through some of the responses, Steph decides it'd be easiest to just make her way to Ellie's apartment. She's still not entirely sure if she trusts the network, so it's easier to simply let herself in through the front door (if it's locked, she'll just pick it; they really should get keys cut for each other), and find Ellie in the kitchen.]

Hey. [She smiles, pours herself a mug of coffee, then curls up in the seat next to Ellie.]

You get the answers you want?

[She has her own thoughts, but she'll let Ellie talk first.]

always and forever

[reconnaissance]

( It's just Ellie home; of course it's locked. When the door clicks open, though, she figures there are only three people it can be, and the steps sound like Steph. It's weird how you can get used just to how someone moves, even.

In the meantime, Ellie has been working on a tally sheet. It reads:

FOR: IIIII II
AGAINST: IIIII
MAYBE: III
DRAGONS: IIIII I
?: II

She just looks up at Steph with a little smile, leaning backwards until her chair is precariously balanced on two legs, grabbing a tin from the counter before she settles her chair back on the floor and slides the biscuits to Steph. )

I think I'm more mixed up about it than I was before.

video;

[revelation]

I think... acting in anger is just a temporary salutation to what could be a long term problem and that in the end it just ends up hurting more. It feels good, because you're getting it out but in the end it'll just end up hurting more. You could even hurt someone you care about in the process.

Of course, just letting it build up isn't a good thing but I just don't think using it is the right answer.

( ah, that was a bit of a mouthful for her. )

And I never saw real dragons until I came here, they're just a part of stories back home.

Re: video;

[reconnaissance]

What do you propose? If using it and storing it aren't good? ( she sounds incredibly tired, but not frustrated. She feels like trying to work this out is just getting her head more muddled than it was at the start, with so many opinions clustering and fluttering. ) It sounds like trying to walk a tightrope.

( Her hands drag over her face, just for a couple of seconds, and she pushes her hair out of her face. ) No kidding. Here you got-- dragons, and people that are apparently dragons, and people made from dragons but that aren't dragons.

( Phew. )