exsilium | three. (video.)

three. (video.)

( At least this time Ellie isn't in some random, ramshackle building, but enjoying the warmth of the kitchen and a giant cup of coffee. At least she looks marginally better rested than she has on previous occasions. )

So, with that whole swap thing, I've been thinking. ( A pause, and there's a note of self mockery in her voice: ) Because I don't think enough when weird stuff isn't happening. Or less-weird stuff, at any rate. ( Has she really digressed already and wandered off with her thoughts? She shakes her head at herself. )

I was thinking about anger. Or any emotion, I guess, when they get that intense that you feel like all your insides are writhing about like snakes, but anger's the one that stuck out for me. We're all in this war, and some of us have been in wars before and some haven't, and everyone handles it in these different ways.

( She trails off; articulating this isn't going so smoothly as she'd expected, but sometimes you just have to throw things at the wall and see what sticks. Homer used to throw pasta at the wall, a lot, and a bloody lot of that stuck. The memory makes her smile a little. )

I mean, just before I got here, Kev-- uh, this guy in our group, he wasn't doing so well with everything. ( See, Fi, she at least tried not to name and shame. Belatedly. ) Everyone tried different things to get him going, and it was this weird insight-- I guess it just said a bit about the kind of people we are, depending what tactic we used. ( Fi: sympathy. Lee: abuse. Homer: encouragement. )
I was all logic and common sense. ( A beat, before she continues, speaking a little more slowly as she grapples with her pride and tries to think it out. ) Sometimes I don't think that really shows the full picture, but.

( She could say that it definitely doesn't, not when you got anger that just bubbles up and blows being reasonable right out of the water. She could, but does not. )

Anyway, I was talking to this guy here, before, about anger. How you can use it, and that, make it work for you, and I just... I didn't know if that really worked for anyone. If anger's a weapon, or if you got an on/off switch for it, or what? 'Cause there's this quote in uh, this Shakespeare play - “wrath makes him deaf,” I think the Queen in Henry VI. ( She squints, trying to remember. ) And then there's another bit, about not coming between “the dragon and his rage,” in King Lear. I think Lear was already going crazy, though, by then, though. ( Quietly: ) It's been a while since I studied them. Trying to read that stuff and figure out all the language is hard, without those special high school study editions.

( Where was she even going with this? )

So I guess I just wondered what you lot thought about it. Anger and controlling anger and using it and whether it screws you up, or what.

( A beat, and she smiles crookedly. ) Or we could talk about dragons. We don't have any back home, but some of you have to have dragons, right?

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It's weird, isn't it? You get that fire that you need, and sometimes it's the only thing that feels like it's keeping you going, but... you kind wind up going off in completely the wrong direction.

( A quiet scoff, shaking her head. ) And we haven't even figured it out since Shakespeare was knocking about. We're a mess, huh?

( That gear switch is welcome, though she can recognise a change in subject for what it is. ) What about them Pegasus horses? They can't be fixed up right, either. And bees? I heard once that how bees fly couldn't be explained by science. ( But she frowns, trying to remember if that's right. )

Hey, did you get through that, ( she waves her hand a bit vaguely, because how does one gesture for this? ) body mess thing okay?

( IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CARES )

[ The Shakespeare comment earns a short, self-deprecating laugh, but he's happy to follow when she picks up on the change of topics. ]

Yeah, no, Pegasus - Pegasi? - are even worse. The wings would just fall off, there's no way they could support an entire horse the way they're usually stuck on there.

And the bee thing's actually a myth started by a drunk German guy. Their wings are tiny, but they're more like helicopters than airplanes.

[ SCIENCE ELLIE, SCIENCE. ]

And uh - yeah. Yeah, I was just a dragon. I think the weirdest part was having the wrong voice, though. What about you?

Yeah. But, you know what, I bet one will turn up here one day, and it'll still make no sense, and then we'd have to believe it 'cause we saw it. ( If she were... some creature with expressive ears, they wouldn't perked up, and then gone that confused askew thing. ) Really? ( Without really thinking, she tries to figure it out with her hands, twisting them around in a helicoptering motion - or as close as you can get with your hands - before remember that yes, Peter can see. Oops. ) It was cooler to think that they just defied science.

( PAH. SCIENCE. She does actually find it interesting, though. )

You were a dragon? ( HER MIND. IT BOGGLES, SIR. ) I-- bloody Hell, I thought it was pretty bizarre, but I definitely wasn't a dragon. ( She takes a few moments, trying to figure it out. ) I got swapped with this lady called Snow. She was really decent. ( It sounds like she's almost stunned by the fact that someone was so good. ) Too tall, though, I kept hitting my head on stuff.

( Ellie, Snow isn't tall. It's just that you're short. ) I dunno. It kind of got me thinking about stuff. Being in someone else's body, I mean, not hitting my head on things.

Yeah, the dragon thing - not all it's cracked up to be. Especially with baby dragons. I'm pretty sure the wing-to-body ratio was about the same as bees, but they definitely don't fly like a helicopter.

[ He's smiling, but joking aside, he's definitely curious about the whole point of this post. I mean, it's kind of a heavy question. ]

Like - what, new perspective?

Perspec-- is that a height joke?

( Scowling, before it cracks into a bit of a smile. She shrugs, slightly hopeless. ) Yeah, I guess so. I mean, before - in the war back home, I mean - there weren't a whole lot of people to compare with. You just coped and got through and tried to make it all work, best you could.

( But there was a lot of anger. Is a lot of anger. Ellie bites at her fingertips as she thinks, rattling her brain's cage. )

What? No, I mean - figurative perspective. Not a - was she really that much taller?

[ It's an honest question, and he can't really help it from slipping out before he's derailed by the more serious topic. ]

You don't think it's like that here? Just people coping.

I know, Pete. ( Her grin turns a bit sheepish. ) Don't worry, I was just having you on. But, yeah. It's not that difficult to be taller than me. ( Much as it pains her to admit it, at her looming height of 5'1".) I kept hitting my head on things. Or, her head. You know what I mean.

( There's silence, for a bit. )

I don't think so. The way things went back home-- people lost their parents. My Dad was being kept in a pen in the Showground, last I heard, and my Mum was a servant. They're splitting up families, not telling each other where they are, using them all as bargaining chips to keep the others in line. The camps are just-- they're awful.

( She lapses into silence again, drawing her legs up so she can rest her chin on her knees. )

My mates and I, we just-- we were free, but it wasn't the kind of freedom you hear about in those old songs and stories. There wasn't anything, except starving and fighting and waiting and running. Here you can live, at least, you've got people you can talk to, you can do all sorts of things. It's not perfect by a long shot, but... at least we can live, here. Hang out with mates, pop down the shops, all these stupid things you take for granted. We've got more freedom here than a lot of people appreciate, I reckon. Even if it is a gilded cage.

Oh. [ Yes, of course, that was a joke. He totally knew that was a joke. But he listens to the rest of it, genuinely interested and - yeah, maybe also a bit concerned. It's not like war is a completely foreign concept to him, but hearing about it from someone who's what, his age? That's kind of different. And the camps, and - there's really only one thing it sounds like, and he has zero reference point as to what he can say to make anything better.

There's also hearing about it happening in Australia. That's completely bizarre. ]

I'm glad you're here. [ Which he means, but he realizes a second later that maybe that's too blunt. ] I mean, I know you probably wish you could get back - to your family, to - trying to help, but. If we go back to the same time, then you'll be able to do all that, right? So I'm glad you're here for now.

( Ellie can appreciate bluntness. She's a little too liberal with it, herself, and there's faintest flicker of a reassuring smile thrown Peter's way. )

Yeah. Me too. ( Which is the honest thing to say, even if it's quiet. Even if her guilt is etched into her face, she can't ever hold back. Not being forthright feels too close to lying, with big things like this. )

I've met some good people, here.

( And it's nice, being able to meet new people and trust them. Not all of them, obviously, there's plenty here that she wouldn't trust as far as she could throw them, but it is good to have more people. Make friends, converse, not worry about food. Be able to about ridiculous things.

Something occurs to her that she hasn't said, despite poking fun at him all too often. ) You're a good bloke, Pete.

[ The blunt response earns a completely embarrassed smile, and a slight increase in his general fidgeting, one hand going to scrub through his hair and make an even bigger mess of it. ]

Thanks. You too.

[ It takes some for effort him to get past his stubborn shyness and say as much, and then he realizes a second later: ]

I mean, not a bloke, but whatever the - you know.

I know. It's all right, you don't have to stress so much.

( Letting him off the hook, giving him some room to breathe. As fun as it is to tease someone, sometimes you need to give them a chance to juggle it all without trying to trip them up, too. )

Less caffeine, Pete. More fresh air. Just-- relax a bit, okay?

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three. (video.)

video;

video;

video;

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Re: video;

video; i am awful PLEASE FORGIVE ME accidental hiatus

NO I KNOW THE TRUTH YOU JUST HATE MEEEE no it's totes cool I had one of those myself :')

NO NEVER RUBS ON

O-OH WELL IN THAT CASE

wow remember me i need to sort my shit out lmao

it's okay we can bear the flag of WELP TAGS together