text

[caligulas_aquarium]

alright im gonna cut to the chase an keep this real simple im lookin for more a permanent an less shitty housin arrangement
but i aint about to lowwer myself to just stickin wwith the first chump wwho throwws out an offer cause i got a feww prerequisites regardin roommate etiquette im interested in actually havvin fulfilled this time cause the pair i got stuck wwith last time i wwas here had all the sense of a couple of howwler monkeys
one a wwhich couldnt stop himself from breakin shit half the time wwith his freaky mutant strength an the other wwith a broken thinkpan an a fetish for the spontaneous combustion of electronics
im avverse to keepin this short an swweet if only cause those a you wwith the attention span of a gnat wwho aint able to focus for the rest a this post probably aint my usual type a desired company
im evven wwillin to forego my usual manner a wwritin to make it a bit clearer for some a you slowwer sorts so be grateful
here goes

no pets
no psychological issues
no noises loud enough that i can hear em through the walls into my room
no unwanted social contact, no trespassing into my room without permission
no breaking anything in fits of rage
no sabotaging of my personal affairs
no attempting to share my romantic interests
no using my things
no guests after 7pm
no introducing me to your guests
no hogging the living room
no social events
no delusional belief in magic
no puns
decent sense of personal hygiene required
if you know, have ever known or are somehow associated with any of the following:
sollux captor, equius zahhak, gamzee makara, vriska serket, kanaya maryam, lalondes, harleys, striders, bariyan e kodhi or anyone who's spoken poorly of me probably on account of a mutual dislike we have of each other, don't bother applying

Comments

[fintastic]

Bariyan isn't even )(ere anymore!
Neit)(er is Gamzee!
I t)(ink...

[ You can't be sure with that guy... ]

Anemoneweig)(, w)(y not just get your own place like I did?

1/3

[caligulas_aquarium]

it dont matter if theyre them themselvves, anyone wwho got evven the slightest of ideas that associatin wwith any a them listed is a good idea they probably aint wworth their salt

[caligulas_aquarium]

uh
i mean yknoww yourself excluded its more sort of taken as a gracious extension outside a your potentially acceptable more deservvin quality of associates
yknoww reachin out to the common folk an all not that im sayin youre
not

[caligulas_aquarium]

so howwd you go about gettin yourself your owwn place

[SUBJECT CHANGES ALWAYS WORK RIGHT]

[invocation]

this isnt simple
do u really think people are gonna wanna live with u

[caligulas_aquarium]

howw in any wway wwhatsoevver is this list unacceptable
theyre all PERFECTLY reasonable

[maniere]

you had me aaaaaaaaall the way until 'no puns'.
now i am beary sad.
(´･ω･`)

[caligulas_aquarium]

howw do you evven livve wwith yourself

audio

[ringwizard]

[He's snickering.] This is short and sweet, now?

And don't you break that second one, all on your own?

text

[caligulas_aquarium]

i said i wwas AVVERSE to keepin it short an swweet to keep awway all these people wwith a poor excuse for an attention span
cause they aint likely to fuckin listen too wwell

[the_human]

Your roommate it going to be so laaaaaaaame, dude!

[caligulas_aquarium]

if i can actually manage to find someone able to fill all these requirements proper i aint about to complain about em one bit

[sithiche]

I can't wait for someone to turn you into a newt.

[caligulas_aquarium]

an if that day comes itll be the result of somethin far more LOGICAL an REASONABLE than passin it off as a fucking wwizard did it

[flightybookshrew]

You're still on about the magic thing, Eridan?
I would have thought you could have moved on by now, honestly.
It says some frightening things about your adaptability and obsessive personality that it just keeps coming up, in the face of such overwhelming evidence.

Though I suppose a welcome back is in order, as much as I am uncertain I actually mean it.
Roxy left during your sojourn away.

[caligulas_aquarium]

wwoww ok an wwhat happened to bein totally indifferent towwards my stance on this horseshit anywway
looks like SOMEONE wwas a little more defensivve about that than she wwoulda let on

an yeah i knoww as if that aint been the first thing EVVERYONES said to me the minute i got here wwhatevver

[new approach to losing a girlfriend, try to appear not to care

cause last time with feferi didn't work out too well ahaha...........]

[sweetling]

[This person is hilariously awful, hence Halfpipe must investigate.]

wow thats totally not unreasonable @ all, youll find a roomie in no time

[caligulas_aquarium]

youd think so but wwith the quality a person wwe got around here its a harder quota to fill than you might think

voice;

[payback]

... [loud laugh]

voice;

[biwinning]

I'm kind of thurprithed your name wathn't banned from the litht.

[SKIPPING RIGHT OVER AND NOT EVEN TALKING TO ERIDAN? YES. HE JUST DID THAT.]

[spiderwife]

ok 1, fuck off, howler monkeys are great
2 your text was stupid then it wasn't again, what gives

[caligulas_aquarium]

look WWHATEVVER the comparison aint the fuckin point
besides wwhich i doubt theyd make good roommates of any sort no matter howw great you think they are

[AND THE TEXT QUESTION HE JUST...]

its just wwhat i do wwhen i type
preferentially speakin

[heartsink]

[ the name attached to this account reads Haruka Takahashi

this asshole. ]

If you're going to become a hermit anyway, just move into a cave.

[ hy
po
crite ]

[caligulas_aquarium]

considerin the vvast majority of uncultured indecent swwines wwe got around here masqueradin as fully functional sentient life i may just havve to
itd be an improvvement

text;

[chronologistics]

[Hahaha, oh man.

Of course he's going to reply.]

dude
were really going to have to work on your personal ads
jesus christ

[caligulas_aquarium]

[If he were fresh from their universal clusterfuck, he'd barely know who Dave even was.

But after two previous run ins with Daves and a dose of Dirk here, he's so done with that text.]

there is no WWE
an besides its perfectly reasonable most of em dont evven invvolvve effort on anyones part
howw hard is fuck off to understand

[whatsupcroc]

What how do you even share romantic interests? That makes it sound like a hobby!

[caligulas_aquarium]

its troll stuff
wwe got the capacity to end up sharin romantic interests in different forms of relationships cause of a more complex but much more dynamic means a romance
an since ones mutually shared in a sense wwith humanity it happens evven if its more rare than if it wwere alternia wwere talkin about

le text

[psych0p0mps]

it sounds to me like you might be happier with no roommate at all

[caligulas_aquarium]

[Oh hey it's-

...ngl Aradia he doesn't even remember your name.]

i wwould
and as it stands i got it in the wworks to evventually find a place a my owwn
but until then i aint got nowwhere to stay that dont reek a swweat an i gotta share wwith a bunch of other people its fuckin awwful
so its a system of progressivvely less shitty housin arrangements culminatin in an ideal sooner or later