text

[caligulas_aquarium]

alright im gonna cut to the chase an keep this real simple im lookin for more a permanent an less shitty housin arrangement
but i aint about to lowwer myself to just stickin wwith the first chump wwho throwws out an offer cause i got a feww prerequisites regardin roommate etiquette im interested in actually havvin fulfilled this time cause the pair i got stuck wwith last time i wwas here had all the sense of a couple of howwler monkeys
one a wwhich couldnt stop himself from breakin shit half the time wwith his freaky mutant strength an the other wwith a broken thinkpan an a fetish for the spontaneous combustion of electronics
im avverse to keepin this short an swweet if only cause those a you wwith the attention span of a gnat wwho aint able to focus for the rest a this post probably aint my usual type a desired company
im evven wwillin to forego my usual manner a wwritin to make it a bit clearer for some a you slowwer sorts so be grateful
here goes

no pets
no psychological issues
no noises loud enough that i can hear em through the walls into my room
no unwanted social contact, no trespassing into my room without permission
no breaking anything in fits of rage
no sabotaging of my personal affairs
no attempting to share my romantic interests
no using my things
no guests after 7pm
no introducing me to your guests
no hogging the living room
no social events
no delusional belief in magic
no puns
decent sense of personal hygiene required
if you know, have ever known or are somehow associated with any of the following:
sollux captor, equius zahhak, gamzee makara, vriska serket, kanaya maryam, lalondes, harleys, striders, bariyan e kodhi or anyone who's spoken poorly of me probably on account of a mutual dislike we have of each other, don't bother applying

Comments

[the_human]

End of what?

[IGNORING ALL THAT.]

[caligulas_aquarium]

wwhat
no no its a SAYING like yknoww end of as in end of story
end of discussion
end of argument

[the_human]

You should say one of those, then. It's less confusing. And you'd sound less like a butt.

[caligulas_aquarium]

i DONT SOUND like a butt holy fuck wwhat is wwrong wwith you
maybe if YOU wwere a little smarter youd not find yourself in such confused states so often

[the_human]

No, you're definitely a butt. Like, a super fat one. It's really sad, your mom was probably super upset.

[caligulas_aquarium]

youre actually so fuckin awwful at puttin together an insult its sad in a wway
an plus i didnt HAVVE no dumb mom figure id only the one lusus an it wwas a guy

[the_human]

Then he probably was. He was probably like, oh no, my kid's really stupid and mean and stuck up!

[caligulas_aquarium]

at least mine HAD the mental capacity to make that sorta judgement
i bet yours just rolled around in the dirt barkin nonsensically at the occasional passin by butterfly

[the_human]

OH we are TOTALLY enemies right now! I'm gonna donk you up so hard!

[caligulas_aquarium]

PLEASE you aint evven wworthy a bein my associate let alone my enemy
i got a list of potential antagonistic sorts a mile long an there certainly aint room for you to evven be pendin so dont givve me that

[the_human]

EN-E-MIES! EN-E-MIES! EN-E-MIES!

[caligulas_aquarium]

alright that is IT you dumbass dogkid you wwant an enemy you fuckin GOT ONE and its the BIGGEST MISTAKE A YOUR LIFE

[eridan plz]