7;; video

[caligulas_aquarium]

[HOLD EVERYTHING

STOP THE PRESSES

ERIDAN HAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO ANNOUNCE]

For those of you unawware of troll culture, wwell, lets face it that's almost all of you. In fact the only ones wwho can appreciate this fully are...twwo of you I guess, since the third one knowws wwhat this is about already, but I'm in a generous mood. I'll explain.

First off I'd like to say that to those of you wwho label me an undesirable troll, I say ha.

Also fuck you.

For you see I just got myself a kismesis. An' before you bastards ask, yes he agreed to it. I'll fuckin' provve it if I havve to.

To those a you not in the knoww, this makes us troll boyfriends, only there's more hate goin' on. Kinda like havvin' a deadly an' vviolent rivvalry but wwith makin' out invvolvved.

[Oh and he grins here.]

An' he's not half-bad at that, if I say so myself.

That's all. You can go back to your livves noww.

[Yep. Make of it what you will initiative, this here is one desperate motherfucker.]

Comments

voice;

[whatatool]

Whoopdeedoo?

Us humans have something like that too. It's called an ex you dial up for a booty call.

video;

[caligulas_aquarium]

Yeah, I get you guys don't got a' black quadrant. Wwhich I gotta tell you is pretty fuckin' stupid.

Blackrom's the best kind a' romance there is, no question about it.

video;

[whatatool]

Yeah, because organizing your entire emotional spectrum into four little squares isn't special at all.

If you're into that kind of emotional masochism, sure. Or physical. Kind of fuzzy on how far this hatemance goes.

permavideo;

[caligulas_aquarium]

Wwoww, wway to go wwith the cultural ignorance. They aren't squares, jackass.

An' fuck you, hatemance is awwesome. It's an intense rivvalry in wwhich your other half betters you through attemptin' to one up you at evvery turn. It is the best form of romance.

Evverythin' else by comparison is just borin'.

permavideo;

[whatatool]

Yeah, I'm really sorry about not knowing your customs when we're not even from the same universe. My proverbial bad.

So, what? It's the circle of love? The piechart that moves you on? Nice Disney throwback, Simba.

And I'm pretty sure there's safer ways to get on your a-game without tearing each other's throats out while passionately swapping spit, or whatever it is your race does.

[caligulas_aquarium]

God, there is the problem. Wwhat the fuck is up wwith you humans an' your need for safety? Wwhat the FUCK is wwrong wwith danger?

You wwouldn't last fivve minutes on my planet, you'd be eaten alivve. Literally.

Bein' on edge all the time is the best wway to improvve. If you're gonna keep layin' out safety nets evverytime somethin' fuckin' dangerous comes along you guys're gonna be stuck in this evvolutionary rut that seems to be a constant in all of these damn univverses a yours forevver.

[whatatool]

There's a difference between danger and self sabotage, dude. You want me to fly circles around a giant robo-squid hell bent on turning people into cyborg minions, I'm good. I don't need a girlfriend slapping me in the face every time I come home to push myself.

Fortunately for me, I'm not part of the shore party. And I'm a crack shot.

[caligulas_aquarium]

[robo-squids what...HE'S GONNA IGNORE THAT...]

See, you still don't get it but you're makin' all these assumptions.

There's an actual sense of attraction to it too you knoww an' a bunch of other factors as wwell. You can't just go into it wwith anyone.

Like if they ain't a good match for you evven combat wwise, it's gonna get borin' if you keep wwinnin' an' it's all one sided.

It has to be excitin'. Passionate. You havve to feel like this person is challengin' the shit out of you evvery moment things're happenin'.

If there's none of that, it's useless an' stale.

[whatatool]

[But they're so cuddly...]

Jokes mostly, but you're pretty much in the same boat here, dude.

Not exactly an expert here, but I'm pretty sure all serious relationships work like that. That you can't just start them up with anyone, I mean. Still doesn't make them healthy, but whatever. This is clearly the norm for alien trolls.

[caligulas_aquarium]

Pretty much.

If you don't fill the red an' black quadrants before you reach a certain age, you get culled.

[whatatool]

And I thought the krogan were a mess.

Do you guys even have one of those romance cullers running around this place?

[caligulas_aquarium]

No, all the imperial drones wwere destroyed.

But it isn't about that; I'm just pursuin' a potential relationship is all.

[whatatool]

And how old are you, exactly?

[caligulas_aquarium]

Six.

[He means sweeps, which is around 13 human years.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUN? CULTURAL MISHAPS.]

[whatatool]

[He's got a pretty good idea how this works, actually. It happens when you're from the space future filled with alien blue beauties.]

So what, that translates to like... Ten?

[caligulas_aquarium]

...

Thirteen.

[whatatool]

You sound pretty serious about it, is all.

[caligulas_aquarium]

They're serious things.

You don't just commit to somethin' like a quadrant wwith anyone you knoww.