1 gorilla | video

[gorillawarfare]

[ Marco sits on his bed, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. ]

Dear aliens or government officials who have probably kidnapped me and are about to commence brainwashing or hideous torture:

You could've at least thrown in a Baywatch poster for the cell room. Preferably one that doesn't have Hasslehof. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the guy and his ridiculous amounts of exposed chest hair, but a guy's last days really should be in the company of two dimensional Carmen, if it's not too much trouble.

Hell, let's just assume you're feeling extra courteous today and throw in a bag of Cheetos and a can of Mountain Dew. A guy's last day has got to have some junk food with it.

And really, this thing? [ he waves the device ] A little outdated, don't you think? I don't see a single port for dial-up. What good's a comm system if it doesn't have internet? A guy's last day should be spent checking his final fantasy football score.

So. If it's not too much trouble, which I doubt it is since you kidnapped me and I'm being a remarkably good sport about the whole thing, my demands:

[holds up one finger ]

Carmen.

[ holds up another ]

Junk food.

[ one more ]

Fantasy Football.

See? Only three. Man, I'm letting you guys off easy.

Comments

[onemoredeath]

None what so ever. It is a simple fact. You can either open the door and find out what there is, or keep the door closed and stay there.

[gorillawarfare]

Now this is starting to feel like a wax on, wax off moment.

Okay. Let's start with names. I'm Marco.

[onemoredeath]

Laser treatment is much better than wax.

Teijirou Takegami in the Western order.

[gorillawarfare]

At least you're direct.

And you work for these interior decorators from hell?

[onemoredeath]

I am a guest just like you.

[gorillawarfare]

If there's any singing clocks or candleholders, I'm out.

-any reason why we're guests in the first place?

[onemoredeath]

There are none unless you try making robots of that nature.

We were recruited to fight their war against a government that controls the very way people breathe.

[gorillawarfare]

Maybe some of the Chee's lessons stuck. We can program them all with single digit passcodes.

[ that gets him interested, and perhaps for the first time, the sarcasm is a little less thick ]

...What kind of government?

[onemoredeath]

A totalitarian force that has stifled any creative thought outside of what is needed to be done to live.

[gorillawarfare]

[ he scowls ]

Do they have a name?

[onemoredeath]

They are called the United Earth, but no one knows their full names or appearances.

[gorillawarfare]

[ Marco shifts, clearly starting to look a little uneasy ]

Has the word "yeerk" been mentioned at all?

[onemoredeath]

None what so ever.

[gorillawarfare]

Oh.


Good.

[onemoredeath]

Something you are scared of seeing here?

[gorillawarfare]

[ absolutely ]

You can never be too careful with overlapping timelines.

[onemoredeath]

No. You cannot.

[gorillawarfare]

[ an eyebrow ]

Something you're scared about seeing?

[onemoredeath]

I'm not afraid of anything this world can throw at me.

[gorillawarfare]

Tall, dark and cryptic. Someone oughta get you on the Bruce Wayne track.

[onemoredeath]

Who?

[gorillawarfare]

The goddamned Batman, that's who. Has a cape? Fights crime? Stops cake theft?

[onemoredeath]

I'm afraid that would be far too exciting for my poor constitution.

[gorillawarfare]

[ deader than deadpan ] Just what Batman would say. I'm on to you, masked crusader.

[onemoredeath]

I would hardly wear a mask.

Too restrictive.