1 gorilla | video

[gorillawarfare]

[ Marco sits on his bed, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. ]

Dear aliens or government officials who have probably kidnapped me and are about to commence brainwashing or hideous torture:

You could've at least thrown in a Baywatch poster for the cell room. Preferably one that doesn't have Hasslehof. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the guy and his ridiculous amounts of exposed chest hair, but a guy's last days really should be in the company of two dimensional Carmen, if it's not too much trouble.

Hell, let's just assume you're feeling extra courteous today and throw in a bag of Cheetos and a can of Mountain Dew. A guy's last day has got to have some junk food with it.

And really, this thing? [ he waves the device ] A little outdated, don't you think? I don't see a single port for dial-up. What good's a comm system if it doesn't have internet? A guy's last day should be spent checking his final fantasy football score.

So. If it's not too much trouble, which I doubt it is since you kidnapped me and I'm being a remarkably good sport about the whole thing, my demands:

[holds up one finger ]

Carmen.

[ holds up another ]

Junk food.

[ one more ]

Fantasy Football.

See? Only three. Man, I'm letting you guys off easy.

Comments

[gorillawarfare]

Then boybands for you it is. Ever hear of NSYNC? Girls eat that up.

[onemoredeath]

I have heard of them and they were rather grating on my ears.

[gorillawarfare]

They're grating on everyone's ears, my man. You have to suck these things up every once in a while.

[onemoredeath]

I am going to have to introduce you to the world of real music.

[gorillawarfare]

Oh, I know real music. Choreographed teenage boys just happens to get the girls more.

[onemoredeath]

For your age group or my age group, mm?

[gorillawarfare]

I'm a little more interested in the ones from my age group, so there's my principle demographic. [ lies ]

[onemoredeath]

Of course you are. You wouldn't want to find a nice rich, pretty, older woman to keep you, mm?

[gorillawarfare]

...I do like the sound of being kept.

[onemoredeath]

It is fun until she runs off with a blond German and leaves you in the suite without any clothing and several rather annoyed police armed with tasers.