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[ Marco sits on his bed, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. ]

Dear aliens or government officials who have probably kidnapped me and are about to commence brainwashing or hideous torture:

You could've at least thrown in a Baywatch poster for the cell room. Preferably one that doesn't have Hasslehof. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the guy and his ridiculous amounts of exposed chest hair, but a guy's last days really should be in the company of two dimensional Carmen, if it's not too much trouble.

Hell, let's just assume you're feeling extra courteous today and throw in a bag of Cheetos and a can of Mountain Dew. A guy's last day has got to have some junk food with it.

And really, this thing? [ he waves the device ] A little outdated, don't you think? I don't see a single port for dial-up. What good's a comm system if it doesn't have internet? A guy's last day should be spent checking his final fantasy football score.

So. If it's not too much trouble, which I doubt it is since you kidnapped me and I'm being a remarkably good sport about the whole thing, my demands:

[holds up one finger ]

Carmen.

[ holds up another ]

Junk food.

[ one more ]

Fantasy Football.

See? Only three. Man, I'm letting you guys off easy.

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I would hardly wear a mask.

Too restrictive.

Shades, then?

I would have to take them off for it to be a disguise.

Game, set, match. Man there must be something in the air here if it's affecting my knowledge of alter-egos.

And what kind of alter-ego would I have? The Singing Man?

No offense, but I think you need to wiggle those hips a little more if you're going for international pop sensation.

Oh I can wiggle them if I must. I just choose not to for the sake of your sanity.

[ that gets a laugh ]

Then I guess just issue a warning for national security when She Bangs! comes on.

Yes, I believe they should.

I'll ready the foghorn and cold water.

[ He laughs. ] I will have to find that song just so they would be put to good use.

Let me know if you need any tracks of the Spice World soundtrack. I think I have them all memorized.

Spice World? Are you sure I should dance to that?

I think that one was being facetious, actually.

Well then, do figure out a song and I shall see what I can do.

Depends. Are you looking for a date or just to entertain the masses?

I have no problem obtaining a date.

Then boybands for you it is. Ever hear of NSYNC? Girls eat that up.

I have heard of them and they were rather grating on my ears.

They're grating on everyone's ears, my man. You have to suck these things up every once in a while.

I am going to have to introduce you to the world of real music.

Oh, I know real music. Choreographed teenage boys just happens to get the girls more.

For your age group or my age group, mm?

I'm a little more interested in the ones from my age group, so there's my principle demographic. [ lies ]

Of course you are. You wouldn't want to find a nice rich, pretty, older woman to keep you, mm?

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gorillawarfare - 2012-08-21 00:37 (UTC) - Expand

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onemoredeath - 2012-08-21 06:23 (UTC) - Expand

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