( patrol 001 ) ♑ ( voice )

[defending]

First things first - Initiative? Really? Come on, couldn'tcha be at least a little original? I mean I'm having a serious case of been there, done that. And for the record? Not really looking forward to doing it again. I've had the tour, I've seen the shinies - and I'll say again. Not interested. Opposite of interested. Me and freaky government strongholds go way back. We had a very hot and heavy relationship, but we're seeing other people now, and both of us are better for it. So, second thing? If you could just, you know - help a girl out and point me toward the nearest exit? That'd be real peachy. Failing that? I'm not your strong-arm. You can't control me. Don't even try.

[ It sounds like she's done, but then there's rustling, and she comes back. ]

Oh, neat um -- neat weapon thingy. By the way. Looks like it might be stolen tech from someone very unsavory. But you almost had me drooling. I'm watching you.

Comments

[bikininspector]

You can avert it, if you try hard enough. If I'd have been there - maybe I could have done something. Or at least kept her from dying alone and terrified out of her mind.

[Jess's last moments haunt his nightmares and his waking moments. He hears her scream in his head, sees her beautiful face twisted in fear and agony - and always her body pinned to the ceiling, the blood, the fire...

He closes his eyes for a moment, forcing the tears back.]

I should have been there for her, and I wasn't. And that's just fact.

[He shakes his head; this isn't therapy hour no matter how much he needs it.] Your dreams - did they start when you were - called? What are they like?

[defending]

Maybe you could have done something -- like also die? If it was that bad, if it was that sudden... Chances are you would have forfeited your life, too. Then maybe it would be her dealing with losing you. And I don't know you that well, but I'm guessing that would've been a pretty big deal to whoever she is. [ Note how she didn't say was. ]

But you keep her memory with you. That's how you fight. You remember all the things you couldn't stop, and you use them to stop everything else that might happen. As much as you can. It's not the same. Trust me, I know. But it matters. And that's just fact. [ Two can play at this game motherfucker! She remembers all the lives she couldn't save. Merrick, her first Watcher, and Kendra, and -- countless others. Faces without names, names without faces... But she can't live in the past when the future is in danger. She knows that now. Wallowing gets you nowhere. ]

... Yeah. I started having them -- it was a little before my Watcher showed up. So, I guess, whenever the Slayer before me was killed. They're -- mostly terrifying. I'll wake up sweating, or screaming, or something... And usually they center around some huge end-of-the-world type deal. My death, a lot of times. And sometimes they're prophecies, things that will be - those I can find in books, too. But sometimes they're just warnings. Prophetic but not to the letter.

[bikininspector]

[So he lived...for what? So he could die for the world? Yeah, great, the world is saved. But either way, he's always fucked, isn't he? Him having to die is one thing - not that he's happy about that - but he sort accepted his mortality at a young age. It's just one of the perks of being in constant threat. But Jess? What has she ever done wrong, other than date him? Other than love him?

People around him just seem to drop like flies, and how are you supposed to keep on fighting this way?]

That's how you go crazy, too.

[But there's something else to focus on now, and he's grateful for that.]

Your watcher?

[defending]

I know. Trust me, I know. But you can't just give up. It took me a long time to realize that. There's so much to live for. To fight for. Even when it seems hopeless. And maybe what you need is a good shoulder-shake. Something to remind you, wake you up to that. But... For now, it's okay to feel crazy.

[ Have some reassurance and sure, why not focus on her, because that is ... clearly a better option at the moment. ]

Watchers um -- They're... Complicated. The Watchers' Council is an ancient council of men, and women, chosen to train, and Watch over, and help the Slayer. For as long as there's been a Slayer, there have been Watchers. Mine... My first one... He -- died. Protecting me. I couldn't save him. But my second one -- he's like a father to me. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's taught me everything I need to know.

[bikininspector]

[He almost laughs at that; God, it really is therapy hour, isn't it?]

And your dreams...they revolve around yourself, not other people?

[defending]

Most of the time. Things I have to stop. Sometimes that involves other people. Most of the time, it's just -- me. The Buffy Show.

[bikininspector]

[He can't really decide which is worse - seeing himself, all the horrors he goes through seeing...God he's terrified at the thought of seeing hell...or watching person after person die. First in his vision, and then in reality. Yeah he can save some of them. But mostly it's the you fail show.]

How often do you have them?

[defending]

Sometimes constantly, other times, it's months in between. Really depends on the climate of evil.

[bikininspector]

Do they...only come in dreams? Or do you have visions while you're awake sometimes too?

[defending]

Mostly just when I'm sleeping. I've had some freaky daytime moments, but nothing vivid like the dreams.

[bikininspector]

Did it happen before something extreme, even in comparison to other dreams?

[defending]

Every time.

[bikininspector]

[Fingers move to run through his hair, as he tries to think this through.]

Do you manage to stop them?

[defending]

The visions themselves? Or the bad things. Because if we're going bad things - I manage to stop the world from ending. But the other bad things surrounding them usually happen. Like -- the first time I died. And the second time I died.

[bikininspector]

How do you...come back?

[He knows how he'll do it but from the sound of it they supposedly just...move on to the next girl when they die, as awful as it is. It doesn't sound like she has an angel on her shoulder.]

[defending]

Um -- well? The first time, I was only dead for about two minutes. And my best friend - one of them - used CPR. Second time... It was longer. A lot longer. I - [ She gets a little choked up now, and it's her turn to swallow emotions. ] Magic. They resurrected me with magic.

[bikininspector]

[He's silent for a long moment, turned longer by the return of the waiter with their order. He thanks him and picks up his coffee, taking comfort in the warmth that spreads through his hands.]

That's -- some serious dangerous mojo your friends are wielding. Don't think it's even possible where I'm from.

[defending]

She's the most powerful Wicca in the Western Hemisphere. [ Yep. ] Also the nerdiest. Technomagicks are pretty neat. She's mindmelded with her computer before. Kinda funky.

[bikininspector]

Technomagic? Mindmelded with her computer?

[And she's ok with that? He can't wrap his head around that.] Dealing in magic is a slippery slope the power it -- it changes people. At least...it does in my world. It's -- I mean it's good she could bring you back but -- it's something to watch out for.

[defending]

Yeah! Like... Google-hover. It's kinda hard to explain for a non-witchy type.

[ Oh. Ouch. More sore spots. You suck Sam. ] .. Um -- Well. That's... Been there done that. She almost destroyed the world. She's one of the Apocalypses I've had to deal with. But -- but she's better now. She's okay. And she's in control of herself.

[bikininspector]

[That blowing up in their face - that makes sense.]

She's lucky - that she could make it out of it and that you stood by her. You don't mess with magic.

[Dean would have killed her, he's sure. Dean would have killed anyone who isn't family.]

[defending]

She almost didn't. But she's Willow. My life without Willow wouldn't really be much of a life. Magicks are dangerous. But remember - different worlds.

[bikininspector]

[The edge of his upper lip twitches upwards.]

I know that feeling. [Life without Dean, it's not really life. It was one thing in college but since he got back to hunting - his dependence on his brother got so much worse.]

Yeah, yeah I know. She's lucky it happened in yours. In mine...she wouldn't make it.

[She'd be killed, even if she did reform. No hunter would take the chance on her, would let her risk the world or even one life again.]

[defending]

[ He seems to know a lot of her feelings. This is getting almost a little too freaky for her. But he's pretty nice, and leveling with someone isn't anything to complain about, especially in a place like this. So she can't really complain. ]

Magicks are different, too. I'm sure the Magicks you're used to aren't the same as the good ones in my world. She got overtaken by something dark, something... drove her there. Someone she loved was killed, right in front of her. She lost her mind. But she's good. She doesn't do the dark stuff anymore.

[bikininspector]

[Someone she loved was killed, right in front of her. His fingers curl up and clench into fists so tight they lose any hint of color.]

That would drive anyone off the deep end. I'm glad though - that she managed to get out of it.