exsilium | Second Dirge

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Second Dirge - [Video]

[The video clicks on to reveal the back of a young woman running away in terror, and a black hand waving after her.]

Thanks!

[Ophelia sounds so amused as she says that, and she turns the camera around to her face, grinning.]

So, I don't know about the rest of you, but I am definitely enjoying all of this. Such panic! [She laughs, and then shakes her head.]

Anyway, not the point. You know those poor little creatures you're all trying to kill? Those bunnies and birds and everything else. You don't have to kill them.

[She turns the camera again to show that her other hand is held out towards her side, and the black tears are stretching off of it, forming into two solid cages on the ground. Inside one, an undead bunny and an undead squirrel are running in circles, and in the other, an undead sparrow flutters about pecking at the black 'bars', to no avail.]

I'll take them off your hands. Aren't they adorable? Just let me know, and I'll come get them.

Unless they bite you, then I suppose you won't be calling anyone. [She smirks, and then pauses.]

Hmm, does anyone know where I can get some more...permanent cages?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Personal experience?

[ This is so upsetting. She's such a beautiful woman of a blueish persuasion. Why did she have to turn out to be a human hating murderer? This is literally the worst day of Jake's life... second worst day of Jake's life! ]

I'm sure if you took the time to look around you, you'd find there's one or two out there to like!

One or two out of thousands isn't the best way to make your argument, Kid.

[She shrugs.]

All the ones I know are terrible. Horrible, backstabbing, distrusting bastards who deserve everything coming to them and more.

[ He's not giving up on you yet, Ophelia. Beautiful women are always capable of redemption because... FUCK IT, just because. ]

You've clearly fallen in with the wrong crowd! Give it some more time and I'm sure you'll find the majority of us aren't like that at all.

[ ...Discounting at least 1/3 of the people he knows. ]

[Oh yes, redeem that blue woman, Jake. You can do it! Ophelia just stares at the screen for a moment, and then bursts out laughing.]

Kid, I am the wrong crowd.

[ Everyone has to have a dream. Jake's just happens to be really dumb.

Though hey, if he can talk her into not keeping zombie pets maybe he can avoid that whole death to all humans movie-like plot line he was rambling about earlier? That'd be a win! ]

Well sure, there's all the apparent killing you did and the future plans of genocide, but if you start by not unleashing a zombie plague onto the masses I think you could really put that all behind you.

I'm not unleashing anything. If I were going to do that, it would be my own brand of undeath. Which is a hell of a lot better than this. [She shakes her head the way someone who doesn't approve of a competitor's business strategy might.]

I just need some cages and these'll be fine.

[ Oh well... hmm... is that progress? He's not sure, but she's not actively wanting to murder anyone at the moment so that seems like progress to him. ]

Well there you have it! You're already redeeming yourself! Though to be completely candid with you I still think it's in everyone's best interest to take care of the problem before it really becomes one!

Have you looked out the window? Pretty sure killing my pet squirrel-zombie isn't going to do anything to stop the ghouls running around.

Uh well... no. Those will need to be taken care of before anything else is dealt with! You know, with them being without cages and a good deal larger.

So you all run around slaughtering the stupid, mindless ghouls who won't listen to me. [She's a tad cross.] And I'll keep an eye on my pets.

[ He has to stop and think on that for a moment. It's not like she doesn't have a point with it, even if his zombie concerns are still totally founded. ]

We'll have to reconvene on the subject of zombie pets at a later date then! Once the current threat's been wrapped up that is. You're still juggling with fire, and believe it or not I still think there's a number of us you'd really be remiss to accidentally kiss off--

Wait, no! Sorry, what did I say? Kill off! I meant kill off if you accidentally let one loose!!

[Okay, she's going to laugh at that, and it doesn't even sound malicious. Good job, Jake.]

Eh, it's not really fire. If they get out, the worse thing that happens is they turn the stupid teenage boys I'm stuck rooming with into undead monstrosities.

[She's pretty comfortable with that risk.]</small.

[ He's not sure if that's better or not given the circumstances. ]

Lets avoid any undead teenagers if we can avoid it! That's how it starts before it escalates into more zombies and we're back where we started!

[She just smirks.] You're really invested in this whole 'not dying to an undead horde' aren't you.

I can take those worries away, you know.

[ It takes him a few seconds. If it hadn't been for that whole genocide conversation earlier he might not have gotten it at all. Good thing they stopped to have a nice chat about killing.

Gosh, but is this upsetting. This is now how he thought his first meeting with a truly blue babe would go. ]

I think I'll have to pass! Thanks for the offer though!!

Pity. You'd probably make a fantastic gravedigger. [She shrugs.] I'll try not to let my pets go rushing about, if it makes you feel better, alright kid?

A what? Did someone tell you about the head thing?

[ Never mind that. Lets not talk about his first day here, that was an awful experience for everyone involved.

Lets talk about the pets that he'd much rather be dead. ]

I guess that's probably the most I can ask for at the moment!

No. What head thing?

[Now she's curious. And a tad suspicious. He doesn't look like a headbanger...]

[ HAHA whoops look at that, questions he doesn't want to answer. ]

Did I say head thing? Good gracious, I have no idea why! What head thing indeed? I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point!

...So, dropped on your head as a baby, then? [I mean, look at the evidence he's putting forward...]

[ ... the possibility is there. ]

Absolutely not! My grandma would never pull a stunt like that with a baby!

Then what head thing?

Just... a head that happened to find its way into this world around the time I arrived! Nothing important.

...What?

Second Dirge - [Video]

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