[001 | Video]

[acemedium]

[Oh hello there, Exsilium, have the face of a bright-eyed girl that looks way too excited to be here. It seems after much technology abuse and generally failing at turning it on, she finally gets the video working! Success for a failure]

Don't worry, fellow kidnapped people of Exhelium! [That's 'Exsilium', Maya] You don't have to explain everything, I've got it aaaaaall figured out. In fact, I'm an Ace Explainer myself, so just sit back and let me break it down for you, Maya-style!

We're in future England! [This is probably the only fact she's gotten right, but-] Brought here by the United Earth people because they're being oppressed by the Initiative! [And then there's a pause for some very Deep and Philosophical Thoughts. ...Not.] ... I bet it's the tea. England's known for its tea, you know? Anyone would be jealous of that selection!

... But anyway, we've been brought here because we've got to go into the future to change the past! It's just like that movie with Mikey K. Box, except with tea on the line as well as time! [WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN..... Oh, well]

But more importantly than all of that.... I have a question. [SUDDENLY SERIOUS? Look, she's even leaning into the camera all dramatically] A question that will change the fate of the entire world! [Whatever's left of it] Well, mostly me right now, but for everyone's sake, I need an answer!

[There's a long, long pause as she stares intently into the camera. And then:]

Where's the nearest burger joint? I'm starved! And if we're really in the future they must have invented a way for burgers to be even more delicious! Right?

[... And then there's a brief flash of embarrassment, and when she continues she's a little more low-key] ... Um, and how do I get to the housing place? Unit... 406, I think?

Comments

Re: video

[gorillawarfare]

Whatever you say. Or say differently. Or stop saying and start saying something else.

[ but whatever. He can play along ]

You know there's no Cheetohs either, right?

video 1/3

[acemedium]

You just can't appreciate true genius! [This is true genius, Marco]

video

[acemedium]

Really? That kind of sucks.... [Not the end of the world, though. Not like if there was a lack of burgers]

[acemedium]

But the burgers are the most important thing! Stay focused with me, here!

[gorillawarfare]

Oh, I'm focused with you here. I just think it's a little too single-minded. Think of all the other, poor vanished junk food. Tacos, for instance. Or hot dogs. I have yet to see either.

[acemedium]

Tacos are good too, but you can't beat a good burger! [Noodles come pretty close, but]

... Not at all?

[gorillawarfare]

We'll simply have to agree to disagree on this one.

It's been slim pickings so far. If I wanted a bland, tasteless diet I could've stayed in California and become a vegan.

1/2

[acemedium]

Just wait! I'll find the best burger joint ever, and then you'll change your tune!

[acemedium]

[THIS IS DISHEARTENING NEWS!!! Also so pretending she didn't hear that vegan comment (how do people live!?)... But wait]

You're from California?

[gorillawarfare]

That's me, Marco the Californian and professional tune-changer.

[acemedium]

What part! Are you near LA? [This is exciting, okay]

Oh! I'm Maya. [Except she already said that in the original post]

[gorillawarfare]

What? Didn't you know that every part of California is near LA?

Yeah, I gathered. I'm Marco.

[acemedium]

Well, it is the big city! Or something to that effect.

Does that make us neighbors?

[gorillawarfare]

...you're a Californian? Can I kiss the ground under your feet? It feels like nine years since someone has said they're from a place other than Xanadu.

[acemedium]

Kiss away! I'm from Kurain Village, which isn't too far from the big city, and--

... Huh, Xanadu?

[gorillawarfare]

It's a musical thing.





I don't listen to musicals, by the way.

1/2

[acemedium]

Oh, well--

[acemedium]

[...]



Suuuuure you don't.

[gorillawarfare]

[ CROSS ]

Sure. I don't.

[acemedium]

... Uh huuuuh. [She believes you, Marco. Really.]

[gorillawarfare]

Look, we're getting off topic here. Back to the where am I, where am I where are the burgers stuff.

[acemedium]

I know where I am! And I know all about your love for musicals!

So why don't you tell me where the burgers are and maybe I'll keep quiet about it?

[gorillawarfare]

...this is the worst attempt at blackmail I have ever heard.

[acemedium]

Hey! It's not that bad! [Maya this is not the correct response to a statement like that]

[gorillawarfare]

It's pretty bad. And I'm not sure what's kosher around here, but I do think blackmail, no matter how silly or trivial, is probably a faux pas.