[001 | Video]

[acemedium]

[Oh hello there, Exsilium, have the face of a bright-eyed girl that looks way too excited to be here. It seems after much technology abuse and generally failing at turning it on, she finally gets the video working! Success for a failure]

Don't worry, fellow kidnapped people of Exhelium! [That's 'Exsilium', Maya] You don't have to explain everything, I've got it aaaaaall figured out. In fact, I'm an Ace Explainer myself, so just sit back and let me break it down for you, Maya-style!

We're in future England! [This is probably the only fact she's gotten right, but-] Brought here by the United Earth people because they're being oppressed by the Initiative! [And then there's a pause for some very Deep and Philosophical Thoughts. ...Not.] ... I bet it's the tea. England's known for its tea, you know? Anyone would be jealous of that selection!

... But anyway, we've been brought here because we've got to go into the future to change the past! It's just like that movie with Mikey K. Box, except with tea on the line as well as time! [WHAT WAS IT CALLED AGAIN..... Oh, well]

But more importantly than all of that.... I have a question. [SUDDENLY SERIOUS? Look, she's even leaning into the camera all dramatically] A question that will change the fate of the entire world! [Whatever's left of it] Well, mostly me right now, but for everyone's sake, I need an answer!

[There's a long, long pause as she stares intently into the camera. And then:]

Where's the nearest burger joint? I'm starved! And if we're really in the future they must have invented a way for burgers to be even more delicious! Right?

[... And then there's a brief flash of embarrassment, and when she continues she's a little more low-key] ... Um, and how do I get to the housing place? Unit... 406, I think?

Comments

[acemedium]

[...]



Suuuuure you don't.

[gorillawarfare]

[ CROSS ]

Sure. I don't.

[acemedium]

... Uh huuuuh. [She believes you, Marco. Really.]

[gorillawarfare]

Look, we're getting off topic here. Back to the where am I, where am I where are the burgers stuff.

[acemedium]

I know where I am! And I know all about your love for musicals!

So why don't you tell me where the burgers are and maybe I'll keep quiet about it?

[gorillawarfare]

...this is the worst attempt at blackmail I have ever heard.

[acemedium]

Hey! It's not that bad! [Maya this is not the correct response to a statement like that]

[gorillawarfare]

It's pretty bad. And I'm not sure what's kosher around here, but I do think blackmail, no matter how silly or trivial, is probably a faux pas.

[acemedium]

You're just saying that 'cause you don't want everyone to know you like musicals!

[gorillawarfare]

Yeah? I don't think you want people to know you're in favor of blackmail on the first day, either.

[acemedium]

Nice try, but you still have more to lose.

[gorillawarfare]

Guilty pleasure.

Felony.

Guilty pleasure.

Fel. Ony.

[acemedium]

Musicals.

Musi. Cals.

Muuuuuusi. Caaaaaalls.