x1st Call | Voice

[leastfuckedup]

[ For the moment, the video function remains off. Which is a shame, because dem ginger curls. But he's testing the waters, so for now it's only the Scottish brogue that filters over the network. ]

It figures. The one time I dial 999 and nobody bloody answers.

[ It's probably a good thing no one answered; Ashley isn't even sure what he would have said. This was all too surreal already. ]

That's just typical; years of loyal service and putting up with government standards and this is the thanks I get.

So who am I talking to? To whom do I owe the great honour of experiencing this mental clusterfuck, and when do I get to wake up? More importantly, where can I find a pack of cigarettes. Mine's almost out.

[ All things considered, Ashley sounds pretty calm. His tone is light, if a bit annoyed, though the sarcasm that laces his every word runs deep. ]

Comments

video

[gorillawarfare]

No cigarettes, no Cheetos, no Mountain Dew, no Baywatch.

Welcome to hell.

audio

[leastfuckedup]

No cigarettes? At all? What about mint imperials? [ There has to be some of those, right? ]

Fuck me, this has to be a very bad dream.

video

[gorillawarfare]

I have no idea what that is, so I'm going with a no on that.

That's what I keep saying. I mean, there's no blonde Victoria's Secret models running around so it can't be a good one.

video;

[onemoredeath]

There are cigarettes if you do not mind the kind you make yourself. Mind, it is not the best tobacco but it is serviceable.

In any case, welcome to Exsiluim which used to be the United Kingdom on what is left of Earth. The year is 3312 and we are all guests of a rebelling few who are using a time shifting device to send us to fix this planet.

audio

[leastfuckedup]

Great. Shit tobacco and I have to roll it myself.

[ He sighs, and then falls silent to listen. What comes next is barking laughter, because really? He's heard better stories, honestly. ]

So tell me, what were you smoking, and how much? [ Because de nile isn't just a river in Egypt. ]

permavideo;

[onemoredeath]

That is what you get when agriculture is of the meager kind. This planet is dying after all.

[ He grins, showing some lovely white teeth. ] Nothing narcotic.

video

[flightlessbird]

Artika. [ wait he asked more than just that didn't he ] That is who you are talking to, I did not make you... experience this mental clusterfuck.

audio

[leastfuckedup]

[ Funny name that he's never heard before, and he's heard a lot of names. But hey, no big deal. He can roll with it. ]

I'll just have to take your word for it.

[flightlessbird]

That was the Initiative, and they will not let you go home. You live here now.

[effective]

The most important thing to you is cigarettes? [Judging the shit out of you rn]

[leastfuckedup]

I wouldn't call it the most important thing. But it is on the priority list.

[ Do you have a problem with that? ]

[effective]

Why is it above finding out where you are. [Legit curious]

[Voice]

[noble_nate]

This is no dream, my friend, if that's what you were thinking.

[Voice]

[leastfuckedup]

Oh I was thinking more along the lines of 'seriously bad trip', or 'curry nightmares' but sure, lets hear yours. It can't get any weirder.

Re: [Voice]

[noble_nate]

Well, basically we've been brought here against our will to fight a battle that has nothing to do with us. We've been told that we'll be able to go home once the war is won, but I have my doubts.

[Video]

[feel_nevermore]

999? Where are you from, then?

[Voice]

[leastfuckedup]

Leeds, and before we get into it Toto, I already know I'm not in Kansas any longer. [ And he sounds a little weary for it, underneath that acerbic tone of his. ]

[Voice]

[feel_nevermore]

[...Toto? Why isn't that guy just charming.] Such a smart guy you are. And so tell me, Dorothy, are all Scottish people that pleasant or is it just you?

I couldn't pick an icon so i just used this one because ilu. also, video;

[godofshawarma]

You speak with Thor, son of Odin. And I doubt this is caused by your profession, nor do you experience a dream.

[leastfuckedup]

[ Why hello there sexy. Not that you can see it, because Ash is still sticking to the audio function like it's 1920. Some one is good to look at over these devices, at least.

But the way he talks, and the story he's feeding... Ashley sighs. ]

Did you hit your head on something? The concrete, perhaps? What is with all of the weirdos today.

video FO'EVAAAAAAAAA

[godofshawarma]

[ hey guh hey, I mean, what who, hello, no, Thor it just fine, what is your malfunction? ]

I am in perfect health, but I thank your for your concern, good man.

audio;

[retroactively]

Try pinching yourself yet? If that doesn't work, I don't think it's a dream. [Logic.]

audio;

[leastfuckedup]

We're well passed the pinching phase at this point. On the Glasgow Coma Scale, I don't even register.

[ He even debated giving himself a painful sternum rub to check, but decided pinching was satisfactory enough. ]

video;

[insecrets]

Expecting the government to reward you was your first mistake, really.

audio;

[leastfuckedup]

Yes, what was I thinking. Doesn't matter what kind of job it is or if you save a life, but as far as the government is concerned if you don't make it in eight minutes it's a failed job. [ He huffs a bit, and doesn't even care if you don't know what he's talking about. ]