1 gorilla | video

[gorillawarfare]

[ Marco sits on his bed, looking amused and annoyed at the same time. ]

Dear aliens or government officials who have probably kidnapped me and are about to commence brainwashing or hideous torture:

You could've at least thrown in a Baywatch poster for the cell room. Preferably one that doesn't have Hasslehof. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the guy and his ridiculous amounts of exposed chest hair, but a guy's last days really should be in the company of two dimensional Carmen, if it's not too much trouble.

Hell, let's just assume you're feeling extra courteous today and throw in a bag of Cheetos and a can of Mountain Dew. A guy's last day has got to have some junk food with it.

And really, this thing? [ he waves the device ] A little outdated, don't you think? I don't see a single port for dial-up. What good's a comm system if it doesn't have internet? A guy's last day should be spent checking his final fantasy football score.

So. If it's not too much trouble, which I doubt it is since you kidnapped me and I'm being a remarkably good sport about the whole thing, my demands:

[holds up one finger ]

Carmen.

[ holds up another ]

Junk food.

[ one more ]

Fantasy Football.

See? Only three. Man, I'm letting you guys off easy.

Comments

[gorillawarfare]

[ so deadpan it is almost starting to come alive again and hopping into the fire ]

What we pitiful mortals do to pass the short time of our existence when Friends is on re-runs.

[godofshawarma]

I see. [ Taking you so seriously, Marco ] I had not encountered such an activity during my stay in Midgard. Though it was short.

[gorillawarfare]

Then have you really stayed on Marcotopia?

[godofshawarma]

If... that is what your culture chooses to call it, yes. I have visited Marcotopia briefly.

[gorillawarfare]

Only the enlightened.

And yet no snorkeling in bowler hats. You've got a lot to learn...tall, Viking man.

[godofshawarma]

I encountered no... snorkeling or snorkeling hats in my visitation, no.

I am Thor, son of Odin, Prince of Asgard.

[gorillawarfare]

Then I guess you didn't experience the all inclusive pitiful mortal experience, did you?

[ oh wow. he's crazy. ]

Really? What do you know. I am Marco, son of Fred, God of Too Sexy for my Shirt.

Is it cool if I call you Hammer Time?

[godofshawarma]

[ He gives a slow chuckle. Oh you silly mortals you. ]

You think I jest, but it is to be expected of those of Midgard. You no longer believe the old legends.

You may call me whatever you please.

[gorillawarfare]

Probably because they're called legends in the first place. It's right in line with fairy tales and reality television.

Okay, Hammer Time. So what's the story? Used to be a hobo and decided it was time to don flowing tresses of hair for greater justice?

[godofshawarma]

[ Okay, you know what, Macro. Thor is just going to continue his chuckle and as you do your rant thing, he's going to be walking outside of the house he's in, glancing up at the sky as if to be like 'oh, hm, mighty nice weather we're having today', totally ignoring you, and then--

this. ]

[gorillawarfare]

[ in a slightly less sarcastic voice ]


Okay. So the hobo thing's a sensitive issue. Got it.

[godofshawarma]

Nay, I was merely displaying the authenticity of Mjolnir, should you wish for proof.

[ you can call him a hobo all you want, he totally doesn't even know what the word means ]

[gorillawarfare]

What, no certificate from the producers?

[godofshawarma]

It's makers did not supply one, no.

8'|

[gorillawarfare]

Typical. Next you won't get any royalties when the comics go to film rights.

sob macro stop trolling the norse god

[godofshawarma]

You speak of Midgardian media? Yes, they continue to tell stories of us in your world, though some largely false.

nope never

[gorillawarfare]

Yeah. I'm thinking straight to VHS on this one.