video;

[crab]

[ after a week of constantly bumping into shit and having to get people to lead him around from place to place, karkat vantas has to resort to desperate measures. it's a struggle even getting the tablet to work for him, and at first, he doesn't seem to notice it's recording, continuing to frown and fiddle with it for a little while, before he begins to speak. ]

So. [ one might notice that his pupils are unusually dilated, only the faintest ring of grey iris visible around the edges. ] I'm going to make this brief, if just because I'm only half convinced this thing is actually recording and I'm not just yodeling into the void, but thanks to the astonishingly warm welcome one of your residents gave me, I'm blind. And as I'm not the resident No Eyes Mcgee among my social circle, and I've walked into enough door frames over the past week that I'll be very surprised if I haven't sustained permanent brain injury, I'm requesting that one of you make yourself some vague parody of useful and fix it.

[ there is a pause, before, reluctantly; ]

It was a dragon, if that makes any difference.

Comments

[the_human]

Dude, you're gonna walk off a balcony by accident.

[crab]

Who the fuck puts balconies on the moon?

[the_human]

Yo, that's another point! WHAT IF YOU WALK OUT ONTO THE MOON AND DIE?

[crab]

Hey, I'm blind, not retarded, I'm not about to throw myself out an airlock on my way to the cafeteria! [ insulted! ]

[the_human]

Dude, you're blind! You literally won't know what door you're opening!

[crab]

Airlocks have two doors, you fart snorting nincompoop, I think I'll be able to tell if I find my way into one!

[the_human]

Yo, you run into doors enough you're getting callouses, so you probably lay off the names, dude.

[crab]

I don't actually have callouses, oh my god, I made that up to fuck with you. I'll lay off the names when you stop needing to be called them.

[the_human]

Why'd you ask for help if you were gonna just be a butt about it? Jeez.

[crab]

Seriously? Butt is the best you can do? Did you hear that, that was the sound of my ego deflating with a sad, high pitched whistle, thanks to your iron wrought verbal barbs.

[ he's a butt about literally everything finn. he's a butt even when he's trying to be nice. ]

[the_human]

That doesn't answer the question, you know.

[crab]

[ there is a bit of a pause, and when karkat answers, his tone is less aggressive and more distinctly sulky. ]

I want to not be blind anymore, not have to be led around by the horns like a poorly developed wiggler.

[the_human]

[And Finn's tone, in turn, changes to something more sympathetic.]

Yeah. I get how it'd be pretty lame, and I really wish I could help you get your sight back. But there's loads of really talented magical people here, and they'll definitely be able to help you, I promise! But til then, maybe I could help you, like, get stuff and not run into walls and junk.

[crab]

Okay, okay, look, if no one fixes my eyes today, I guess I'll tolerate some assistance.

But the moment you run me into something or someone my foot is going up your ass, blind or not.

do you want to log this out it sounds adorable

[the_human]

[He laughs.]

Yeah, okay, totally fair deal. But I'm a hero! So that might be harder then you expect; I'm, like, totally pro at fighting and junk.

I WOULD but someone already healed his eyes down there

[crab]

I was, too. [ a hero, he means, though not the same way finn means it. ]

Anyway, what kind of an asshole fights a blind guy? [ if only terezi could (not) see him now. ]

ALAS some other time he pisses off a dragon

[the_human]

Dude, blind people can be totally badass! I mean, maybe you aren't, but, you know, don't count em all out!

it will assuredly happen again

[crab]

[ dammit that always worked so well for terezi, why did it backfire on him? ]

I know that, you incontinent butt trumpet, of course I fucking know that, and I am the most badass visually challenged bulgechomper you'll ever have the unbelievable fortune to encounter, now allow me to direct you to the next point of conversation, point being: shut up.