1 [Video]

[hotdate]

[The video feed clicks on to show Heath in his quarters smiling widely at his audience]

Heeeey Exsilumites. Just trying that word out there, I think it works for us. It makes us sound way cooler than 'Transports', don't you think? Transports make us sound like we're, like, smuggled goods or something. Stuffed in some guys suitcase trying to sneak through customs.

[Wait, he had a point to this ramble, didn't he? He clears his throat]

ANYway, I noticed some of you guys have been getting all antsy about the werewolves, so I thought I'd give you some Monster High approved ways of keeping your werewolves happy. Just follow this advice and you shouldn't have to worry about being mauled unless you...you know antagonise them, and if you do that you're pretty much asking to be chewed on.

[He'll hold up a variety of toys to the camera. Squeaky chickens, tennis balls, even a Frisbee]

Now what all werewolves love is to play fetch. They'll chase pretty much anything. If you throw one of these things in the opposite direction you want to go, you can make sure the thing they're chasing isn't you. If you can't get any toys, sticks work too. ...Though I guess you can't get any sticks on the moon, unless there are like moon trees.

Are there moon trees?

[Back to the subject at hand, moon trees aren't important right now]

They also love steaks, so if you guys are heading out collecting stuff to bring back here, you should probably bring steaks. Not stakes. Because that's for a completely different monster and no one wants to encourage that kind of prejudice anyway.

So there you go! Remember that werewolves are just big adorable puppies in their fuzzy hearts and don't annoy them while they're suffering on the moon and everything will be A-OK. This has been a PSA by the Heathster. You've been a great audience!

Comments

[snowghoul]

[She definitely noticed that 'we' thing, but she's just... not gonna acknowledge it for now.]

Thinking more difficult this time, maybe. [She isn't entirely opposed to the idea of teaching him to get his shit together -- especially now that they don't have a huge deadline looming over their heads like before.]

[hotdate]

Yeah? [Because good lord those apples were difficult. Still, he trusts her] What kind of thing are you thinking about?

[snowghoul]

Not entirely sure yet. Will have to be thinking more on this over dinner tonight.

[hotdate]

[Who is the king of picking up the wrong end of the stick? This guy]

Dinner? I don't think there's anywhere I can take you on the moon...

[snowghoul]

[Dear lord...]

...No. Was thinking of going to creepateria.

[hotdate]

[Sobbing into the niiiiight]

Oh right. You like the uh... [air quotes time] 'food' they serve here.

[snowghoul]

[Her face lights up again (she kind of misses the point of his air quotation marks).] Yes! Remind me of Grandmother Yeti's cooking somehow.

[hotdate]

[Oh right, sarcasm is lost on her. He pulls a face at the thought of eating that food, but he pushes through for her sake]

Yeah? Like that...milk stuff again? That I'm pretty sure wasn't real milk.

[snowghoul]

Was so being milk! [That's how you use "so" in that context, right... Where's Frankie when you need her] Being from most useful animal on earth.

[hotdate]

[Oh god Frankie got her, he knew it was only a matter of time before the valley girl of death seeped in] It tasted kinda funky. You mean yaks?

[snowghoul]

Yes! Wool of yak is very useful. Also butter of yak great with pancakes. You try someday, yes?

[hotdate]

[Oh no, not more yak by-products. Suck it in man, suck it in]

Yeah, sure, Abbey. That'd be...great.

[snowghoul]

[She claps her hands together in excitement!] Maybe we go on mission together and find yak to milk. Bring milk back here and make butter. I know recipe.

[hotdate]

[His desire to not eat things that come out of a yak is overridden by his desire to spend time with her. He offers her a smile]

Yeah, that'd be great. I'm sure the people here would love to eat some yak butter.

[If they don't, too bad, If he has to eat it, they do, too]

[snowghoul]

Much thicker than butter being made from milk of cow. We find out how to start mission tomorrow.

[Yayayayayayayayay!! She's so excited for food from the homeland ♥]

[hotdate]

[Come on, Burns, you can do this. Look how happy she is. You. Can. Do. This]

Great, and you can show me all around the mountains.

...And we'll...milk yaks I guess? [How do you even milk anything]

[snowghoul]

Not knowing if you can handle weather there. Or little oxygen. We will not be staying long.

[Like hell she'll let him try milking a yak. He'd probably torch the poor thing] No. You will not be touching yaks. I milk. You watch.

[hotdate]

I can handle anything. I handle getting frozen solid by you, right? [The lack of oxygen is a problem though. It sucks being made of fire] Hey it'll be long enough for you to enjoy it though, right?

[He sounds so relieved by that. Thank god he doesn't have to touch anything's udders] I am totally okay with that.

[snowghoul]

Yes, we stay long enough to briefly enjoy scenery.

[She smiles.] Good! [Finally, a disaster that is safely avoided!] What else we should do on mission?

[See, she's even asking him for his input! Abbey, ur such a good friend]

[hotdate]

Cool! Literally.

I don't know, is there anything else on the mountains that we can bring back here?

[She is the best friend. If only he'd paid attention to her when she talked about her homeland]

[snowghoul]

[She shrugs.] Wishing we could bring yak here but not being so sure. Not good environment.

How good you are being at hunting? [Probably not. But still, she has a feeling he could be good at ONE thing she has her mind on.

All depends on whether he wants to get his hands dirty...]

[hotdate]

There's not a whole lot for a yak to eat here, unless they really dig those protein bars.

[There's a lengthy silence here] Oh sure, I go hunting all the time in the dangerous wilds of New Salem. I wrestled a beaver to the ground once.

[...Wait, Abbey doesn't get sarcasm] Abbey I haven't hunted anything in my life unless you count hunting out a good junk food place. There are none, FYI.

[snowghoul]

[She doesn't look surprised in the least.] Figuring that was case. Do not worry. Will teach you how to smoke meat on mountains.

[I am so sorry for this, Heath]

[hotdate]

[Give him a minute]

Well, smocked bacon is pretty delicious so it can't be all that different, right?

[snowghoul]

[She crosses her arms.] Is not like over-processed food in supermarket. Very different.