(one) video

[rewarded]

[Greetings, Exsilium. Hope you're not tired of all these new transports, because there is going to be one (1) more popping up on the network during this lovely evening. She had avoided being overly social after her initial briefing, but now she had a stomach to fill and some time to kill, so here she was. If she looks a little bit too made up for this to be a casual, spur of the moment video, that's because it's not.

It's actually a con.]

Y'know, when I got dragged here, the last thing I expected was to be nearly bored to death. [Laughing a little, mostly because haha--death. That's hilarious.] I guess I was wrong, though. Let's change that.

[And shuffling a little, if only to show a couple of coins on the feed, she explains herself.]

Tell me a story. It can be scary, funny, sad-- whatever it is you can think of. If you make me cry, I'll buy you anything you want. If you don't... you'll buy me food tonight. Sounds good? [Probably not.

But, she looks frail and young enough for this to be easy. It should be easy, right? Right. That said, she flashes a smile at her tablet and ends the recording right there.]

Comments

[rewarded]

Breakfast, lunch and dinner. I want it delivered straight to my cot for the next three weeks. Are you still up for it?

[Why is everything about food with her..........]

[anotheryosuke]

Ehh, you know I'm new here, I'm still poor an' growing! I don't think they accept Japanese currency, anyway... How 'bout make it a day, and we've got a deal.

[Hey, he understands everything being about food, which is why we gotta be reasonable about this! You wouldn't want to starve a growing teenage boy, would you...?]

[rewarded]

[A DRAMATIC SIGH. All you young whipper snappers and your need to feed yourselves...!!]

Alright. But this better be the funniest joke I've ever heard.

1/2

[anotheryosuke]

[We can't all be secret grandmas. Or whatever you are!!]

Roger!

[He totally just saluted at the screen even though you couldn't see him. At least he felt a bit silly about it afterward.]

2/2

[anotheryosuke]

[There's a long pause, and then--]

Ahem! Okay, so once upon a time, there was this monk. He was one of those old-time Western monks, you know the weird ones that sometimes whipped themselves and liked to stare at the creepy paintings of ladies and babies looking angry at them and could never marry? Those. So, his job is the same as all other monks, they have to keep recopying the library 'cause they didn't have computers.

But this new guy monk, he realizes that they're copying from copies, not the originals, so he asks the head monk why they don't just copy from the originals to make sure they're not playing monk Telephone or something. The head monk is a pretty cool guy, so he says, "Sure, I'll see what I can do about it."

So later that day he heads down to the basement to check the copies against the original and see if they really made that many mistakes over the centuries of copying. He doesn't even come back for dinner, and monks don't eat that much in the first place, so they'd probably die if they skipped meals. Anyway, the new guy decides to go check on his boss 'cause he's worried about that.

He finds the guy sobbing in a corner of the basement with one of the old books, just cryin' flat-out, so of course he asks him what's wrong. He feels a little responsible and all. It takes a while, but eventually he figures out what the head monk is crying about, 'cause he keeps repeating the same thing:

"There's an R... there's an R... the word was 'celebrate' all along!"

[rewarded]

[Let it be known, that joke was so ineffective she's actually stunned into silence for all of five seconds. If this was video, he could actually see her rubbing her temples from how shocked she is at the existence of a joke so bad, it isn't even funny. Thankfully, it isn't.

It probably has something to do with sex jokes being completely and utterly lost on her, though.]

So, what time do you usually wake up?

[anotheryosuke]

... Ehh, not even a little reaction? That's kinda sad. I guess 'celibate' isn't a word that's used a lot anymore, though, huh? You can blame our class representative for that joke, by the way. Last time I'm ever takin' advice from him.

[Pause.]

Haha, um, well, I guess a deal's a deal, so not before 10 AM!

[Be glad, he even moved it up for you 'cause you're cute, normally it's like 1 in the afternoon, yo.]

[rewarded]

[DON'T BLAME YOUR LAME JOKES ON SOMEONE ELSE, YO. Though, she's totally getting all huffy about that hour, even if he moved it.]

That's kind of late for breakfast, but it'll have to do. Make sure it gets to me warm, okay?

[anotheryosuke]

[BUT IT IS TOTALLY SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT, did you really think he'd otherwise tell a joke with such a wordy punchline, gosh.

Even if it is a sex joke, there are limits...!]

Hmm, so you mean cereal's no good? [Mostly joking!] You gotta tell me what you like eating, stranger lady.

[rewarded]

Meat. I want as much meat as you can get away with packing on a single plate. If it's fried or greasy, it's perfect.

[And after a beat, she adds to this horrifying explanation:]

Any other type of junk food you can find works, too. I still don't know what kind of shit you can find in this place.

[This goes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's not like her digestive system is even remotely human, man...]

1/2

[anotheryosuke]

... [There's a mildly stunned silence. He didn't expect that, come on, but--]

2/2

[anotheryosuke]

Well, I can't really say I'm against that! You sure you want the meat here, though? Who knows what they put in it?

[No, seriously, with all this zombie action and the dirty rain and the dead landscape he's still not sure this ain't the actual zombie apocalypse.]

Junk food, though, junk food I can do! I got a nose for that stuff.

[OOC: I get the feeling she's going to end up with moonfood. :p]

[rewarded]

That's fine. As long as it tastes like meat, I'll take it. [She could probably digest styrofoam if she ever had to. Mystery meat is nothing.]

You got a name? Calling you "delivery guy" will probably get annoying.

[anotheryosuke]

Well, it's your funeral.

[If she can pack away as much weird steak as she seems to insist she can and still stay that cute, she must be doing something right.

Half the girls in his class would probably kick his ass if he said that to them...]

It's Teshigawara Naoya! Just call me Naoya, though, who'm I playing delivery guy for?

[rewarded]

If only. [SHE AIN'T KIDDING, but he doesn't have to know that.]

Naoya, then. You can call me whatever you want. I haven't heard a good name other than Mother in years.

[Congratulations, Shinji Naoya! You're delivering food to a lovely adoptive mother of two who doesn't even remember her name.]

[anotheryosuke]

... I think Mother would be a little weird.

[Understatement of the year or understatement of the year?? She doesn't look nearly old enough for kids, but where are they again? Oh, yeah, Crazyville.

It's still weird.]

Haha, you really know how to put a guy on the spot, though. You look like a Nanami, maybe?

[OOC: Definitely moonfood. Maybe eventually they can mission for non-moonfood. o3o]

[rewarded]

Na-na-mi? [Testing out how it sounds, naturally. SHE'S BILLIONS OF YEARS OLD AND EASTERN NAMES ARE STILL WEIRD TO HER.]

I don't really know much about Asian names. Should I trust that's not an insult?

[anotheryosuke]

Ah, right, I guess if you wanted to be more Western about it you could shorten it to Nana. But I think Nanami's a pretty good girl's name!

[rewarded]

Ew, I think I'll stick with Nanami. Nana makes me sound like someone's grandmother.

[She is someone's grandmother.

And great-grandmother.]

[anotheryosuke]

Ehhh, really? That's a weird thing to call your grandma.

[Your family is way too big, sort-of-Nanami.]

[rewarded]

Not really. It's pretty common where I come from.

[It's not her fault humans can't keep their dongs in their pants, jeez.]

[anotheryosuke]

The Western world is so mysterious...

[Humans gotta human! They are so very short-lived and squishy, after all.]

[rewarded]

Nah, you just need to go out more.

[THEY HAVE SEVERAL LIVES AHEAD OF THEM procreation can wait a lifetime or two, okay.]

[anotheryosuke]

I would, but I don't think that'd help anymore! Since it's all apocalyptic and stuff now.

[MOST OF THEM DON'T KNOW THAT THOUGH...]

[rewarded]

Then go when it's not shitty as fuck everywhere.

[SAYING THIS LIKE IT'S THE OBVIOUS SOLUTION.]