02 | Video

[maddeninghatter]

[ Baaa Baa-aa-aaaaaa Baaaaaaaaaaa! ]

I say, hello, hel-looooo! I have a question for you all--

[ The grime-smeared face of Xerxes Break appears onscreen. His white hair is discolored with dust and stuck together. There's a semicircular wound under his right cheekbone, and the shoulder of his jacket looks chewed. Despite all of this, he seems terribly pleased with himself. ]

Does anyone here have qualifications in animal husbandry?

[ More angry bleating and a yelp! Break turns. Visible in the background is another (also dirty and disheveled) man, desperately fending off a sheep. It’s not going at all according to plan; with a single headbutt he’s out of the camera’s line of sight, followed by a thud and worrisome tinkling noises. ]

Why, Gilbert. I think she likes you! ♥

[ Moving right along... ]

Anyway - yes. I'm looking specifically for people with experience or interest in shepherding, as well as shearing, spinning, knitting, cheese-making--

[ Another CRASH! and a voice yelling, “Break, look out!" ]

--and hand-to-hand combat! Kindly respond to this post, or apply in person to the botanical gar--

[ Break’s face suddenly disappears. The last image visible onscreen is… this. ]

Comments

Re: video

[hyanaimne]

No, no, it does not sound as if it was at all.

But I was serious about asking it.

video

[maddeninghatter]

Yes, all right. Fine.

[ He opens the door of the gardens (he had been sitting safely outside) and calls: ]

Lady sheep and gentlemen sheep, may I have your attention! I'd like to kindly ask you to shut up or else I'll turn you all into mutton!

[ The bleating gets much louder and there are scuffling noises. Break manages to get the door shut in time; although it's not clear that it's going to hold, as there's something banging against it on the other side. ]

voice

[hyanaimne]

[no, she can't. She laughs, entirely amused]

Not quite what I was imagining.

[maddeninghatter]

[ He is, slightly, puzzled himself. Did they understand? No, no - must simply be the noise they're responding to. ]

Well, that's very easy for you to say. What did you imagine?

[hyanaimne]

Politeness, even to sheep, goes a long way.

[maddeninghatter]

[ ... ]

Are you suggesting that sheep are possessed not only of speech - but etiquette?

[hyanaimne]

[she laughs a bit, briefly]

I am teasing, a bit. All animals are capable of speech, however.

[maddeninghatter]

[ ... ]

You're a loony.

[hyanaimne]

I am not.

[maddeninghatter]

Barking.

[hyanaimne]

[narrows her eyes]

Where I am from, there is a language that nature speaks. One can communicate with the creatures of the forest, if they are magical in nature, and sometimes if they are not.

[and then, she speaks it - lilting and soft.

And most certainly an insult on your lineage and your stupid face]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Urrrrrrghhhhhhhhh ]

My goodness, d'you think these are magical sheep?

[hyanaimne]

I do not know that, now do I?

And that poor man is stuck in there with them - I am simply offering help.

[maddeninghatter]

[ Okay, he will accept help, even if she is a bit mad. Even if she seems to be fixating on Gilbert.

...Especially if she seems to be fixating on Gilbert. ]

You're quite right, that poor man could certainly use a hand. I think you ought to come here straight away and render assistance~! ♥

[hyanaimne]

[that's what she wants you to think]

How do I get to where you are from the flats?

[maddeninghatter]

We're at the Botanical Gardens. There should be a map of the city available on your tablet. See you soon!

[ He's lying. On two counts. The second of which is that by the time she turns up, he will have long since buggered off for a bath, leaving the hapless, dirty, and yet also somehow devastatingly good-looking Gilbert Nightray in her tender care.

And the sheep. ]

[hyanaimne]

[she doesn't trust his skinny ass as far as she can throw him - and she can throw skinny, overly pleasant people like him pretty far. At the very least, she did have an advantage]

I will see you soon, then.