[ video ]

[hostage]

[Wow, Jesse is so tanned, he almost looks healthy. Almost.]

Yo, 'sup. I'm Jesse Pinkman, talking about the usual thing I talk about around this time every month. I mean cookies. You guys that're new, you probably saw me and some other people out there in the rain the day you got here, handing out free snacks and umbrellas and whatever. That's a regular thing, we do it every month for the new arrivals. It ain't a paying job, it's just like volunteer work.

Anyway, we'll be meeting up on the 30th for baking up in my unit, which is 409. Come if you want to, even if you don't know how to cook. I'll help you through it. It's real easy. It's pretty chill, no pressure, just listening to some music and making snacks. I got all the supplies we need, but if you got extra ingredients you wanna bring, that's cool. Variety and whatnot.

That's it. Door'll be open. Hope I see you there.



(( Baking is handwaved so if you wanna say you were there, you were there, but here's an example of what the newbie log thread will be like. No need for permission to participate! Jesse lets everyone help out and teaches anyone who doesn't know how to bake. ))

Comments

[5055034455]

I'd say bingo, but that's not really species-appropriate.

[So instead, Saul will lift her to the lens and present Jesse with one adorable gray kitten who just so happens to be missing half an ear. She mewls, and Saul looks like he's going to die.]

Jesse, Mike. Mike, Jesse.

[hostage]

[No. Stop. Jesse immediately gets saucer-eyed.]

The ear and everything...

[5055034455]

Isn't she adorable?

[Somewhere, Mike is rolling in his grave.

Or maybe not, because there might not be anything left to roll.

Because acid.

Yeah.]

[hostage]

[La la la not thinking about it la la la.]

She's too adorable. Needs to be a bulldog or something.

[5055034455]

She's perfect.

[And to drive this point home, Mike hops from Saul's hands, lands somewhere in his lap, and then — a yelp of pain.

He's really going to need to do something about those claws of hers.

Cringing, but smiling:] See?

[hostage]

Haaaaaaaa, that's what you get. She's gonna be kicking your ass all the time.

[5055034455]

Whatever. I can deal.

[If he survived Mike, he'll definitely survive a smaller, fluffier, less-liable-to-break-anyone's-legs version of Mike.]

Didn't the kitten-peddling squirrel knock on your door, too?

[hostage]

No? Least, not while I was around. What's a squirrel doing with kittens, anyway? Don't they eat squirrels? You know, 'cause they're like giant rats with fluffy tails.

[5055034455]

I have no idea. He... explained it, but he sounded like he'd just fallen out of a castle somewhere. He's a knight.

[A pause, as Saul considers what he's about to say, and how completely crazy it sounds.]

...Sir Codpiece, Defender of the Nuts.

[hostage]

[Jesse snorts at that.]

Codpiece, Defender of the Nuts... That's pretty good.

[5055034455]

Yeah. Brilliant.

[What is it with this place, though.]

[hostage]

Armor and everything? Is it like real armor but tiny or is it like just a big codpiece he walks around in?

[5055034455]

Squirrel-sized. It's kinda cute.

[hostage]

Oh my god.

[5055034455]

[With jazz hands:] Exsilium!

Also — uh. Mike isn't the only new lady in my life.

[wow there are like ten reasons why that statement is weird]

[hostage]

[That sets Jesse off into a giggle fit that lasts about half a minute.]

Who - Jesus... - Who's the other lucky lady?

[5055034455]

[So Saul was totally prepared to handle this like the adult he is and explain the situation like it's really not that big a deal (because it's not), but Jesse's reaction — heaven help him — actually makes him blush.

Which is, naturally, followed by a glare.]

Shut up! What is this — high school? Her name's Effie. You might've seen her on the network.

[...being a little, um, flamboyant...]

[hostage]

I dunno. Which one is she?

[5055034455]

You'd know her if you saw her. Wears a metric ton of makeup, has pink hair and a vaguely British accent. There's really no missing her unless you're blind, and even then...

[hostage]

Wait, seriously? The clown lady?

[5055034455]

Wow, Saul. I'm real happy for you, Saul. That's great. Congratulations.

All examples of other things you could have went with, there. But yes, O Tactless One. Her.

[hostage]

[But Steph is so hot and also not a clown. Jesse no comprende.]

No, yeah, that's... great. So you two are like together together?

[5055034455]

[Jesse he will actually come over there and slap you in the head. DON'T TEST HIM.]

Yeah. I like her like her.

[hostage]

So...

...

Do the carpets match the drapes?

action!!;

[5055034455]

[motherfucker

The feed cuts out. About a minute later, there's the very distinct sound of knuckles rapping against 409's door.

TONIGHT, SAUL IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.]