ｖｉｄｅｏ| joint post

[pilot]

[ the video switches on to the oddest not-odd couple. at least for those who know han seeing him accompanied by a nonhuman is not a surprise. except of the "big walking carpet" that usually follows han around garrus only fits the big and walking parts. an ewok climbs garrus to sit on his shoulders, the little guy chattering on to himself in his language.

the image is trained on han first who stares at it with such blatant disinterest it's a wonder his eyes aren't rolling into the back of his head. ]

I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon. [ yes, his baby gets a mention even if his baby is not here. ] My big friend here is Garrus Vakarian. We're not gonna bore you with warnings about the natives. If you want to go out and risk getting jumped on, that's on you. I'd say shoot 'em, but that's not politically correct.

[ why did he let himself get talked into this? what is happening with his life anymore, it is spiraling out of control. the big walking not carpet rolls his eyes, though from his place in the background it might be a little hard to see. not the most expressive alien on the place here. ]

Shooting them would be a terrible idea, you'll only piss them off more.

Yeah, yeah, I heard it the first twenty times. [ EYE ROLL. ] Anyway we're going to talk about something a little different. We're all aliens here. Before you start getting offended that you're from Earth — [ an aside to garrus that the tablet picks up anyway ] that has to be the worst name for a planet I've ever heard, next there's gonna be one called "Rock" — this isn't your version of it so you're an alien. But there's a difference between you and us. When we think interstellar, we don't think of Daft Punk. So we're here to give you a crash course on interspecies etiquette.

One, don't stare. You're just asking to get shot.

[ crickets. what? you're expecting him to contribute to this stupid list thing?

(he is starting to regret this friendship.) ]

Don't pull on anything. [ mandibles twitch, eyebrows narrow, a hand reaches up to touch the top of his head. okay that is all he is contributing, he's the peanut gallery now. ]

Yeah, that's a good one, my friend. Especially if you're not sure what it is. Actually that goes for everything. Keep your hands to yourself. Blasters and phasers are not toys. Neither are lightsabers. You see a man walking around with one? Go in the opposite direction. He's got a bit of a short temper. [ han, you are going to die. ]

[ a snort. ]

Lightsaber? [ really? ]

Yeah. Antiquated relic. I'll tell you about it later.

[ he clears his throat. ]

By the way, if any of you are any good at building, let us know. There might be an exciting career opportunity in your future.


(( note: your characters are free to recognize han from the movies but please please try to keep infodumping down to a minimum thank you c: ))

Comments

action;

[recalibrates]

[ FACE PULLING, but it is hard to actually see it... because turian biology doesn't really work in the whole showing of emotions category.

and now he is facepalming. ]

Why did I let you talk me into this?

forever!

[pilot]

[ this face! ]

Because it needed to be done. Now you've done your civic duty. You should feel good about yourself.

Permavid

[governorkang]

I'm seconding don't pull on anything.

[His wings rustle; he's had one or two in his time there that have decided to yank on said wings out of curiosity.]

I also have quite a bit of experience in construction. Lord-Governor Kang, formerly the commander of the First Dragonarmy Engineering Regiment.

[pilot]

A military man. Dragon. Dragon. [ he holds his hands up in a no offense meant gesture. you don't really see non-humans in the imperial army so.

he also really doesn't like military types but beggars can't be choosers. ]

What sort of projects did you work on?

permavideo;

[sithiche]

Please tell me you know Ziggy Stardust.

[recalibrates]

[ . . . ]

Who?

[pilot]

That a ship?

[2leftfeet]

[Slow clap.]

I never would've pinned you as the poster boy for interspecies relationships, Garrus.

[recalibrates]

[ SHEPARD WHY.

a groan. ]

It wasn't my idea. He just went ahead before I could tell him what a terrible idea it was.

video

[hyanaimne]

[she would apologize for how the video shakes and turns upside down a few times before settling, but no, This weird . . . thing takes a lot of getting used to.

When it finally DOES settle, she frowns at the screen and immediately gets to the point:]

None of what you said makes any bloody sense.

[pilot]

I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, I was very clear.

video;

[originalgaangster]

I'll be suuure to keep that in mind.

Thanks for the public service announcement.

[pilot]

You're welcome.

video;

[biwinning]

To the human: what'th a lightsaber?

To the non-human: what species are you? I've never seen your kind before.

[pilot]

A fossil from a time long past.

[ han, that explains nothing. ]

video;

[acemedium]

[It's Han Polo! ... And some big alien-guy!]

[Space raptor?]

[Anyway, have a weird-looking teenage girl peering into the camera curiously]

Are guys you starting a class or something?

[pilot]

No.

[ which is to say yo maya. how's it goin'. ]

video

[onen]

Shoot the natives.

You are not the first man I have heard say that.

[pilot]

Not on this network.

video;

[givetheslip]

You sound like quite the authority.

[She's not sure if she buys that the two of you actually have it, though.]

[pilot]

I do have more experience than the avarage transport on these matters.

video;

[skort]

This sounds like Common Sense 101.

[ says the alien... ]

[pilot]

You'd be surprised how uncommon it is across galaxies.

voice;

[politicking]

[She's well aware of how you feel about shooting people, Han. A response such as his to the previous discussion wouldn't go unnoticed, even if she hadn't chosen to comment on it at the time. Now, though, that's going to change.]

Perhaps it's worth reiterating why your solution to the current situation with the natives is less than ideal.

[Yes, we're going to talk about this. Right now. Because it's what needs to be talked about. Not all this other inconsequential stuff. Or the part where you talk smack on.... someone]

[pilot]

[ extremely bored: ] The natives here have suffered thanks to the action and inaction of the Initiative. They think us transports as part of them so they end up taking it out on us. Especially those of us who can't blend in. Tensions are high and all we need is one stupid person to end up turning this into a second war amongst ourselves.

How am I doing?

Video

[bodilesswarrior]

[Holy crap.

She thinks it might be some sort of joke, at first, but if it is he's a damn good impersonator.

Barbara shoves the shock away as she answers (and any impulse to tell Han that Leia was clearly too good for him), expression perfectly mild.]

That's good advice in general, really. [Her wheelchair is in frame, this time. She knows, dude.]

[pilot]

[ … yeah she really is. he also needs leia and/or luke to put a leash on him ngl. ]

I thought people would appreciate having it spelled out for them.

[video]

[galactically]

Does this mean you come from a bio-plant colony fleet? I barely know a lot of people from space in here!

[pilot]

[ what. ]

I come from a planet.

video;

[respirator]

Thank you for the advertisement.

[His entire countenance is void of any specific emotion, except for near his eyes. It's tight with tension, the tension that makes the hydraulics of his left hand hiss when he flexes his fingers in a motion that mimics reaching for his weapon off screen.

It's only Han's lucky day that Anakin would rather prefer people stayed away from his things, and that he's already seen Padmé respond. His amusement at her taking Han to task- At being subtly offended at the jibe thrown in his direction is enough to make him decide Han isn't really worth his bother.

He just wants you to know he saw it, and he'll be reacting accordingly in the future]

What qualifications does the captain of an inconsequential ship have to be teaching the masses about interstellar relations?

[Given your recommendations, it's obviously zero, but there you have it]

[unkindness]

It is also occasionally called 'Terra', if you do not find 'Earth' to your liking.

[Granted, then you're just saying 'Earth' in a dead language. Anyway, Seven already knows all her interspecies etiquette she ignores it no matter if you're human or not so she'll just ignore the rest of that.]

What are you attempting to build?

[pilot]

Isn't that the same thing?

[oldsoldiersneverdie]

Around here, there's half a chance that whoever you're staring at is human anyway. [Because yeah, he knows he can pass for a baseline human, but he knows plenty of mutants who can't] Though last I checked, we didn't have the market on rudeness cornered entirely.

[pilot]

If one ever shows up here, remind me to introduce you to the Toydarians.

video;

[worldswillburn]

[hello han, met a former alien bug queen with alien bug hair.]

Might be a little bit too much for them to take in all at once.

[pilot]

[ s'up spacesis. ]

So I'm noticing. But hey. Can't say I didn't try.