pilot: (my friend here is a bouncer/florist.)
MOTHERFUCKER I SHOT FIRST ([personal profile] pilot) wrote in [community profile] exsilium2013-07-14 09:59 pm

video| joint post

[ the video switches on to the oddest not-odd couple. at least for those who know han seeing him accompanied by a nonhuman is not a surprise. except of the "big walking carpet" that usually follows han around garrus only fits the big and walking parts. an ewok climbs garrus to sit on his shoulders, the little guy chattering on to himself in his language.

the image is trained on han first who stares at it with such blatant disinterest it's a wonder his eyes aren't rolling into the back of his head.
]

I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millennium Falcon. [ yes, his baby gets a mention even if his baby is not here. ] My big friend here is Garrus Vakarian. We're not gonna bore you with warnings about the natives. If you want to go out and risk getting jumped on, that's on you. I'd say shoot 'em, but that's not politically correct.

[ why did he let himself get talked into this? what is happening with his life anymore, it is spiraling out of control. the big walking not carpet rolls his eyes, though from his place in the background it might be a little hard to see. not the most expressive alien on the place here. ]

Shooting them would be a terrible idea, you'll only piss them off more.


Yeah, yeah, I heard it the first twenty times. [ EYE ROLL. ] Anyway we're going to talk about something a little different. We're all aliens here. Before you start getting offended that you're from Earth — [ an aside to garrus that the tablet picks up anyway ] that has to be the worst name for a planet I've ever heard, next there's gonna be one called "Rock" — this isn't your version of it so you're an alien. But there's a difference between you and us. When we think interstellar, we don't think of Daft Punk. So we're here to give you a crash course on interspecies etiquette.

One, don't stare. You're just asking to get shot.

[ crickets. what? you're expecting him to contribute to this stupid list thing?

(he is starting to regret this friendship.) ]


Don't pull on anything. [ mandibles twitch, eyebrows narrow, a hand reaches up to touch the top of his head. okay that is all he is contributing, he's the peanut gallery now. ]


Yeah, that's a good one, my friend. Especially if you're not sure what it is. Actually that goes for everything. Keep your hands to yourself. Blasters and phasers are not toys. Neither are lightsabers. You see a man walking around with one? Go in the opposite direction. He's got a bit of a short temper. [ han, you are going to die. ]

[ a snort. ]

Lightsaber? [ really? ]


Yeah. Antiquated relic. I'll tell you about it later.

[ he clears his throat. ]

By the way, if any of you are any good at building, let us know. There might be an exciting career opportunity in your future.


(( note: your characters are free to recognize han from the movies but please please try to keep infodumping down to a minimum thank you c: ))
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-15 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
He was a stuffed toy? [ news to garrus. ]
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-16 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Heh... heheheh. Alright he's laughing. ]

I take it he's your weapon.
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-16 11:45 pm (UTC)(link)
[ nope, laughing more. it is actually really funny. ]
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-16 11:51 pm (UTC)(link)
[ he's sorry. sort of. he'll stop after a moment, once he puts the little ewok down on a couch or something. ]

It could be worse. [ somehow it could. ]
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-17 12:07 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe. [ he unhooks his rifle from his back and finds a spot to sit down, as it comes off the rifle shifts, uncompacting in a few short seconds. ]
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-17 01:01 am (UTC)(link)
It's mine, brought it from home. Only weapon I'd trust. [ He lifts it up, aiming for the wall as he checks the scope. ] M-92 Mantis, seen me through a lot of tough scraps.
recalibrates: (Be careful how you lick your wounds)

[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-17 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
[ He laughs. ] No, did that back home too. Helps carrying them around and prevents any embarrassing misfires.
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[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-18 09:13 am (UTC)(link)
[ Something Garrus doesn't miss and he chuckles lowly about, angling his baby just out of Han's reach. ]

With the use of mass effect fields and magnetic force I can shoot a bullet at lethal speeds. [ He taps the side slightly. ] Ammunition is generated on board so there is no worry about running out.
recalibrates: (Be careful how you lick your wounds)

[personal profile] recalibrates 2013-07-27 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)
[ BASICALLY COOL EXPLANATION HERE, YOU'VE READ THE WIKI ALCY YOU KNOW. ]