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[the_human]

[You've probably seen this kid running around for the last two weeks, shrieking excitedly when he notices you're a human being (or fish person, or troll, or whatever; he's pretty excitable). But it's only now he attacks the network, all smiles and cheer.]

Holy SCHMAO, you guys, I've never seen so many humans! This is amazing! Where I'm from-- well, my name is Finn, first off! Finn the Human, from the land of Ooo! I'm basically a knight there, it's pretty great. I fight evil and stuff with my brother! But I'm the last human being ever, and I've never seen any others before-- but here you all are! Which is awesome!  We should all get together and talk about human stuff. What do you eat? Do you like bacon pancakes? What about--

[Oh wait no he had a message here. Finn takes a breath and adds:]

Anyway, uh-- I know things are kind of bumslops right now, but, uh, you gotta just keep your chin up! Sometimes being a hero means nobody likes you very much, or they think you're wrong, or even making mistakes. But as long as you're trying to do the right thing, you're all right!

Oh, and-- if anybody needs lessons in being a hero, I'm totally free. I've got, like, a billion years experience in it.

Comments

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[the_human]

I didn't yell at you! I was just yelling. Out of excitement! You look really cool.

[flarp]

[ Well, that certainly seems to calm her down. She goes from miffed to smug in 0.2 seconds. ]

Of course I look cool! I'm a troll, you know? The best troll. I guess I can forgive you if that's all it was. I get that all the time!

[the_human]

[Haha, okay. Fortunately Finn's too excited to tease. For now.]

Yeah, I've met a bunch of you so far! What are you? I met a mage, and-- well, I didn't meet a knight, but she seemed like it.

[flarp]

A mage and a knight? Those are shitty titles for shitty fighters! I'm a thief. The Thief of Light, to be exact! Luck is kind of my thing.

[the_human]

Nah, knights are awesome! Only-- if you're a thief, you can't be good. Unless you steal stuff back for people. Or light for people! That'd be really cool! You could, like, travel around and steal light and give it to people who are trapped in the darkness-- oh, schmaow, that'd be awesome!

[flarp]

What are you talking about? I can't do any of that shit! I deal in fortune. I could make you reeeeeeeeal unlucky if you crossed me!

I'm a hero though, just like you, so you don't have to worry.

[the_human]

Woah, that's even cooler! Are you magic?

[flarp]

... I guess so? I never really thought about it.

[the_human]

It's really cool either way! What'd you say your name was?

[flarp]

Didn't. I'm Vriska Serket.

[the_human]

Woah. That kinda sounds like secret!

[flarp]

Sure does! Pretty awesome, right?