exsilium | voice;

Entry tags:

voice;

[You know what, Exsilium? Trying to figure out his own shit is giving Sam a headache. So he's going to try to figure out yours.]

Got a couple things on the agenda today so bear with me. Who knows, this just may end up saving your life down the line. So first thing first - if you see a ghost? RUN. Safest place to be, if ghosts here act like they should, is inside a salt circle, or in a room whose entrances are all guarded by undisturbed salt lines. Fill you in on it when it's tested, but it's better than nothing for now. If you can't run? Grab anything iron to defend yourself. Ghosts are weak to it.

Item number two - raise your arm if you have no idea how the judicial system works here. If you do, explain it to the best of your understanding. The point of this is to eventually make a comprehensive accessible document. Laws and rights are kinda basic knowledge in a civilized society.

Item number three - looking for someone? Want people from home to know you're here the moment they arrive, wanna let people know someone disappeared? Give me names, and I'll make an organized list we can pass around. There're a lot of posts on this network and it's way too easy to miss things. If you're looking for volunteers for anything, I can make a list for that too.

Item number four - been on missions, willing to talk about your experiences on them, or just in Exsilium in general? I wanna hear all about it. Anonymously is just fine too.

[Oh right]

Name's Sam Winchester, and if you're new, welcome aboard. Feel free to ask every question, if I can give you an answer I will.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ he sighs. ]

Does this have something to do with dad's journal?

[ he knows it's not a nice read, but it was to include sam more, not to distance him... ]

[Just the mention of his father is enough to render Sam unable to respond, so minutes will pass and Dean will get no answer.]

[ OKAYYY cue worry. ]

Sammy?

What do you want me to say, Dean?

I don't know, anything? Talk to me, man.

[Another long break in communication.]

Doesn't seem like there's anything to say.

You wanted to know. [ about everything, to not be left out. so now he does, and dean-- he knows it sucks, it fucking does, but he doesn't want sam shutting him out either, not now. ]

And now I do. You should've let me rot there, I deserve it.

No you don't, Sam. Not after everything, you definitely don't. So just-- don't even start with that, okay?

I joined forces with a demon and released the devil. How're you gonna sugar coat that, Dean?

You also saved the world. [ and fuck it, if you're gonna fight him on that. ] Sure, Sam, you fucked up here and there but guess what? We all did, okay? We all screwed up major time, but we fixed things, Sam-- you fixed them.

There's screwing up and there's that. It wouldn't have needed saving if it weren't for me. Truth is, it'd be better for everyone if I don't make it back.

Don't say that. [ sam hasn't gone through it, but he's dismissing everything they all did to make sure they all came out of it okay, one way or another and that-- it fucking sucks, it hurts, and it's not right. ]

You know it's true.

No, Sam, I know it's not true. I know I couldn't have done any of the things that happened after without you, and that the world would have been long gone again if you hadn't been brought back. I know, because I've lived it.

You're the one the world needs.

[That dad needed, everything, everyone.

Dean is always better.]

You're wrong, so wrong. The world wouldn't be around if it wasn't for you.

[ but he doesn't know how to make sam see that, to make him see sense. ]

The world wouldn't be in half the shit it is if it wasn't for me. And neither would you.

[Screw the world, he feels so guilty about Dean. So guilty it makes it hard to breathe.]

Whatever I've gone through for you? I'd do it again, all of it. Over and over if it means keeping you safe.

[And that breaks him, the video feed turning on at last to reveal a tormented tear stained face.]

And that's messed up Dean, can't you see it? That's so messed up. You're the good guy. And I'm...I'm what you hunt.

It's not when you're my brother. [ because you're sammy. ] At the end of the day, you could have two heads and-- I don't know, a tail for all I care about, you're still not the same as what we hunt.

I'd rather have two heads and a tail than do what I did. I'd rather be dead than to do what I did.

Well you don't, and you're not, so maybe that means something, yeah? Like this, Sam, what you're talking about here, on the network-- it's good. You're good.

Yeah, but for how long? And who'll stop me if I cross the line? You already proved you can't.

I won't let you hurt anyone, Sam. If it comes down to that, I'll figure something out.

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