exsilium | video; a work in progress

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video; a work in progress

( Audio picks up the sound of industrial construction, either things familiar in woodshop, car garages, or anywhere of a similar sort. When the feed goes live, Collette is framed to one side, looking forward and away from the camera. She's clearly resting on her arms, and given the angle of the ground on the screen, she's probably lying on her stomach in order to do this. She glances over her shoulder, eyes going to something behind the tablet being used for recording, then smiles as her eyes drop down to the tablet itself. For all intents and purposes, the camera is positioned to make the viewing audience seem like they're side by side with Collette, wherever it is she is, keeping a low profile in this industrialized looking area. Concrete floor that she's resting on, packing boxes ahead of her, bundles of cables and chains glimpsed somewhere past her head. )

Guys! ( She keeps her voice low, not a whisper (they carry further, and can't be heard about the ambient noise), but low to avoid excessive attention. ) Anyone else catch where they dragged the ship off to with that giant crane after the crash? I wondered about that. But I've got news!

( She makes a waving motion at the camera, and it shifts, jarringly, to leave Collette off screen and show something covered in plastic and wiring and cables, a few Initiative workers using welding guns, others wheeling parts away or calling out shouts of questions over the sounds of construction. )

They say the spaceship's salvageable!

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No someone -- ( she protests, it's about the first thing she can protest ) -- just me. As long as I'm mostly coherent, I can think clearly enough to morph. Then it's a moot point! It's if I'm out cold that you need to start worrying, or, you know, out of my head for some other reason.

( That part's matter of fact. She shivers, not even for show; the thought she has is that personally disturbing. )

Being unconscious and still in morph... eugh! No thanks!

( Here she pauses... and then she shakes her head. )

He won't. He's dumb, but not that dumb. If he really wanted me dead, I'd be dead. I'm not infallible. But I think you're right, about that whole friends network thing. I guess I get it better now, but people aren't going to be okay if they know what he's doing. Sollux even started sparking at the eyes. What's really annoying is having to lie to save his sorry butt from the people who'd kick it looking for an outlet!

( She rolls her eyes ceiling-ward, then tucks her chin in to look back down at Caesar. )

It's not a downside to being friendly. It's a downside to not enjoying pointless violence.

[ If they're going to be eyerolling here, fine then, he'll do it right back. ]

It's a downside to both, then. You're so nice and non-violent that you'd rather just put up with someone harassing you than let them get what's coming to them.

[ She's just lucky he's too rational to decide to fix the problem for her. It'd be too vindictive and far too meddlesome even for his tastes. ]

But at least you're getting that part, finally. [ He idly crosses his arms across his chest and looks, not so mildly, a bit smug. Told-you-so smug. ] You might be fine with just morphing damage away, but what you think and what everyone else thinks don't quite match up.

Only because I can afford to! I don't like it, but what's the benefit to telling the people who want to beat him up that they should, hmm? There's got to be a way to make him stop being such a jerk that doesn't make him more stubborn than ever.

( His smug expression has her wrinkling her nose, amused and mildly feather ruffled all at once. Geez, he just makes her feel silly! It's weird to get used to, but maybe it was how things worked when you were taken so far out of your element. You started really caring for people you probably wouldn' have in normal life -- or people you shouldn't have. )

You're looking awfully smug. Makes me want to... ( She leans down a little, hair spilling from over her shoulders. Her expression's positively impish. ) ... kiss it right off you!

( Fishing for reactions, half honest, and half wanting to not linger on the fact he was right about this big weird something she doesn't know what to do with! )

[ And the reaction is a disbelieving snort (and perhaps some worry, somewhere, in his expression). Really, Collette? ]

If that's what it makes you want to do, life must be difficult for you when you're around me, since I'm always smugly correct. [ And therefore looking smug about things a lot! ] You're only trying to change the subject.

[ Back in a direction he'd been trying to turn it away from! That's the worst! ]

( Always, Caesar. Just to varying degrees of seriousness! )

Mmm, it would be if that's how I felt all the time! But it's really more of a right now thing.

( She leans down further. She wonders if she'll get a hand to the face again, 'agreement' nonewithstanding. Or if he'll gain some motivation and slither out, or just plain try sitting up.

It's an amusing series of 'what ifs' running through her mind. )

Only a little. We can get back on topic anytime. Honest.

( Her lips quirk into a lopsided grin, eyes dropping down to his lips for a moment, mostly as a visual tease. Is that what it counts as? She's not sure. )

[ All the same 'what ifs' play out in his own head, but, to the misfortune of both, he does settle on one of the escapes. This time it's a sigh and him moving to sit up. It's all a joke to Collette, but with her leaning in that close? Elza came back to mind almost immediately and he just can't play along.

She'll have to lean aside if she doesn't want to knock their skulls together. ]

Was there anything else we were going to talk about or was it just the ship and that one guy?

( Collette pulls her head back, though she doesn't do more than shift a bit back to give him a little more moving room at first. She doesn't catch her sigh before it's out. It's her only outward indication of disappointment.

Right after, she makes herself smile, shrugging. A moment more and she uses her supporting arm to push off the bed and twist herself away from Caesar. )

No, pretty sure we've already covered the rest.

[ He wonders if he should apologize, if only for a brief second or two, but no. He's not prone to apologies and he'd have to explain what he was apologizing for, which... Well, speaking of dangerous people Collette should stay away from, right? ]

I... guess that's all, then.

[ Yep. Yeah. That's a lame way to wrap things up and he knows it, from the way he looks off elsewhere, suddenly seeming disinterested. ]

( She looks at him sideways, wondering about the elephant standing in the room. When it's related to this, her own thoughts have a certain inevitabe rounding back to a few weeks prior. That in mind, she curls her fingers into a fist, remembering how damn scary it'd been, and how he'd joked (but not, in her mind) about trying not to panic and mess this up.

On some level it'd be normal enough, she worries she'll mess all kinds of things up if she slows down and gets caught up in what-ifs, but...

Collette slaps his upper arm with the back of her hand, hard enough to be attention drawing, but not actually painful. )

We're going to have to talk about her sooner or later.

[ He wasn't expecting that! Which shows in how he turns to give her a startled look. It covers up the sudden dread he feels. Talk about her? He thinks back, to that very same time weeks ago.

Had he said anything?

He can't quite remember. A lot of it has faded into a blur of pain and fever dreams, up until the point he'd woken up, recovering, in the hospital. ]

Talk about who?

Your killer kisser. Ms. Nobody!

( She's almost amused at his surprise. But she's serious, which mitigates some of that amusement. )

The reason why you were sick. I know it can't be anything you caught, we were all in the same place the whole two weeks earlier, and there's no way your immune system's worse than mine. So it's not even an illness.

( And she's been thinking... and not liking the spy movie action thriller thoughts she's been having. )

[ So he had. Miss Nobody, huh? ]

I also thought I was back in the Grasslands being bothered by a basket dog. I'm sure that was only another delusion, Collette.

( She gives him a bland smile. )

No bullshit, please. ( Collette blinks, coloring slightly -- she's surprised at her own language, though she feels she shouldn't be. ) You were out of it at first, but you knew what you were talking about enough to try to lie about it even when you were burning up with fever.

( It's still scary, remembering Scary agian because if it's not an illness, if it's caused by a someone -- and now, she really thinks it was -- then it has that potential of happening again. )

Look, it just isn't anything you need to know about, okay?

[ It was just business. A contract. A horrible, terrifying one that nearly killed him, sure, and maybe he'll truly convince himself of that one day if he keeps thinking that. ]

( She makes a noise of frustration, narrowing her eyes at him and pursing her lips. And he's the one saying she doesn't get it! )

Nuh-uh, you don't get to lecture me about this, then turn around and say that!

( Collette reaches out for him, tugging him toward her with no respect for personal boundaries. This is important to her, and he's being -- he's being stubborn and stupid and even if she might get why someone would be, she doesn't appreciate it one whit! )

It's not that I don't need to know, it's that you don't want to tell me. Remember what happened the last time you decided I didn't need to know something because it was easier for you not to say? "It was supposed to be okay, you were never supposed to follow her!" It's important to me. And I think it's more important than you want to admit to yourself, too, to not keep it all locked up inside you like that actually makes it totally okay. 'Cause it does for a while, but not for forever.

( People are supposed to have those they trust around them. She won't ask for everything -- she doesn't want it -- but a measure of trust and an understanding of why seems important to her. She doesn't want to see it happen again. )

Even if you really wished it did.

It's completely different!

[ Elza isn't actively wishing death upon him!

He makes an irritated sound when she pulls him closer and he leans away, though hardly with enough effort to fight it. It's like a lazy cat that doesn't want to sit still in someone's lap before it decides to on its own, really. He's mostly annoyed that she had to bring up her own encounter with the very same assassin. There's logic to it. She'll figure it out on her own eventually, with only so many potential options for it.

Then what? Then he keeps leaving her in the dark so she has to go confront Elza? He knows how that would end. Which begs the question, considering who she brought up all on her own, if she has... ]

Though I have to wonder if you already know the answer anyway. At least part of it.

[ He refuses to look at her throughout this, glumly glowering at the far wall instead. ]

( She tugs more insistently, ignoring the sound of irritation. The only thing that makes her pause is his statement she might already know the answer. At least part of it. But she didn't, did she? Collette racked her brain, going over their turn in conversation. What could he mean?

With him resolutly glaring at the far wall, he might not see her perplexed look slowly shift toward dawning understanding. Or more like dawning dread, given how unsettled Elza makes her feel. )

Elza?

( Couldn't have been Clive; he'd been back in the UE still at the time. There's no one she can think of with a motive to attack Caesar like that -- heck, even Elza doesn't make sense. Hence her wide eyed demand, tamping down on the surge of adrenaline through her system that coursed through, right along with the concern and sharp tang of fear. )

If it was her, why did she...? How -- ! No, sorry, I get the how, but -- but why?

Got it in one. See? You really can use your brain.

[ This prrrrobably isn't a good time to poke fun at her, Caesar. Oh well, he'll do it anyway, trying to make this all seem that much less serious. At least he gives up fighting the tugging, either too lazy to keep at it or simply seeing no point in being difficult now that the culprit has been guessed. ]

Don't get too jealous, though. She's an awful kisser, just like I said. [ When poison is involved. ] She decided me leaving Clive behind called for a new contract to be opened. That if he wasn't back within a few days after the crash, she would kill me. I didn't realize that I had been poisoned until I started feeling it hours later.

Edited 2013-05-25 14:26 (UTC)

Whatever you say, Tinman!

( When he's given up resisting, she pulls him into a fierce hug, at odds with the light tone making a joke about the joke about the joke about her hating to think when it's most of what she tells him to do. )

Where I come from, we don't call that a contract, we call that a threat. Stupid! Idiot! Jerk!

( Not very nice aspersions to be casting his way, but there's a tremor in her body past the jarring vehemence of the words she's using. She already knew he was scared of these people. She'd already thought having Clive along, no matter how short, wasn't a great idea (and she'd been right as far as she was concerned, considering the collateral damage with Onyx), and now she hears that it got even worse.

Elza, assassin or otherwise, wasn't a stable person. Her behavior was indicative of that, though Collette supposes maybe that makes her a better, more ruthless assassin. Whoopee for her! )

You were dying. That's not wanting to kill you, that's saying you're dead unless she fixes it. Dead!

( Dammit, she will not cry, she will not! Angry, scared tears threaten anyway, and she blinks furiously to make them go away. )

Edited (drat you spelling) 2013-05-25 19:24 (UTC)

I think threats and contracts are basically the same thing to them. It's all business.

[ He holds himself stiffly in her arms, generally uncomfortable with the hug, though it turns out too uncomfortable to do that over more than a moment or two. He'll relax eventually, eventually, give it a few. ]

But she did fix it. Isn't that what matters? [ He's alive! He didn't die! It was a nightmare-inducing experience, but still! ] I knew they would get Clive back here in time, so it's not like I was going to die...

[ It would have taken the rescue party running into some huge problem to throw those calculations off. ]

( It's stupid, because she knows these are the same sort of things she'd be saying to make it not seem like a big deal. "It worked out!" and a more faith based version of "I knew they'd be back in time!" On this side of it, it doesn't sound nearly as reassuring.

Collette gives him a brief squeeze with her arms, continuing to hold him in a hug she needs even if he was going to be resistant. She knows he's not big on physical contact. She still thinks that maybe he needs this, too. )

It shouldn't have been something that needed fixing. And you were dying! ( She felt the hot sting of tears finally overwhelm her eyes, closing them and turning her head in toward his neck. Stupid, stupid...! ) Even I know one stupid antidote given too late won't fix what it's caused in damage, the body doesn't work that way. You were lucky, and so was she!

[ She's probably right. A hug can do a lot for someone, even if it isn't something Caesar himself would ever admit. When it becomes obvious she has no intention to let go, he gives up and leans back against her bonelessly. ]

Isn't this the same kind of conversation we were having just before now? Only you were explaining away why it's fine for you to get hurt because you know you'll be okay? [ At least maybe now she'll know how everyone else feels! Though he doesn't feel very triumphant over that. Especially since he thinks... ] Are... you crying?

[ Oh crap, is she? How is he supposed to deal with a crying girl?! ]

( She gives her head a small shake, squeezing him again now that he's resting against her chest. It's only apparent that she's crying, she doesn't need to admit to it, does she? Only it's not like he won't be feeling when her tears start falling onto him. They'll soak through, sooner or later. )

M-maybe. ( Her breath hitches, and she adds; ) Maybe not.

( So much for a convincing performance. She leaves it off entirely to confess. )

I was scared and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if the doctors were coming, or who was there, or who to call for, and you were so sick -- and I thought you were supposed to starve a fever, but then you were so hot, so I got that stupid copper bowl and the water and tried to help but --

( she has to swallow in her ramble, and while it's all a revisitation, it's scarier realizing the cause is still out there. just... waiting for a reason to turn in a new threat, for a new reason that doesn't follow sensible logic. )

-- but you were in pain, and I couldn't do anything. Then they finally got there with the stretcher and they had you in the hospital and everyone was saying, "He's not going to make the next twenty-four hours" and running tests but the tests weren't showing a cause and the antibiotics didn't do anything and all they could do was give you fluids and the stupid nurse --

( These are her own worries, and her concerns. Things she really doesn't want people knowing about, or knowing she thinks about, because it doesn't fit with how she prefers to view the world. Looking for the bright sides, glossing over the dark parts. Not focusing in on the scary things.

She doesn't let herself dwell, and feels almost weirdly guilty to be saying anything at all, but relieved at the same time. He is okay, but he'd almost not been. And he had to know how frightening that'd been. If it scared her, she can imagine how much it had to have scared him, too.

I hadn't realized she'd poisoned me until later. What had that been like? Finding out the threat wasn't for the future, but was already in progress? Knowing anything delaying the rescue group meant feeling yourself die over something so stupid as an unexpected change in plans that kept Cliver safer for the UE being directed and disorientated miles and miles away from his current position?

She gives him another squeeze, cutting herself off. Most of this has been confessed into his neck and shoulder, really, but she won't keep burdening him with the rest. It's not fair. )

Edited 2013-05-28 07:25 (UTC)

[ It's not a point of view he'd really thought about, for all he had tried explaining to Collette how her actions effect people. Him, though? Is he guilty of the same problem? He's quiet for a long time after she finishes spilling out all those feelings, letting her cry without drawing attention to it again. He shouldn't have asked about them, if she was crying, it'd been obvious and asking was just... And none of it even happened to her, she only had to sit by and watch it! Shouldn't he be more upset?

Is he?

Obviously there's a problem if he's balking at a kiss from someone he actually likes, right? He had thought about dying. There had to have been some point where he was scared and not just for the people who kept trying to help him, but in the end, hadn't he just pushed that all back with assuring himself he was right and he'd be fine?

In the end, all he can do is apologize. ]

I sure to end up saying sorry to you a lot. [ He tries to be flippant about it, trying to disguise to uncertainty in his own voice. ] But I am. I should have said something.

[ He raises a hand to rest it on the arms she has wrapped around him so tightly. ]

I'm not going to try and use them for anything else, okay? I thought I could handle dealing with the Guild, but in the end I guess I was just being a stupid kid.

( Just like that, all the anger dissipates. Hers burns hot and fast when it comes around, and mingled in as it'd been with the rest, it didn't have a lot to sustain it. Especially not when he apologizes.

She laughs, or attempts to, a huff of amusement that sounds as wet and thick as her throat is. She has to swallow twice before she can say anything, and who's to say that what she does manage is worth sharing? )

Thank you.

( Is it for the apology? Or the statement? She doesn't ask, like she half wants to, for a promise. She doesn't want to deal with it getting broken somewhere down the line, if he does think he's gotten the perspective to use the tools at his disposal. )

You made a big mistake. Jerk.

( There's no heat behind it, and she tries, valiantly, to control how she's breathing. Making herself stop crying is more effort than she can muster, but she holds back on the audible sounds that want to escape.

Unfortunately, she ends up holding her breath to do so. The resulting hiccups take her first by surprise. Then it's hilarious -- annoying and hilarious. )

Oh come -- ( hic ) -- on!

( Hiccuping again, she picks her head up, even if she doesn't relax her hold on him. Not yet! Her irritated amusement gives way to helpless hiccuping laughter, the tears coming more slowly. )

This is just getting ridic-- ( hic! ) --ulous!

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