exsilium | 12 △ TEXT

Hello. A couple things:

1 -- Are there any licensed therapists around here? Before you ask: yes, it's exactly what it sounds like, and before you volunteer like the good samaritan you are, I should probably inform you that I gave my last counselor a nervous breakdown.

So. Just figured I'd point that out. But hey, why not give it another shot, right? Even better if you know a thing or two about neurocybernetics, but that's not a must. We can work out some form of payment.

2 –- Another vending machine at the station went missing. What the hell is up with that? Whoever's doing this, are you deliberately trying to annoy me and keep me from doing more important work or what, while I'm chasing a vending machine thief. That said, we're low on staff. Go sign up if you have nothing better to do with your time, but don't touch any fucking vending machines. Unless you just want to get a drink, I guess that's okay.

3 -- Your thoughts on pursuing a serious relationship while trapped in this place. Go.

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Yeah. [Distraction for him, not so much for her. Not more than a few seconds of heavy silence passes before she crosses her arms under her chest.

That elephant in the room may as well be her.]

Sooooooo.

[It's not unlike Samus to be direct when she wants something... unless that something involves her feelings. Doubly awkward when she's not even sure what her feelings are.]

That network post you made...

[Obviously she must feel something, otherwise she would not be here.]

[ WHO KNOWS. Her bringing that up all of a sudden--though it's way softer than he would have expected--causes him to tense up. He's half expecting to be yelled at again although he didn't really mention her name anywhere (though Vanadi had been pretty pushy, like usual).

Okay, Adam. Just play it cool, you can do it. ]

What about it?

[Yeah don't think she didn't read that thread with Vanadi. She's commending him far more than Adam right now for it too.

It'd be easy to oblige her frustration at that thought, but she keeps her cool. It's obvious she's fighting herself however, as her arms continue to remain tightly crossed.]

What did you get out of it?

Can we not?

[ NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN he'd rather not argue. He sees her enter serious mode from the corner of his eye, but he tries to remain unimpressed and continues with his task. ]

Sometimes I just need to talk about things that are on my mind. I didn't mention you.

[wow overreaction much; far less impressive of course is the fact that he chooses to try and skirt around it with a pseudo lie.]

Vanadi sure did, and you sure confirmed it.

That was him, not me.

[ THANKS FOR CONFIRMING THAT YOU'RE A STALKER, THOUGH, DEAR. He sighs and turns around, okay, fine, he crosses his arms too. ]

So what now. Say what you want to say and go use the shower, since I'm assuming that's what you're here for.

[LIKE U R ONE TO TALK, DEAR]

No, actually. I didn't come here for that. I wanted to genuinely talk to you about...

[about... feelings]

About it. If you think so less of me though, I'll gladly walk out that door [There's a firm point at the door for emphasis.] and never bother you again.

[The steely gaze she has locked onto him is resolute; if he wants that, then he's given her no reason to even try.]

...

[ that's uh. unexpected. Yeah. though he's not getting his hopes up, maybe she just wants to calmly tell him off, that he should outright forget about that whole thing, that he's ridiculous for even bringing it up...

well, he's a pessimist. ]

That's not what I said at all. It's just that... uh... we don't usually. Talk.

Yeah. [It's a flat, slightly defeated sounding 'yeah'; equal parts acknowledging and accepting of that fault.] I know.

[Because it's really hard. Even though she's taken the first step she struggles to continue. In fact she struggles her way right onto his couch, feeling the need to sit with such a heavy weight on her shoulders. Her silence is more or less an open invitation for him to join her--because she's not going to have a conversation like this halfway across the living room.]

[ He remains where he is for a few more moments, still wondering what this might be about. He also notices how is breathing is quickening; fighting would be a whole lot easier, but right now he has no idea what's coming.

Adam quietly follows her, acknowledging and admiring that she's done the first step, no matter what the second and third ones are gonna look like. He sits down on the couch too, at the other end, slouching, with his hands in his lap.

Perhaps it is time to follow some of that advice... ]

I'm really tired of this. I mean- I know it's my fault. I thought I would be able to handle it, that I wouldn't let it get to me, but- I just can't. I need some kind of closure. [ he briefly buries his face in his hands, heaving a sigh. ] That's all, you won't have to say more. [ easy, right? ]

[She cants her head in both confusion and curiosity. It's sounding like he either A) wants to break it off or B) is assuming she wants to break it off.

...whatever it is, that's going on between them. She's not experienced enough in these matters to distinguish what he's implying through his strained, incomplete sentences, but she does come to this conclusion;]

We're... both afraid of something here. About each other. About us.

[Samus fiddles with her hands, struggling with words, trying to keep them simple.]

I'm... [this is monumentally difficult to get out of her mouth] afraid of getting... too close to anyone. Especially someone I like. Like you.

[THERE... THERE SHE DID IT SHE EXPRESSED HERSELF. As if this had taken a lot of energy out of her, her next sentence is spoken very softly.]

I'm bad luck.

So am I.

[ A fucking tragedy.

But he's honestly surprised about what she's saying; it's not at all what he expected. It's not unwelcome. There's something to work with, here. She just implied that she liked him, even if it obviously hadn't been easy for her to admit.

It almost makes him feel at ease. Almost. ]

Maybe we'll cancel each other out.

[ He supposes it's either all or nothing now--he could continue to tiptoe around the issue, but then they'd just be back at square one with no notable progression, and that's not the fucking point. The others were right--just do this like any other adult, and say what you mean.

And that's exactly what he's gonna do now, so there's going to be no more hand fiddling on Samus' part now because Adam takes them both in his own and looks her straight in the eyes.

No more. ]

I love you. [ Just like that. It's easy, and just to make sure it's being understood, ] I love you. [ He squeezes her hands harder. ] Please let me. I don't care anymore what happens.

You...

[It's not like the admittance is surprising--even as inexperienced and repressive as Samus could be when it regarded personal feelings, she wasn't that dense to not recognize Adam's emotional strife. Not after all these months, after all the words said and experiences shared.

Hearing it was another thing entirely; giving the suspicion, the feelings a tangible, real form. The sound hitting her ears was as real as all the other physical reactions, like her heart skipping a beat, her breathing quickening and cheeks burning bright pink.

I was so afraid of this.]

Adam...

[Afraid that she would feel the exact same way about him. She can't quite manage the words but she grips his hands--it wasn't even a concern to her that they weren't flesh and blood--what concerned her more, at this exact moment, was that if she didn't hold onto him she'd lose him. Suddenly facing the prospects of damning not only herself, but maybe him too to a lifetime of eternal loneliness seemed far worse than, well, bad luck.

Maybe a second or two after her lips found his, Samus recognized that she was taking a great risk, and a great step towards trusting Adam with not only her feelings, but the notion that they could protect each other from harm and alleviate each other's fears.

That maybe, just maybe, their bad luck could end here.]

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