Video

[maddeninghatter]

[ Squeak squeak squeak squeaksqueak squeak squeeeeeeak. ]

People just love having pets, don't they~? ♥

[ Xerxes Break is in the marketplace, broadcasting as he walks along. The picture is wobbling up and down with each step. People who tend towards motion sickness might wish to look away. ]

Unconditional adoration from a constant companion--

WHO DOESN'T CARE HOW PATHETIC YOU ARE!

[ This last outburst seems to have come from the blonde, blue-skinned, horribly-grinning doll on Break's shoulder. He chides her, waggling his finger: ]

Now, now Emily. One mustn't blurt out the truth like that, people don't like it. As I was saying, a pet is a maaaaaaarvelous thing, isn't it? Always with you, underfoot, getting in your way, knocking against your shins, and being utterly and completely...

[ Squeak squeak squeak squeak. ]

--ah, haha! Well anyway, it's worth it, all that bother, in exchange for the warm feelings you get, right? Alas, alack and well-a-day, I have no time for such things, so I thought perhaps I'd offer my pet up for adoption.

[ Now the camera angle tilts, to show off Break's "pet": it's a little red wagon, following him through the marketplace, moving entirely on its own accord. One of its wheels has a high-pitched, persistent, eardrum-drilling… squeak. ]

I can't give him away for free, of course, but I'm willing to entertain all reasonable offers. I simply want to see him in a gooooood home, that is to say--

[ SQUEAK! ]

--not mine!

Comments

[whatsupcroc]

Hey! Waiting where?

[maddeninghatter]

Under your bed!

[whatsupcroc]

( He's got to be joking )

Say hi to the monster when you're under there! I bet he gets awfully lonely.

[maddeninghatter]

[ He is joking.




He'll be in the cupboard. ]

Poor thing, don't you feed him?

[whatsupcroc]

Of course I do! A steady stream of lonely socks when the other's been lost to the laundry!

[maddeninghatter]

Socks? Dear me, I wouldn't feed it socks. It'll start developing a taste for feet, if you let them dangle out from under the covers.

[whatsupcroc]

I don't think I'd feel too worried about that, personally!

( Heh. Not feel worried, really, Collette? )

[maddeninghatter]

[ Petulantly, waving her off: ]

You moden girls are no fun at aaaaaall

[whatsupcroc]

( She sticks out her tongue! )

Says you! Anyway, come find me in three hours, how about that? I've got to go start baking!

[maddeninghatter]

Sounds fantastic!

[ Creeper smile ]

[whatsupcroc]

( Um... Weirdo.

Nonetheless, she lives up to her word, and spends the next small pat of eternity encased in three hours of baking, not realizing flour is on her nose, and setting the kitchen back to rights while the cookies bake in the oven. Maybe she could do cookies for dinner tonight.

Caesar wasn't coming over, right? She could totally do cookies for dinner. She bet nobody would even notice!

Wheeling back past the sink, she pulled open a drawer to take out a small metal tin of chamomile tea. She really wanted black, but chamomile was better for her mood. Besides, it'd help her avoid the cookies! )

HI THERE

[maddeninghatter]

[ There's a pop and a creaky whine of hinges and then a voice from above: ]

Right on time~! ☆

[ Somebody's in the cupboard. Somebody with a mad smile and enthusiastic waving. ]

OH GOD

[whatsupcroc]

( A voice not from in her head, coming from above... ?

Collette was not ashamed to admit to the fact she shrieked at first, nor that her corresponding action was to toss a spatula at Break's face. Her only shame would have been in destroying the cookies she's worked so hard on, and not morphing fast enough to respond to an unexpected threat.

Why had she taken off her stopwatch? She remembers the heat of the oven, and the heat of the metal, but something warm and burning against her chest isn't much of a worry. She can deal with the transient pains.

Cupboard monsters? Now that was a whole different Tim Burton tale! )

What are you doing?!

[maddeninghatter]

[ He blocks the flying spatula easily, with a quick wave of his floppy sleeve, because he's just that good... ]

My, my, my!

[ ...or is it because he's used to being screamed at and having things thrown at him? Either way, he unfolds himself from the cupboard (which ought to be too small to hold him) and drops down lightly beside her. ]

What's the matter? Don't get so upset. You did say I ought to come and find you!

[whatsupcroc]

Did you teleport into my cupboard!?

( Collette sounds absolutely astonished! She stops herself from morphing crocodile, but only after realizing this crazy thing was actually happening, and she recognized that guy! )

1/2

[maddeninghatter]

I live there, don't you know~♥

When's the last time you cleaned it out, hmmm?

[ He can hear where her voice is coming from; she must be very tiny. He puts out a hand, reaching for her shoulder, on purpose to bend down and get into her personal space. ]

You ought to be more tidy, honestly--

2/2

[maddeninghatter]

[ At which point, his hand knocks against the back of her chair. His clown face facade falls; he's confused. Then his arm drops down, his fingers brushing against the wheel. ]

--Oh.

[whatsupcroc]

( It's on the tip of her tongue to joke about how tidy it is, and why would she ever clean those cabinets, sir, please! But she's struck by exactly what he does. People invading her personal space? Older men?

She's surprisingly used to it, from even those who hardly smile. She remembers Gabriel... but Break's not much like him at all. In fact, she finds the way he bends curious, like he's waiting for something to touch his hand -- he's so close, if she leaned, she'd be brushing him! -- but what he finds isn't what he expects.

Which should be obvious, if he had any idea what he was looking at. Only that's the thing. This reminds her far more of the girl from the institute for the blind than anything playful, especially when she can tell something clicks when he's brushing at all the parts of her that aren't organic. )

Or is it just that you're attracted to dark places because you live in one?

( It's not a nice statement, but she only realizes that after speaking; her tone of voice is light and amused, like it's some grand joke. Collette reaches out to nab his hand, though her other hand is out to catch him if he knocks into a significant part of her chair. )

I don't know what you expected me to do about the dust up there! You're right on time, weirdo, but you need to, you know, warn a girl before she totally kicks your butt for coming in the back way.

[maddeninghatter]

[ "Give me three days, and I'll adapt perfectly," is what he'd told Reim when it had happened. And he had adapted, his ability to cope depending on his other senses, as well as his Chain's power.

But expectations play a large role in the way he pictures his world, and how could he have expected that this teenage girl, who giggled about make-out sessions would be trapped in a chair like this, like the one his Lady Sheryl uses, except she is a very old woman, and this girl is - just a girl.

A clever girl too, he thinks, as she takes his hand and chastises him. He straightens up (but doesn't pull his hand away) and rearranges his features into something resembling a disapproving expression. ]

My dear Miss Colette, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were--

[ Emily chimes in: ]

MAKING A DIRTY JOKE!

[whatsupcroc]

( She snorts, then outright laughs at the absurdity -- as if! Squeezing his hand, she shakes her head. )

Don't be gross!

( Odd how he chooses to use that ventriloquism to be blunt. It's like it's some sort of strangely voiced coping mechanism. )

If I was, it certainly wouldn't be to you. You're old! ... No offense. You're very handsome for an old guy!

[maddeninghatter]

Oh well, thank yooooou~!

[ An elaborate bow, as he slips his hand free of hers. ]

I'd say something about your pulchritude, but - I really don't knoooooow, do I? You might have warts on your nose!

[ He ruffles her hair and turns on his heel, sniffing his way towards the oven. ]

Now how about those cookies, hmm? "Twould be a terrible shame if you burnt them!

[whatsupcroc]

Pulchritude...

( She taste the word, wrinkling her nose and determining that whatever it is (if the context tells her correctly), it's an odd word, and she's not sure if she'll be remembering it. )

Pfft, do I feel like an amateur? Keep your hands counter level! Everything's actually out of the oven now.

[maddeninghatter]

"Pulchritude": it's an awful-sounding word that means beauty. I like it very much!

[ The oven is still exuding wonderful smells, but he's quick to take direction. His fingers brush up against a cooling rack and--

Hm? "Feel"?

--Ah.

He grasps a still-warm cookie and slowly breaks it in half - and stuffs both halves into his mouth at once. Speaking with his mouth full: ]

I don' know.

[ And swallowing. He seizes five more cookies. ]

What does an amateur feel like? The only answer I can come up with is naughty--and in your case, probably true!

[whatsupcroc]

Ew! Don't be gross!

( She snorts, watching in wide eyed fascination as he assimilates the cookies. Was there another way to describe it?

... Yes, but the author was like fuck it so here we are.

Collette wheels herself back a half step. )

Is the cookie roundish? Warm? Not ugly-gooey at the center? That's experience!

[maddeninghatter]

[ RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. COOKIES WILL BE ASSIMILATED. ]

Mmmmm...

[ He's humming with a sugar high, with a tower of cookies balanced precariously on his head. It looks as though they'll fall off any minute, but somehow - they don't. ]

I quite agree, you know what you're doing!

[ In a deft movement, he transfers the whole stack of cookies from his head into his mouth, until it's stuffed completely full. Emily chimes in: ]

EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE IT!