video; dated to after everyone gets back from uruguay

[ex_bandai157]

( well, that was - something. fifteen is not an age he'd ever wanted to experience again for a number of reasons, all of which stand out vividly in mind right now. there was so much he didn't know then, driven by a raw need for revenge and to get his answers, still hanging on mr maverick's every word. he wasn't happier then but things were simpler then, more cut and dry, and he was more certain of things than he may ever be now.

he sighs before he can stop himself, offering the feed a long-suffering expression. )

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me ( there's a slight stress on the last word ) in the last two weeks as I was getting reacquainted with living here - especially since I wasn't particularly easy to deal with, at that age. Presumably, everyone's aware that disruptions like this are difficult to predict or control, but if anyone would still like an apology for my behavior, I can't say it wouldn't be deserved.

Comments

[ex_bandai157]

( what she's saying in alarming in and of itself - makes him wonder yet again what could've happened to make a young girl like her so jaded and full of self-loathing - but calling herself a corpse crosses over from alarming to disturbing and horrifying.

still, he starts carefully, in a measured tone: )

You're still very young to be talking like that.

[fortissimos]

That doesn't make it any less true.

[ There's bitterness mixing in with the frustration, now. The realization he's not quite the perfect hero she thought eats away at her, bit by bit; but it's compounded by the fact that no matter what, he's still far, far too good for her to even talk to.

She'd raise her voice, but she really doesn't have the energy to argue. She just sounds defeated. ]

... Ahaha, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not gonna stop helping people, or anything like that. [ At least that gives her a sense of purpose, shallow as it may be. ] I'll stay out of your way.

THIS THREAD IS KILLING ME

[ex_bandai157]

I didn't think you would.

( because he understands the feeling all too well. there's the genuine desire to do good, of course, but there's also the sense of having nothing else, nothing at all, in the whole world besides helping people and if that's gone, then what? )

In any case, you've never been in my way.

LMAO HE'S MAMI 2.0 and nobody deserves that

[fortissimos]

... That's good.

[ She sounds genuinely relieved at the comment. Even if she's a terrible person, she at least hasn't been a burden on someone important — someone who can help people in ways she can't anymore. ]

This probably seems really sudden, but... I guess that's because I've been deceiving you this whole time. I'm the type of person who gets others killed because she doesn't act. [ She delayed for so long, only to make the exact same wish in the end. It's not like Madoka, who had never come up with one at all; she had known from the start, and kept putting it off... out of what, fear? Fear of facing the same things Mami did every day, by herself and without a single friend to confide in? ] You shouldn't associate with me.

omg latest

[ex_bandai157]

( he remembers growing up with that kind of regret. what would've happened if he'd gotten home faster? if he hasn't asked so much to get to go out for the day? if he'd decided not to inconvenience his parents or samantha? could they have lived? could the police have been called sooner, could something have gone differently? the fact that he'd been a child at the time was fairly irrelevant to him; all that meant was that he had all the more time to dwell on these kinds of regrets. he realizes now that things probably would've gone exactly the same, maverick's mad perfect tragic scenario, but years of guilt don't just melt away like a morning's snow. besides, after the way kotetsu - after all of the heroes - almost died for his involvement with him, with maverick, can he really say he's much different? )

Even if that's true, that's not something I could judge you for, Sayaka.

rolls on

[fortissimos]

[ His answer makes her furious. Someone so good, so heroic, shouldn't let her off the hook like that; he should hate her for what she's done and what she is. She might be fighting back tears, but her voice is nothing short of a growl. ]

But you should! [ He's only accepting because he doesn't understand, there's no way if he really knew— ] Don't you get it? I'm a horrible person! I knew what my wish was gonna be, but I kept putting it off, and Mami-san died because because I was a coward!

[ Her shoulders shake, and she fumbles with the tablet, switching to voice before things can escalate any further. A corpse can't feel emotion — if she lets go, it should be easy to block them out.

Flatly: ]

Don't ever say that. If you do, you're just as bad as the rest of them.

;~;

[ex_bandai157]

( he doesn't understand - wishes, someone named mami(san?) - but the emotional outburst leaves him all the more sure something's happened, something really awful.

his own reply may seem cold, but it's serious and level. )

I'm not asking you to explain what happened, but it's foolish to make judgments based on incomplete information. That only leads to making poor choices; without knowing the full circumstances, as I said, I'm unable to truly judge.

lmao weh.............

[fortissimos]

[ She can't understand his reasoning. The only things left are worse — all the times she was too late to help people, what she said to Madoka that day, the fact she regretted saving Hitomi, even for just a second. What she's already said should be more than enough to condemn her (would be, if she was hearing it from someone else), and if she explained the rest... ]

You know enough. [ Her hands are still shaking, but it doesn't show through in her voice. It's entirely devoid of emotion. ] But if you really think that, then I'll decide instead. If I stay near you, it'll cause problems, so... I'll make sure that doesn't happen. You won't see me again.