exsilium | 001 | Audio

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001 | Audio | Crowley

Well isn't this just nice and cosy? Not exactly where I want to be but isn't it always so delightful when someone intervenes with your life without any permission and dumps you in the middle of war to play bloody tin soldiers?

[There's a slight huff of frustration.] Look, I'm not really up for the whole fighting side of things, I much prefer watching from the sidelines. Blood is always so hard to get out and it's rare to find a descent dry cleaner in a warzone. I'm afraid you've definitely got the wrong bloke here. Forgive me if I don't plan to stick around.

So, if anyone out there can kindly point me to the nearest exit, I will be most grateful. If not, I'll settle for the nearest place to get a descent drink.

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[...]

Yes, I'm getting that feeling.

I mean, sure, you could be teleported to a wartorn society without a decent drink. That is terrible.

Of course, then you could realize that your creator who you subsequently betrayed and sat on his throne was here. And then, he could know that you were actively working against his release. That would definitely be worse.

[Bugger. This like a very bad and potentially fatal hangover. Well, he always knew this would happen somehow, someway. He was kind of hoping it would happen on his own territory and Lucifer would be far more interested in ripping apart the Winchesters that he could get himself safely away. Well, there's still time.]

In my defence, I was going to die either way so I took a shot. Sue me.

Of course, the situation can always be improved on. Perhaps, hypothetically, your creator would feel inclined to show mercy if you groveled at his feet and expressed your undying loyalty.

[There's a snort of amusement and disbelief he doesn't even try to cover up. He can probably hold his own these days, he's been a fine king of hell. And even if he can't, he's also a brilliant hider. He'd dodged him before.]

I can think of hundreds of things I'd much rather do first than bow to some insane little angel with a daddy complex. Just saying. I mean it's hardly my fault your family rows nearly took down the whole sodding earth, I was just protecting my interests.

[Lucifer finally clicks the video on. He offers Crowley an unfriendly smile.]

I have to admit, I didn't want you to say yes. Groveling can be so boring. But I had to ask. You are, after all, my child of sorts. And I find it's important to at least give your wayward children a chance.

[He pulls the camera closer. There's a bit of static and a dark, malevolent gleam in those pale eyes. He chuckles at nothing.]

You better run, you insect. Because if I ever catch you, I will put your whole race to shame in the ways I can make you beg for death. Don't make it boring for me. I have very high expectations from the sham king of hell.

Edited 2012-12-21 08:49 (UTC)

[Well, that was all the confirmation he needed to know this wasn't an imposter. This was just very unfortunate. And while, yes, he was very aware he was probably going to come to a messy end soon, he may as well make the most of it.]

Get bent.

[Not exactly his wittiest come back but it pretty much said everything. He's going to be splatted no matter what.]

Oh, you've hurt my feelings.

[He chuckles again, tapping the screen disapprovingly.]

I can sense you right now, little insect. You better hide like a coward behind some magic before I come and get you.

You know, I was thinking the best way to teach you a lesson. First, I'm going to take apart your physical body that you love so much. Toenails off first. Work my way up. Only after you're an indistinguishable mash of slit tendons will I start on your twisted soul. And there aren't spoken language words to explain what I'm going to do to that.

Is that all? [He tuts slightly, just trying to ruffle ol' Luci's feathers.] I've done worse for lesser crimes.

I always found torture is a bit of an art, people either over due it or muck it up. I'd be curious if you've still got it. That is, if you can find me.

[That just makes him laugh.]

It's far from all, Crowley.

Run, run, run, as fast as you can.

[oh don't worry, he is. Hence the hanging up.]

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001 | Audio | Crowley

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