exsilium | video

The free high-tech laptop is a nice touch, but the whole "let's get ready for a war" thing isn't. Though I guess the onslaught of monsters is pretty convincing...looks like you guys need all the help you can get!

...too bad you picked the wrong girl. Your warrior princess is in another castle, I'm just the magical support. Hi, the name's Kaycee, the girl you're looking for is named Ariel. Y'know, blonde hair...blue eyes...white... [she tugs on her ponytail of mussed up, black hair for emphasis] the people in charge of this place obviously missed their mark.

[she looks totally nonchalant and familiar with using technology. though honestly, she's from a time where touch-screens weren't as wide-spread but hey, she got her hands on an iPhone or two before technology became borked and she found herself in a shitty fantasy world.

nice to have something that reminds her of home. even if she graduated from a fantasy cliche to a science fiction one.

something seems to cross her mind and she shifts topics.]

Hey, when and if this monster infestation is all said and done, does anyone know a good river or lake or something? I need to get stoned.

And by stoned I mean like, find stones. Which I need. To throw at people. I'm being completely serious. If someone pops up and gives me a look I swear...it was a rock joke. And even if it wasn't a joke you're not my mother.

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And the rubble just isn't up to your standards?

[Garrett is pretty entertained, give him a second.]

Why rocks, of all things?

Isn't stoning a bit extreme?

Hey dude, it has to come from some body of water. [SHE HOLDS UP HER HANDS IN MOCK DEFENSE] I didn't make up the rules.

[LMAO THERE'S A PAUSE, as though she's trying to parse how to word it.]

Because that's how my magic works. Again, don't ask, not my idea.

Not as extreme as monsters if you ask me.

Really? Go on.

And if you're hard pressed for bodies of water...have you been outside yet? Just out of curiosity.

Oh. Are... those the things you're planning on stoning?

Uh well there's not much to really go on about if you ask me, Mr. Billy Mays. [ONE DAY SHE WILL LEARN THAT POP CULTURE REFERENCES ARE USELESS IN ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS. probably not. she shrugs.] Water apparently makes it easier for stones to store magic, that's really all I've been told.

[slash she wasn't paying attention to her master, that too.]

Uh yeah, kinda? But there are monsters and I'm not in the mood to go searching when I can, you know, die. And, Peace Zone or not, I'd rather not be eaten on my first day trying to gather up rocks, thank-you-very-much.

No I'm planning on stoning unsuspecting civilians, women and children alike, and looting them for their money and pants.

[SHE LAUGHS, waving that away.]

No I'm joking. Yes, I'm totally going to stone those monsters. Maybe. If I'm in the mood.

Hawke, actually. Champion of Kirk--oh, you wouldn't know it anyway. [His suffering is deep, truly.]

It's raining. Fairly incessantly. I suspect you could find quite a few deep puddles to harvest from.

I have actually heard of a Kirk, but the great captain has never needed a Champion. Or...so I think actually I've never watched that show I could be completely wrong.

[suffering is the way of a Bioware protagonist tbh.

she holds a finger up.]

Ah, so I've noticed. But, the question is...do these puddles have rocks or pebbles? I'm not demeaning myself to tiny grains of what were once awesome and powerful rocks.

Also puddles in post apocalyptic worlds are gross. I mean, any body of water in a post apocalyptic world is gross but puddles are gross even when the apocalypse hasn't happened.

Magical support is just as important as warrior princessing, isn't it?

Sure, that's what I've been told, yeah. But, let's be real, everyone would rather be the warrior princess than the mage who stands in the back throwing glowing rocks at enemies.

Why would you ever be in the mood to throw rocks at monsters?

Haven't you ever been in the mood to throw something at someone?

I have.

No one's trying to stab the rock-thrower. I'd consider that a very serious plus.

Well they do try sometimes. If they're smart.

But yeah, sure, a plus. But you still don't see people fawning over how great and powerful the rock-thrower is.

Maybe where you're from, but I've met some pretty impressive rock-throwers in my time.

Oh do tell I love hearing about fellow rockers.

Kirkwall. I have no idea who this Captain Kirk is. [Besides--] The only captain I give any credit is Isabela. Terrible pirate, scourge of the seas?

You do have a point about the rocks, though. And the puddles. Then I'm afraid I don't have any ideas, although I hear tales that this is some kind of island.

Well, some rock throwers I know are strong enough to travel through time or change reality. No sword can do that.

What? No swords that can rip through the space time continuum or whatever?

I feel like that would totally be a thing.

Never heard of her. Sorry.

[except not really.]

Oh sweet then there's plenty of water to go around. Wonder what the beaches are like.

Probably filled with three eyed fish and tentacle monster children.

That sounds horrible. You'll probably need accompaniment.

[--wait Maker why did he say that.]

I suppose I could do it. Lighten things up with some pirate shanties, ward off the monsters, guard your virtue, so on and so forth.

Oh, it probably exists, but says a lot less about the wielder, don't you think? I mean, it's not the person who ripped the hole, it's the weapon.

Well. Yeah. But I've... I've never actually gone out and done it.

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