i | text

[ticktocks]

ok im gonna make this short and sweet i just need to get one thing straight

assuming this district nine space wars fight for the rights to drill for oil on blue cat person nature planet or whatever the fuck the goal is here is actually legit and not just some inane elaborate hoax to derail everyone from the real plot
and that im not just typing a message to a bunch of people sitting behind a bunch of computer screens with one hand in their pants and the other stroking a big fat wad of money laughing their asses off at the gullible kid getting punkd
who exactly is in charge here because them and i need to have some words
namely some words on how the fuck theyre getting their spacey kidnap powers on when im pretty damn sure thats not even possible given how far into the deepest recesses of spaces asshole i was delving into while rocketing a million light years per hour on a giant meteor up until just now
like youd have to be pretty god damn talented to make that happen
not that i havent heard of way way way way way crazier things happening like even within the past day or two
but the point still stands
and for that matter speaking of crazy shit going down i dont get why they had to trick my old sword out in order for me to use it
that shit was working just fine before but now its apparently special like its about to go undercover and expose some crime lords running beauty pageants all blowing up tiara bombs and wrecking beauty queen shit left and right or whatever
not that im complaining because the only way to make an awesome thing more awesome is to amp that shit out to the max but lets get real here
as far as overpowered soldiers go i got enough to my name as it is
so basically this boils down to
whos the boss here and how do i hand in my resignation
cause sorry to say i already got signed up for one war i didnt even want to be in ages ago and im not talking about the great and neverending strife for who gets to take a goddamn shower first
not that i dont have some time to kill but id rather kill it in can town laying down some sick justice on the rogue squirrels trying to turn their terroristic bullshit on the proud and brave democratic nation of perishables
if that sounds like a way better cause then thats because it is


[ so much for short and sweet. also sorry it took so long to intro! if you would rather not have me use text responses, comment here or let me know in the subject line. ]

Comments

text;

[curepotion]

If that's your "short and sweet", we're gonna be here for a while.

[ticktocks]

i mightve had a few extra thoughts come up towards the end but honestly the length aint really the important part anyway
its the width
so whatever
point is its all valid so who cares

I AM FINE with the text but... Edgeworth isn't. | voice;

[bratworth]

[ What. ]

Paragraphs. Punctuation.

[ They're your friends. Stop abusing them. ]

sorry edgeworth 8(

[ticktocks]

dont care

[caligulas_aquarium]

ugh
do you really gotta type so much it makes ignorin the absolute vvileness a your color a choice near impossible

[ticktocks]

dont even talk to me about vile colors dude we all know purple is as incredibly douchey and gay as it gets
its like the go-to color of choice for any asshole that ever threw on a pair of tights and went prancing off to ren faire to get paid big bucks just to have overpriced fake mutton chops thrown at them
my colors awesome
get over it

[whatsupcroc]

Hey, Purple Font Guy! Red Font Guy said I should come ask you how you turn font colors, because you're a really great and helpful guy who knows all about this sort of stuff.

[itase]

Okay. Adding you to the list of people with insane lives that ended up here.

And sorry. It's a one way ticket so far.

[ticktocks]

what is there like a people with fucked up life circumstances club here or something cause yeah id say i get an automatic signup for that just for existing
then again given whats going down right now id say everyones entitled to a free pass since im pretty sure nobody would sign up for this garbage
its like instead of getting nine thousand issues of some magazine we dont want they decided to just bring us to the source instead
try unsubscribing now asshole

also what do you mean one way are they just putting us out here to get mowed down indiscriminately or something

[fintastic]

T)(at is a lot of very red text!

[ticktocks]

yeah and theres more where that came from but im saving the real avalanche for the presumptuous bling-wearing italian guy in a suit thats running this joint
just throwing out guesses at the identity since i still aint heard any better ones

[implying]

My, quite a rant you've built yourself there! Are you sure you're finished?

[ticktocks]

nah i mean if its that interesting i can go on
i can go on all night if i wanted to
but im pretty sure thats not gonna get me any closer to getting the hell out of here

[tipsygnostalgia]

sorry nobobies found a way to leave exactly yet
so u will have to wait a while before going back to spelunkcing spaces asshole sorry dude
* spelunking

[ticktocks]

how long is awhile though like has this been going on for two hours or two years or what
just a ballpark figure works

[ex_bandai157]

If it was as simple as that, hardly anybody would be here at all.

[ticktocks]

are you sure
some people are probably into this kinda thing

[whatsupcroc]

Wait, what turns font red on this?

[ticktocks]

i cant just tell you that or itd ruin everything
its a secret art passed down through the generations of red font guys
letting the secret out would just be straight up disastrous ok i cant have that kind of shit on my conscience

[eyecontact]

[well this is


certainly a thing. and there is a lot going on but hang on:]

You said you were on a meteor?

[ticktocks]

yeah
been there for awhile just cruising at a steady speed of really fucking fast and headed straight towards a giant green sun
its basically chill and not a big deal

text.

[pantyraid]

I tried to read this so many times, but it's just so long and red!
But I think I got the gist of it. I don't think anyone knows who the boss is, and I don't think there are any rogue squirrels, although that really would be pretty awesome!!

text.

[ticktocks]

theres always a boss though thats the thing
even rogue squirrels got a boss they report to i mean who do you think tells them to go out and be shitheads
obviously a scheming bushy tailed motherfucker in a three piece suit standing on the top floor of some giant corporate building and staring down at the city menacingly while plotting its subtle underhanded takeover of all the innocent local owned businesses
aint no different here only instead of corporate scheming its some twisted ex-general out for revenge and were all just his little toy soldiers getting thrown into the fray
its so obvious i dunno how everyone cant see it

Voice

[blondejokes]

Do you need that obnoxious color? I could hardly even read through all of that.

still text, will he ever switch

[ticktocks]

oh my fucking god why are you people so obsessed with font colors
i mean i know theyre a big deal but there is a way bigger deal happening like right this second
and instead of getting answers im just getting all these technology inept people screaming because they dont like red or whatever
is that what starts happening here
like
we just all slowly get dumbed down until only the most pointless things matter anymore
that must be how theyre running this place without some straight up anarchy going down day in and day out
it all makes sense now
thanks for showing me the light

[musclebeast]

D --> Oh
D --> Oh my

[musclebeast]

[Let him just stable some of those wild roaming emotions, goodness.]

D --> I am fairly sure there is an e%treme lack of
D --> Ah
D --> Stroking, as you so vibrantly described in your e%ecrably intense red te%t and repulsive and 100d vernacular, and in that I doubt we are getting bamboozled
D --> This situation, though silly and not at all our problem, is most likely very real, and most definitely pointless as far as we are concerned
D --> Furthermare, they hoof already proven to have quite advanced technology, not only by stabling a range of individuals here from many planets and time lines, but by sending us around in Earth's time as well
D --> At one point I was strifing with ancient Earthen scalebeasts and absconding from e%ceptionally vibrant happenings caused from e%tremely active plate tectoni% on some desolate Earth island I don't care about
D --> So yes, it is possibull
D --> Ah, e%cuse me, I may very well need a towel still

[One moment please... A moment where he scans your message again and oh god, 'stroking a wad' those words, ahh. Oh, towel, right, of course. Goodness.]

D --> As for your sword, yes, it will most definitely be wrecking things now
D --> As splendid as that imagery is
D --> It shall wreck them to a much further degree than it had done before, queens and kings are meant to fall before it with how those f001ish h001igans describe
D --> We are meant to assist them in downing their government, again, f001ish, as is this entire place as a whole
D --> But as for your resignation, consider that impossible, human, because
D --> Well, it 100ks like in that respect you most assuredly hoof been 'punked'
D --> You are here to stay, whether you decline or not, and believe me, declining is something I have already tried to do myself
D --> An e%it of your choosing is out of the question