three; video

[irritating]

[ Hi so here's a video of this asshole sitting on the floor of her moonbase room, looking... messily festive. She's got a few strings of silver tinsel randomly wrapped around her head and shoulders, a string of blinking, multi coloured lights hanging over her wings, and there appears to be a snowman sticker stuck to her cheek. ]

Right so I've been packin' shit up and I realized I never said hey fuck you guys like I should've, so hey fuck you guys, especially you Earthy folk 'cause not a single one of you fucks told me about department stores. I mean fuckin' come on, look at all the shit they have -

[ She tilts the camera to the floor around her and wow yeah she sure has been robbing Walmarts. Actually you can't even see the floor itself, it's just... stuff, literally everywhere, with barely a thing in her suitcase (which still has all the tags on it) that's just laying there among the pile, open and abandoned. Apollo then sets the tablet back down on the bed so she can once again have her hands free. ]

Hey by the way, Donny and medfriends, got the shit you wanted. Got uh, little hammered there for a bit and I mighta temporarily lost the damn bag I put it all in but I got it again! You assholes still on the moon or didya take off to snowland already? And actually y'know what, speakin' of snowland, I'm gonna be real sweet and letcha haaaaave [ rustle rustle ] some of these too! [ Is that a box of flavoured condoms she's holding up right now, wow it sure is. ] Kinda figure it's cold as balls down there so hey, how 'bout some fruity humpin' to keep everyone warm? Like fuck you got uh, let's see. [ Reading from the back and adding her own embellishments: ] Grapedick? Sure! Bananadong? No problem! Berrycock? Gotcha fuckin' covered! [ God she looks so pleased with life right now. ] What a fuckin' world Earth is, hey?



By hey seriously it looks really goddamn cold down there and Metalhead ate the gloves I stole, anyone wanna help a tropical girl out and gimme somethin' to keep my fingers from freezin' the fuck off?

Comments

[irritating]

That so? [ yup, definitely still delighted ] Well I vote we do some plannin' an' brainstormin' then, 'cause it sounds like you've got a lotta good ideas over there.

[strategic_guile]

Brainstorming and practical applications are some of my favorite things. Give me a time and place and I will come prepared.

[irritating]

Think you can gimme a bit on that one, sugar? Dunno where the dicks anything is down there yet - unless y'got a place in mind already?

[strategic_guile]

I don't really know where everything is either and I've been down here, so no problem on the waiting. When I get a place sealed from the dick shrinking cold I'll definitely be in contact.

Til then, I'll torture my roommates with balloon animals.

[irritating]

That mean you've been livin' out in the cold so far?

[ she laughs ] Yeah, I've heard balloon animal torture is real effective, have fun doin' that to your roommates.

[strategic_guile]

They have a big building for us, but I've found some place else. I'm trying to get it and fix it up. Right now, every breeze blows right through it.

[Chuckles] If you don't hear from me again, I went too far. Find the deepest snowdrift and look for my body.

[irritating]

Guess I'll have to do some explorin' when I get down there.

Aw don't worry, if you go missin' my dog'll sniff you down and dig you out!

[strategic_guile]

If you ever get too cold, come and find me. I'll warm you right up.

[You cannot see the eyebrows he waggles at that horrible joke, but imagine them.]

[irritating]

Sure will, honeybee. Tropical girl like me's more used to rollin' naked in the sand than rollin' myself in a blanket to keep from freezin' so yeah, haven't even been down there yet but I'm guessin' a little extra warmth is gonna be a godsend.

[strategic_guile]

[Laughs] Bring your layers, señora hermosa. I'll see you when you get down here.

[irritating]

Just gonna assume that means somethin' nice! Don't think I'm gonna need layers when I'm indoors and cozy with you around, but yeah no I sure as fuck ain't goin' outside without 'em so they're all comin' with me when I leave.

[strategic_guile]

It's very nice. [He's never sure when the thing will translate and when it won't. Silly technology.]

I've been called an electric blanket before, so feel free to wrap me around you any time. [Pause] After I plug all the holes in my new abode.