exsilium | three; video

[ Hi so here's a video of this asshole sitting on the floor of her moonbase room, looking... messily festive. She's got a few strings of silver tinsel randomly wrapped around her head and shoulders, a string of blinking, multi coloured lights hanging over her wings, and there appears to be a snowman sticker stuck to her cheek. ]

Right so I've been packin' shit up and I realized I never said hey fuck you guys like I should've, so hey fuck you guys, especially you Earthy folk 'cause not a single one of you fucks told me about department stores. I mean fuckin' come on, look at all the shit they have -

[ She tilts the camera to the floor around her and wow yeah she sure has been robbing Walmarts. Actually you can't even see the floor itself, it's just... stuff, literally everywhere, with barely a thing in her suitcase (which still has all the tags on it) that's just laying there among the pile, open and abandoned. Apollo then sets the tablet back down on the bed so she can once again have her hands free. ]

Hey by the way, Donny and medfriends, got the shit you wanted. Got uh, little hammered there for a bit and I mighta temporarily lost the damn bag I put it all in but I got it again! You assholes still on the moon or didya take off to snowland already? And actually y'know what, speakin' of snowland, I'm gonna be real sweet and letcha haaaaave [ rustle rustle ] some of these too! [ Is that a box of flavoured condoms she's holding up right now, wow it sure is. ] Kinda figure it's cold as balls down there so hey, how 'bout some fruity humpin' to keep everyone warm? Like fuck you got uh, let's see. [ Reading from the back and adding her own embellishments: ] Grapedick? Sure! Bananadong? No problem! Berrycock? Gotcha fuckin' covered! [ God she looks so pleased with life right now. ] What a fuckin' world Earth is, hey?

By hey seriously it looks really goddamn cold down there and Metalhead ate the gloves I stole, anyone wanna help a tropical girl out and gimme somethin' to keep my fingers from freezin' the fuck off?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ rustle rustle give her a minute she's testing this shit out. some quiet deliberation and then, finally: ]

Wow pretty sure banana doesn't fuckin' taste like that, but eh I dunno, worse things've made it into my mouth. Nice philosophy y'got though, can definitely think of a few dicks I woulda liked better if they had that kinda reasonin' behind 'em too.

[No comment when it comes to taste tests. He's not gonna judge, brosis, after all, how the hell do you think he found out?]

Depends on the dick, I'd imagine. Some are best left covered.

[ she laughs because damn is that true ] Y'know, I'm likin' your cock theories. You get a fuckton of ladies with those ideals or what?

Less than one would think. It's just nice to meet a fellow cock philosopher.

[No homo.]

Can't say I've ever heard the term "cock philosopher" before, but I will say it sounds fuckin' high end. Real smart folk only, that kinda thing.

I'd gladly accept you into the ranks, my dear.

That's a real fuckin' honour I'd gladly accept! Delighted to know my lack of dick don't interfere with my acceptance an' all.

Your appreciation of cock theories is enough.

Now, about those condoms...

Good!

[ Remembering the condoms, rustling then commences as she searches her pile of stolen goods and her voice sounds a bit further away now than it did before. ] Hey wait, you still on the moon or areya down buildin' snowmen on Earth?

Freezing my arse off in the frozen tundra. Could do with a little warming up.

In that case you're gonna be waitin' until after I finish packin' this shit, figure I'll be down later tonight or somethin'. So I dunno, maybe do a little dryhumpin' in the meantime to warm up your freezin' ass?

I can wait. Haven't quite found myself a woman yet. Just doing a bit of forward planning.

I'd say somethin' encouragin' about sexy snowbunnies, but I get the feelin' you ain't exactly the kinda guy who needs reassurance, huh?

I could always do with the encouragement.

And the company, when you're down later.

Well sugar you're in luck, 'cause I'm real good at providin' both of those.

[Awww yis.]

Let me know when you're planet side and we'll see about meeting up. I should be able to make it back to the drop zone.

[ awwww yis x2 ]

Will do! Assumin' I don't freeze first. Then again though, with nice considerate men like you around, maybe freezin' ain't somethin' I gotta worry about.

I can help keep you warm on these cold, hard nights.

Aw, how sweet. I ain't exactly used to cold, havin' some warmth for the night would be real nice.

Well, it's bloody freezing, so you'll need it.

James Bond, by the way. Hello.

Lookin' forward to it, sugar.

Apollo! Hello, charmed to meetcha an' all.

Pleasure's all mine. I'll see you later?

You certainly will! Once I get my ass down there I'll be in touch, yeah?

Perfect. Until then.

[Maybe he will clean himself up a little after all. Gotta make an effort.]

three; video

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;

voice;