[ voice ]

[hostage]

[He's so bored, he can't take it anymore. Asking for trouble, maybe, but there's all kinds of excitement he's missing with the new arrivals, and he's not used to missing out on it. He keeps the video feed off, unlike usual, because both his cell and he himself are a mess. His voice is only slightly hoarse, recovering from a first week in custody that was spent screaming.]

So what's the deal with all you new guys? Usually I do this in person but I'm, uh, a little tied up right now. Anyway, lemme hear it. Where you from? Whatcha usually get up to? How you feeling about being in this skanky shithole up on the moon?

Hope the rest of you guys didn't leave 'em starving.

Comments

[legal_eagle]

You prone to using singular "they" now? 'Cause you don't really strike me as one who'd be keen on gender-neutral pronouns.

[hostage]

[He does not... know what that means...]

Okay, calling me crazy didn't work, so now you're pulling out some college bullshit?

[legal_eagle]

[Her perfect, beautiful grin of pure fuck-you-I-hate-you is lessened slightly as she suffers the less transcendent experience of are-you-fucking-serious.]

Singular "they." It's - never mind; I'll spare you the lesson.

Ms. Frazer's intent is unclear at this point, though if it comes down to it, it'll be easy enough to prove that she had no intention of taking your life. But that isn't the matter under question. The matter under question is why you're saying they as if the police are sending assassins after you daily. 'Cause, you know, it's not like those assassins wouldn't be able to find you.

[hostage]

Bitch, I know it wasn't the police. The police're the ones that stopped it. I ain't stupid.

[Nevermind that he doesn't know English, okay.]

[legal_eagle]

[Warmly:]

Hey, how about you stop calling me "bitch"? I know you're a semifinalist in the "Misogynistic Dinglefuck of the Year" competition, but it's not much raising the level of discourse.

[hostage]

How about you fuck off, bitch?

[legal_eagle]

Ooh, and a strong entry in the talent division. But can he possibly make it all the way when it's the same stuff again and again? The judges might not look kindly on his lack of creativity.

audio

[vaccination]

[Here comes the chihuahua, who wasn't planning on saying anything here unless someone was being an ass.]

I think he said to fuck off.

audio

[legal_eagle]

[There's something very harsh in her bright and sunny voice when she says:]

Well. He doesn't tend to listen when others ask him to stop. Even when they do so a lot more politely than that. So...

audio

[vaccination]

[It just irritates her all the more.]

So you're a fucking five year old. Got it.

audio

[legal_eagle]

[Some nasty response bubbles up in her throat before she swallows it down.]

Sure. Let's go with that.

audio

[vaccination]

You're not helping anyone.

audio

[legal_eagle]

[Flatly:]

I'm helping the new arrivals. So they'll hear right from the horse's mouth that his little cookies are baked with hatred and cyanide.

audio

[vaccination]

[What's cyanide? Noooo clue. Doesn't matter, though.]

Yeah? You letting him out to make those cookies anytime in this century?

audio

[legal_eagle]

Not a cop, hon.

audio

[vaccination]

Then shut the hell up and leave him alone.

[hostage]

Ain't there some rule about you bitches harassing suspects in custody? Like, ethically?

Nooooot very professional, if you ask me.

[legal_eagle]

Yeah, "us bitches" being who, exactly? Is it defense attorneys, or is it women who just don't know their place, ooooor...

[hostage]

I got nothing against women. I got everything against prosecutors with a hard-on for me.

Defense attorney, my ass.

[legal_eagle]

No, no no. See, if I were a prosecutor, I couldn't be doing this. It would be heavily unethical. As a defense attorney, though, there are exactly zero rules against letting you run your mouth to my clients' benefit.

Oh, and you've got nothing against women like Chikatilo had nothing against kids.

[hostage]

Yeah, while we're talking about that - who is your client, exactly? 'cause Tempest ain't pressing charges. So what're you doing here? What're any of you jerk-offs doing, actually? I mean, aside from dicking around on the internet.

[legal_eagle]

The mutineers? Sorry, did you forget about the mutiny? The thing you used as a justification for your offenses against the person of two individuals amongst them?

Or, sorry - alleged offenses?

[hostage]

Mm, yeah. Got nothing to do with me. The one charge you had against me was dropped and I ain't seen another one. But I'm still in here. That's pretty weird, huh. Legally speaking. Since the law's so fucking important to you.

[legal_eagle]

Oh, Mr. Pinkman, I don't have anything to do with your case. You'll have to ask someone else about that. You do have a lawyer, right? Who was it again?

[hostage]

So that thing about this being for your clients' benefit is just bullshit and you're just being a catty bitch. I think this shit's backfiring on you big time, Sonya.