voice

[liprings]

Okay, so, two things.

One, anyone know how to reattach an arm? Like... fuck, I dunno, I guess you could just sew that shit back on. Or like... heal it on? Anyone got any magic wand-waving bullshit for that? Or science it back on, I guess, since holy fuck this is the moon, and all. Hey, are we over that part yet? Cuz I'm pretty fucking jaded. Turns out they weren't kidding when they said that thing about no one hearing you scream in space! They can't hear you bitch in space, either. It blows serious donkey balls out there, once you get your ass over the moonwalking part.

Oh, right, thing two. Anyone seen a decapitated head anywhere? Blond hair, rotted out eyes, answers to Luke? You just lemme know if you seen that little scamp, 'kay? He ran off somewhere, can't turn my back for a goddamn second on that fucker.

[ feel free to have spied Jan's missing head-trophy anywhere around the moon base :') it got shrunken and preserved somewhere along the line, and could pretty much have been left anywhere. ]

Comments

[liprings]

Well, he talks to me. [ no it actually doesn't. ] But he's pretty goddamn shy, so I dunno if you'd get much conversation outta him.

[lambofcolumbia]

Wh...but. [She draws in a breath, trying to collect her thoughts.] Why does...how does it talk?!

[liprings]

Fuck, I dunno. It's magic or some shit.

[lambofcolumbia]

Oh.

So you aren't...simply...ah...mad, then?

[liprings]

Do I look mad? [ says he, of the enormous grin and mouth full of shark teeth ]

[lambofcolumbia]

....

[Thoughtful pause as she considers how far away he might be on the moon base.]

...Yes.

[liprings]

[ never far enough away. never. ]

Aw, what the fuck! We got a rude bitch right here. Rude bitch alert, rude bitch alert!

Hey, you talked to Seras yet? I feel like you'd get along. Assholes of a feather, right?

[lambofcolumbia]

[Blink. She's never been called an asshole before!]

Well. I mean. Look at it from my perspective? You talk to a head, you seem very nonchalant about having lost an arm, and you smile like you are about to eat someone...

[liprings]

Yeah? So what's your fucking point?

[lambofcolumbia]

Those aren't, classically, the signs of a healthy mind. Not in any of the psychological texts I've read, at least...

[liprings]

Okay, one, you put those psychological texts right the fuck down. Shit'll rot your mind, bro!

[lambofcolumbia]

...Books can't rot your mind!

[She actually looks offended!]

[liprings]

Dude, those ones can. My bro picked 'em up one day and was never the same afterward.

[lambofcolumbia]

How? Why would he change? They're books, not...magic.

[liprings]

Because psychology books fucking do that! He uses all these big words and shit now.

[lambofcolumbia]

...You mean he became more educated.

[liprings]

And less fun.

[lambofcolumbia]

How does being smarter make him less fun?

[liprings]

He's all Jan, you have a lot of sublimated urges to work out, and Jan, stop redirecting your desires, and Jan, stop wasting so much money on prostitutes now. It's no goddamn fun at all!

[lambofcolumbia]

...Oh.

[Talk of prostitutes may have her blushing a bit, but she tries to cover it up by speaking.]

Well. Ah...I don't know you well enough to speak on those first two points but that third one seems like...good advice?

[liprings]

Hey, it's my fucking money! I'll tuck it between whatever huge titties I want to!

Now it's just sort of a count down till she hangs up on him isn't it...

[lambofcolumbia]

[So embarrassed.]

But...s-surely there are better things to, to...I mean. Uhm.

Wouldn't it be better simply to find someone you wish to be involved with long-term? Rather than...that.

hung up on: an autobiography of jan valentine

[liprings]

Why the fuck do I want one of them sticking around? They're never as hot the next morning, trust me.

He does seem to deserve it.

[lambofcolumbia]

That's horrible!

every time :')

[liprings]

It's a natural fact! I saw it on some nature show once.