exsilium | oo2 || text

Everyone being okay is important to him.

[And the way he says it, it's clear that Isaac has never known anything like that before. Not that this is quite a surprise- people like Scott are rare to find. Nobody is that selfless, nobody cares that much.]

I don't know- I don't know what to do. [He takes a deep breath.] I don't know what this makes me.

[peter doesn't disagree with isaac on that point at all, albeit in a slightly more cynical fashion. nobody's that selfless. but that's not really the point.]

He didn't talk to me about everyone. Just you.

[peter takes a deep breath, lets his head thunk back against the door as he looks up at the ceiling. god, he really wants a cigarette. he can feel it like it's a tangible thing, that same needing that roman does. he doesn't want the responsibility that scott takes on so easily, the responsibility for everyone to be okay.

but in a weird way, isaac is kin. other than nicolae, he's never had another werewolf around, and even if isaac isn't anything like him really, they're still not quite different enough to dismiss.

more alike than peter and roman, and it had been enough then.]

Same guy you were before. Other people don't define you.

[Isaac bites his lip, but he ultimately shakes his head, fingers curling around themselves as he glances toward Peter out of the corner of his eye.]

No, I mean- without an alpha, you're weak. You fall to omega, you- lose power, I guess, I dunno it hasn't happened to me before. [And there's a pause, when Isaac turns back to look at his fingers. It runs deeper than that, of course, but he doesn't know how to explain it, doesn't know if he wants to. He's felt this before- losing a member of your pack is like losing a piece of yourself, like having it cut away and being left with a void. It happened when Erica died, when Boyd died.

He never wants to feel that again.

When he speaks again, his voice is soft, barely a whisper.]

I... I need him.

You need an alpha.

[peter's tone is flat, but it's not skeptical. he doesn't really get how their lycanthropy works, it's so different from his. but feeling cornered and helpless and at sea, that he gets. he sighs, sliding his feet closer to his body so he can lean against his legs, arms crossed over his knees and chin resting on his forearms. he can't believe the words that are about to come out of his own stupid mouth.]

I'm an alpha. Not a fuckin' thing like Scott, but an alpha.

[Isaac flinches a little at that, and he wants to deny it- he wants to bristle and turn and say you don't know what you're talking about, but his relationship with Scott is still raw enough to where Isaac doesn't feel like explaining all of the conflicting dynamic between them. So he keeps his mouth shut, his jaw tightening a little, and curls a little tighter over his knees.]

I don't know. [And it's soft, like he's giving up, but Isaac swallows hard after a moment and lets out a hot breath, fingers curling into firsts.]

I need- stability, maybe. God, I need someone I can rely on, because I'm sure as hell not going back to being alone. [His tone grows sharper, angry.] The whole point of this was power. The reason- I mean, my pack is dead and Derek left, and everything I took that stupid bite for was in that idiot who just disappeared like it was nothing. I don't-

[His voice breaks, and Isaac grits his teeth.]

I can't-

[Can't go back to that, won't go back to that. He can't be alone again, can't be powerless, he can't curl up on the floor and try to wait it out while someone beats the shit out of him. He's come too far to go back to that.]

Yeah.

[he's not going to say he understands, because he doesn't know even a quarter of what isaac's talking about, because pack and power aren't things that have the right kind of meaning to him. he doesn't understand shit about that.]

I can't promise you anything about leaving, that'd be bullshit. And I'm not any fucking kind of hero. But this is kinda what we've got.

[he leans his forehead on his arms, whispers a low shee-it between his knees.]

What I mean is if you stick with me I won't bail on you on purpose.

[That makes Isaac pause- a sudden stillness overtakes him at Peter's worse, his eyes open and staring toward the wall opposite them in a slight surprise. He doesn't want to speak, not quite yet, and for a moment, it's as if he's waiting for Peter to take it back.

But he doesn't, and after a long few moments, Isaac turns his head to look at him, brow furrowed like he'd rather doubt Peter's meaning than let himself be encouraged by what he's said.]

...you said you didn't want to care about anyone. [It's not accusing- to be honest, Isaac doesn't blame him. But he doesn't want to misunderstand what Peter is trying to say, not now.]

[peter can't blame isaac for being skeptical. peter himself is skeptical, not quite comfortable making things that look a lot like promises he might actually have to keep. things were much easier when he didn't have to explain himself. it's not even that he feels like he owes isaac anything, he doesn't.

honestly, he has no idea what he's doing. ever since they rolled into hemlock grove he's been doing a world of dumb shit, and apparently that's a train he just can't jump off. all the same, the admission is soft, practically sigh.]

Too fuckin' late, man.

[Peter isn't Scott- he's professed his distaste for the alpha's tactics and emotions quite a few times, and Isaac isn't looking for a replacement... but he knows that being alone is worse than being friends with someone who regrets caring about you.

So, Isaac just nods once, still a little choked, surreptitiously ducking his head and wiping his sleeve over his eyes.]

...well don't act like you're doing a public service or anything. I'm not that desperate.

[He might not be, but he still leans in a little until their shoulders are touching, some of the tension draining from him at the contact.] Wasn't really that desperate for friends when Scott came around, either. He just has that way, I guess. [Isaac shrugs.] You would have seen- sooner or later, you'd have understood.

Never said you were.

[when isaac's shoulder hits his shoulder, peter reaches across with his other hand and sets it lightly and carefully on isaac's head, fingers halfway carding through his curls. peter's not scott, he doesn't want to be scott, and he doesn't want to replace scott. he didn't really want this responsibility, either, but he has it, and he's not actually as hard as he pretends to be. which is the whole problem, isn't it? it's true he didn't want to like isaac, that he didn't want to become attached to anyone. but that ship has long since sailed. it's not a smooth, calculated move, this hand on isaac's head, but it's surprisingly gentle, nearly equal parts awkward and genuine and comforting.]

Probably, yeah.

[it would have been a hundred percent easier to believe isaac if peter couldn't sense the anger and the power in scott. he could be the nicest person in the world, it's still hard to trust that only a sense of right and wrong could keep that beast at bay. isaac might be entirely right about scott, but it would have taken more proving than he had time to do. even nicolae had killed a man. peter supposes it's a shame, the not knowing.]

[There's a long moment where Isaac isn't sure what Peter is going to do with his hand on his head and he tenses. It's not because he doesn't trust him (he sort of does), but it's a natural reaction to a touch he doesn't initiate, and Isaac looks over toward Peter with wary eyes, before forcing relaxation as Peter's fingers card through his hair.

All the same, when he allows it to be, Peter's touch is... calming, a little, and Isaac lets out a soft sound that he'll never admit to making, settling back against the door and sliding down a little so his head can rest against Peter's shoulder.]

...I would have gone with him. [Slow, casual, like he's trying to prove a point, not really talking to Peter at all.] I told him, he's not in this alone, and I didn't intend for him to be. I should have- somehow, I should have gone with him.

[peter's fingers keep moving against isaac's head, slow and gentle, like isaac is breakable instead of several times stronger than peter is. he's still not looking at isaac, not even when the weight of the other boy's head rests on his shoulder.]

Sure, if we were in a story. Life's messier than that. Lots of loose ends and shit that just isn't fair. You didn't get to choose to stay, he didn't get to choose to go.

[he sighs, lets his head rest on his forearms so that he's sort of looking at the top of isaac's head.]

At home, Roman just lost his sister. Sweetest girl you could ever meet, Shelley was. Put the rest of us to shame. His cousin, Letha--my girlfriend--she's having a baby come spring. Not mine, she was knocked up before we got together. Lynda's still kinda freaked about the shit that just went down. You think this is where I should be? Fuck no. None of this is how shit should be, it's all jacked. But it's how shit is.

I doubt that this place can be called a fact of life.

[But Isaac relents, his jaw tight, hands twisting into fists, like he's not sure how to respond to that. He doesn't know how to make Peter understand, and he doesn't know if he wants to. But if they're in this- if Peter is really in this, then maybe there's no harm in confiding in him, just a little.]

Back home- you know, my mom died awhile ago. My brother a few years after that. My dad was murdered less than a year ago. [He draws his knees up a little tighter, trying hard to keep his voice impassive.] I was turned with two other people, right after my dad died. They're both dead now. The alpha who turned us skipped town.

[Isaac's throat feels too tight after confessing all of that, but he plows on anyway.] Scott is the only person who's- he took me in. He let me join him, no questions asked, and he's been here with me both times. And now he's gone, and all you have to say is that life isn't fair?

[peter listens silently, and the movement of his hand stays steady even when he stops breathing for a moment after isaac says that his pack is dead.]

Is there something better to say? It fucking sucks. All of that fucking sucks, and sure as shit it's not fair. Equally sure as shit, there's no amount of shoulda-coulda that's going to make it one iota more fair.

You've got what you've got. I'm sorry it's not what you want.

[his voice is as gentle as his fingers, this time.]

Edited 2013-10-31 13:00 (UTC)

[Isaac just shakes his head, pressing a little deeper against Peter's shoulder. For all he knows, Peter will vanish tomorrow- it would fit with the track record, anyway. He shouldn't get too attached, and he doesn't, not usually.

But if Peter's getting closer against his better judgement, then Isaac supposes it's only fair if he lets himself be a little open as well. Still, habits are hard to break, and he feels like he's cracked in front of the other werewolf enough- besides which, Peter is right. Nothing he does will change the fact that Scott is gone.]

...I should probably go.

[isaac moves closer and says he should go at the same time, and this feels old and familiar, if not comfortable.]

If you want.

[sitting in a copy of scott's house certainly isn't going to change or fix or help anything.]

C'mon then, up.

Yeah.

[Isaac shakes his head and pulls away, not really accepting any help to stand, instead pressing a hand to Scott's door for stability when he pushes himself up. He doesn't quite take his hand off afterward, his gaze lowered a little, fingers trailing down the wood to the doorknob, before he pulls away quickly with a sigh.]

Where are you staying, anyway?

[peter rolls himself to his feet with a little groan, links his hands behind his back to stretch his shoulders before letting his arms swing.]

409, same as before. Same weirdo roommates too. Kang's not bad, Onyx is kind of an ice bitch but doesn't want anything to do with anybody anyway. Neither of them care about the werewolf thing as long as I don't shed on their shit.

[He takes one last look at the McCall hallway before they move down the stairs and out the door, back into the stifling moon base. Isaac takes a deep breath and sighs.]

...I haven't told our roommates yet.

[that's right. scott has a girlfriend, doesn't he. peter forgets that, between having not paid that much attention when she came by while they were in the cage and his apparent mental consideration of isaac and scott as a unit unto themselves.]

Wanna do that now, or wait on it?

[Isaac just gives a noncommittal shrug, because he doesn't know what he wants to do. His first, hysterical thought is to talk to Scott about it- how stupid is that?]

I kinda just... want to sleep.

Sleep, then. News isn't going anywhere.

[peter can't tell if that's isaac accepting his offer or not, but it doesn't particularly matter in that he'd have said the same thing either way. a few hours wasn't going to make any difference in the end.]

Yeah.

[There's a pause, and Isaac rubs at the back of his neck, stopping where he stands and looking toward Peter a little awkwardly.]

My, uh- well. Our room smells like Scott. And his stuff is there, and- I mean... if I- if I could- you know...

Yeah. It's no problem. There's only three of us and Kang doesn't fit in the beds, we've got space.

Edited 2013-11-03 10:56 (UTC)

Sorry.

[He's still a little sheepish when he says it.]

Just this once, I promise.

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