exsilium | → video

[Despite everything that's happened in the last few days, Steph looks positively cheery as she comes onto the screen, dressed in civvies with her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She might not have worn the particular suit for a couple years now, but she's all Robin, all grins and charm, because she doesn't have the energy to be anything else.]

Hey, guys, I know this is kinda last minute, but there's been a change in plans with the whole cookie thing this month. [She holds up a hand as if silencing comments that aren't actually going to come, because this is pre-recorded.] I know, I know, I'm not exactly the regular guy that does this, but don't adjust your sets, Jesse's just come down with a hell of a cold, so I'm gonna run things this time 'round.

For those of you who don't know, I'm Steph, hi, I don't bite very hard.

[Steph pls]

Since Jesse's sick, we figured it'd be best not to cook in his kitchen, 'cause I'm sure we don't wanna give the newbies the sniffles when they first show up. If anyone who's normally involved would like to volunteer their kitchen to be the base of operations, I would love you forever, but if not we can just use my place, 104.

[And a briefly apologetic look because she hasn't actually asked her roommates. Sorry guys.]

We'll still be doing it on the 31st, starting early and hopefully finishing early so we can all head over to Ella's party, and the tent will be set up at the same time on the first, you'll just have me co-ordinating things intead of Jesse.

If anyone has any questions or concerns, now's the time to voice them, if not, I'll see you on the 31st, either at mine, or I'll update this if we get a volunteer.

Thanks.

[A lazy salute, and the feed cuts.]

[[OOC: Same ooc stuff applies; there won't be a log for this but feel free to say characters participated! The thread in the welcome log will still go up and everything will go the same, it'll just be Steph instead of Jesse wrangling things c: ]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Years ago, she didn't think of herself as maternal, not in the slightest. (It was easier, really, not to think of it at all.) That was before Cass; before she knew what it was to hold someone in her arms and think of them as hers.

Steph isn't like that, not yet, but she's close, close enough that it's easy to just sit and hold her, to card tender fingers through her hair and murmur it will be all right.

It's not just a pretty lie. She will damn well make it all right.

She lets her hands fall, when Stephanie moves; instinctively, they drift to her wheels.]

Where do you want to start? [Still, her voice is gentle; she's not going to pry, not going to demand anything, not right now.]

I don't know. [But it's honest, lost, rather than being evasive.

This still doesn't feel like her story to tell. It's Jesse's and Saul's, and she was happy to leave it that way while she thought they had a handle on the situation, while she thought she had a handle on the situation. Walter wasn't doing anything dangerous, so she kept it to herself, and now he's gone but somehow that's made everything worse.]

I was alone here for so long, I mean - I had Dick, but it felt like I had to take care of him, you know? And I never saw much of Batwoman, so it was just me, wearing the Bat and hating that no one understood, because they're not from our world.

[She knows she shouldn't have let that affect her so much, but it was hard.

Steph sighs, runs her hands through her hair and finds a spot to sit so she can work through her thoughts a bit more easily.]

But it was okay, I was okay and I had friends and people I trusted, but we went on this mission to the United Earth where everything just went to shit. They're not us, they might be good at what they do, but I realized I couldn't rely on anyone the way I rely on Cass or Tim or you.

When we got back I was just-- exhausted and angry and hurt, because I felt like I was alone all over again, and then Saul was there. [It sounds so fucking dumb, and she pinches the bridge of her nose, watching Babs out of the corner of her eye before continuing.] He reminds me of you, 'cause he's so fucking smart and together, and I guess I needed that more than I thought I did.

[An adult, which makes her feel kind of pathetic, but she's started this, so she should finish it.]

Not long after I got back from the mission he shows up asking for my help with a client from back home, and I could tell how scared he was for Jesse, for himself too, maybe. I wasn't sure I really believed it, how dangerous this guy could be, not when I went toe to toe with Crane a few months before showing up, but then I saw what happened when Walter did turn up. He didn't have to do anything, the problem is the effect he has on Jesse, and the effect that has on Saul.

[She realizes how long she's been talking and sighs, scrubbing her hands over her face.]

And then he got sent home, and now everything's gone to shit.

[that's... well.

It's not inaccurate.]

[Barbara just listens, knowing she'll run over the information in completely different ways letter; dissect and analyse from a distance. Now, all that matters is how it affects Stephanie.]

You're not alone any more. [That, she thinks, is the first assurance she ought to make.] You can come to me - or Helena, or Dinah - any time.

Now, Saul - Saul seems like the kind of guy who goes crazy trying to stay together all the time. [She'd know, and her lips quirk in a slight, wry smile.] Makes sense, to me, that he'd fall apart over something.

It's not your responsibility to fix it, Steph. None of this is on you.

I know.

[A shaky exhale, but there's relief in it, because she said the same thing to Jesse. I'm not alone anymore, and she trusts Babs more than maybe anyone else in this city right now.]

And I know it shouldn't be, but I made promises. [To Saul, to Jesse, and she looks away at that, closing her eyes.] I promised Jesse I'd stop him, if I had to. Whatever it took to stop him hurting people.

[She doesn't want to look at Babs right now.]

[Barbara shakes her head, but she's smiling again.] I can't really criticise you for doing something most of us would. [She does try not to be a hypocrite.] But we can help you. Help all of you. [She likes Saul, but this isn't about that, not really. If something is important to Steph, it's important to her.]

[God, that's a relief, and she manages to open her eyes and look back at Babs.]

That's the thing, though. Jesse needs to want help, same for Saul, and they're both too scared of this guy to let anyone else get involved.

[She rubs at her brow, trying to ease away some of the tension or the left over ache from when she was crying.]

I kinda had a fight with Saul about all this shit. I dunno.

[It's not quite the truth, but it's the most she's willing to admit.]

[Another smile, but this one lingers. It's sad, and worn, and wistful.] Sometimes... [She raises a hand, pushes the hair from her eyes.] Sometimes you need to accept that there's nothing you can do. Not until they're ready.

[Steph just looks at her, it's not angry, just - sad and resigned.]

Why do you think I've kept my mouth shut about this for months?

[A slight grimace; she supposes she was stating the obvious there.] Sorry.

Well. Sometimes a kick in the ass doesn't hurt.

It's okay.

[But she shrugs, looking away.]

I don't know if even that'd help.

Would trying help you? [Stephanie is still her main priority, here.]

I don't know.

[She pushes her hands through her hair, trying to get rid of some of the tension she feels, but it doesn't work.]

I don't know how to help me.

[She doesn't know how tomake it better.]

→ video

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject