016 ♓ video

[fintastic]

[ A very eager young face pops into full view on the screen, the second the video comes on, and she doesn't hesitate getting right down to business. ]

So this is kind of a different question than usual, but...

Does anyone know how to get married, and where to do it? Thank you in advance!

[ If human movies and soap operas are any indication, getting married is like going on a date but also having a party at the same time, right? Yes, that must be accurate, but they were never quite clear on the specifics... ]

Comments

[5055034455]

Yes. Good. Good plan. You're too young for boyfriends, anyway. Or — uh, girlfriends. Or whatever.

[fintastic]

That's not true! Sollux has been my boyfriend since before I even got here!

[5055034455]

[WHOA.

HOLD ON.

BACK THE HELL UP.

Feferi's dating Sollux? They work together. How did Saul not notice? He notices these things. He would have noticed.

Shit, how little attention has he been paying the rest of the world?

...wait.]

Sollux?

[fintastic]

Yes, Sollux! There is a reason we go home together all the time.

[5055034455]

[Congratulations, Feferi!

You've officially grossed Saul out!

Just look at his face!]

[fintastic]

What? What is that look for?

[5055034455]

You are not marrying Sollux.

[fintastic]

Why wouldn't I? He loves me, and I love him too!

[5055034455]

[Okay, okay.

Let's be rational about this, Saul.

He takes a breath, then shakes his head.]

That doesn't mean you have to run off and tie the knot. Marriage is just a formality. Unnecessary paperwork, really.

[fintastic]

So? It is a good opportunity to incorporate more human culture into our lives! In the interest of diplomacy, it's a great idea!

[5055034455]

Why are we talking about diplomacy? What does diplomacy have to do with anything?

[fintastic]

That's the whole point! Adopt some Earth customs, do things humans do, integrate into society... it's good for troll human relations!

[5055034455]

Marriage isn't good for any relations.

[fintastic]

Then why do people get married in so many movies?

[5055034455]

Because people are gullible and stupid and are willing to pay too much money just so they can sit on their asses and live vicariously through a bunch of pretty, overpaid actors and cheap plot lines.

That's why.

[fintastic]

I am sorry, but I just can't believe that's true at all! I know humans are capable of loving each other, even when they pretend they don't. And that's what getting married is for, right?

[5055034455]

Capability has nothing to do with it! Marriage is — it's a formality. It's an outdated practice. There are plenty of people in the world who love each other and don't get married. You get married, you're basically signing a contract. It's too messy.

[fintastic]

Okay, okay, I will keep that in mind!

[ There is just nothing she can do about this level of cynicism, not from afar. ]

[5055034455]

Yeah, okay.

[He sounds skeptical about that, but — whatever. He'll let it go.]